


Paper Flowers.

by PassionPhantom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: A & A are creepy, Alastair (Supernatural) Being an Asshole, Alternate Universe - Mental Institution, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Azazel (Supernatural) Being an Asshole, Benny Lafitte & Dean Winchester Friendship, Bipolar Dean Winchester, Bipolar Disorder, Bittersweet Ending, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Falling In Love, Heavy Angst, Hurt Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Protectiveness, References to Depression, Romance, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenic Castiel (Supernatural), Sexual Violence, Supportive Benny Lafitte, poor hospital conditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-26 23:36:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15673569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PassionPhantom/pseuds/PassionPhantom
Summary: Locked away in a mental hospital with agitating fear and turmoil all around him, Dean finds it difficult to stay sane. Though when he meets the new patient Castiel, a young schizophrenic who dreams to do nothing more than to fly, Dean falls in love and the two begin a compassionate romance. However, when tragedy strikes, Dean is pushed to go to great lengths in order to keep Castiel safe.Paper Flowers is a story of gentle benevolence surrounded by darkness and hostility. At its core, this story shows the dangerous depths of human nature and how far a person will go in order to protect the ones they love.





	1. I Want To Fly.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in May 2017 as a WIP and formerly known as, 'Flight: A Destiel Story' 
> 
> This story is my first completed WIP fic and it has been a source of great learning experiences ever since it was first created. I wrote it based on a tiny ficlet for the Destiel & Cockles Monthly Sentence Challenge based on the sentence prompt: “You don’t have to be alone.” and it was meant to stay that way but after a few requests, I took it upon myself to make it a larger concept.
> 
> Recently, I deleted it to change it into an original novel, though with the amount of work and time that will go into rewriting the fic, I just am re-posting this work with a few (very) minor changes because I still want to celebrate the fact that I created and finished an entire fan-fic before turning into a novel. My deepest apologies to my readers who were excited for this fic and were looking forward to reading the first posting of it. 
> 
> Thank you to my beta, [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas) who has been a great friend to me and who also re-edited the entire fic. Thank you so much. I really can't thank you enough for your kindness and your patience. <3 
> 
> And big thanks to [Knowmefirst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knowmefirst) who helped me on this long angst ride! 
> 
> Also, I do not claim to have a vast knowledge of the mental health issues described in this story, so some mistakes will be made. Though I hope all of you who read this enjoy it and I say thank you so much for taking time out to do so. 
> 
> And feel free to look through my own personal art Masterpost for the fic,  
> [The Art of Paper Flowers](https://passionphantom.tumblr.com/post/175390246809/paper-flowers-art-masterpost-rating-explicit)

 

It was like any other morning for Dean Winchester. Wake up, take his meds, and eat a sloppy breakfast, then shower. He was lucky if he was up before anyone else; in the cafeteria, he could get the cleanest trays and seats, as well as be able to eat without being bothered.

 

And the water in the men’s shower would be scorching; hot as hell and well needed.  

Making sure to wake up in the morning for this was the only thing that kept Dean sane in a place like this. Because a mental hospital can do that to you…it can make you insane.

 

Dean found himself grateful not to be like the other patients in the ward, though. Some people were completely lost in their minds, talking to themselves and banging their heads against the walls. Dean considered himself nearly normal; only nearly, if it weren’t for his episodes of rage…a result of the manic bipolar disorder- as Dr. Uriel described to him.

It affected Dean’s interaction with others, and the doctors were really hell-bent on that. Fair play and participation, it’s what gets you out early. But Dean wasn’t going to get out any time soon, he was sure, because that asshole Uriel was going to make sure of it. Dean was trapped.

It was after his mother passed away that everything happened. The cancer took Mary swiftly, and it left Dean and his younger brother, Sam, heartbroken and alone. Their father, John, had long left them for his other family when Dean was a kid and Sammy was just a baby. Dean would try his best to hold it together for Sam and his mother, especially during her sickness, but something inside him broke the day of the funeral. The moment they put Mary’s coffin into the ground all Dean’s strength shattered.

 

He thought he was stronger for Mary and Sammy, but the nights came when Dean himself would cry and scream for his mother. At the top of his lungs, from the bottom of his guts, he would bellow.

 

Before the mental breakdown, Dean had thought he could handle anything. That he was the backbone of the family… though a few nights in the psych ward proved to him how wrong he was. He yelled for Sam the first few nights, cursing his brother for locking him away in the hospital, and fighting viciously with the male nurses. Dean wouldn’t calm down. He was distraught and uncontrollable, and eventually had to be knocked out with sedatives.    

Dean showered now as soon as possible, scrubbing his skin hard and fast until it bled. There wasn’t any soap or a towel…just water and his fingernails.

 

‘I hate this place,’ he thought to himself, as he saw the tiny bugs crawling between the filthy tiles. Dean could feel the grime of the shower floor beneath his feet, and to make matters worse, the water wasn’t even hot this morning. Dean was pissed; he couldn’t get himself to feel clean.

 

Dean finished quickly and stepped out, picking his patient garb off the floor and fanning it out. They weren’t clean at all; the white of the fabric was faded and stained with sweat and dirt. Dean had no choice but to put his clothes back on because he had nothing else to wear. Making a note to himself, Dean became determined to get fresh clothes the next morning when the laundry was brought for the patients.

“HURRY THE FUCK UP WINCHESTER!” Someone banged on the door. Dean jumped and became severely aggravated, he was only in the shower for literally five minutes, and people were already losing their minds.

Dean thought he had been early enough to use the men’s showers without anyone bugging him, but a line for the bathroom was already forming. Everyone was cursing and brushing up against one another. The banging continued, and Dean swung the door open hoping to hit whoever the hell it was, but he didn’t get them, much to his dismay…walking out Dean passed the asshole whose name he never caught, and passed the men staring him down.

 

Dean didn’t give a fuck about any of them, and would love to have a moment to punch them all in their throats. But honestly it was always a best choice to avoid fighting in any way possible.

Dean had already seen two other men argue over the shower once before. It was one big beefy guy, and the other man smaller and scrawnier. The two swung at each other until the bigger man was on the floor covered in blood... dying. But it wasn’t the smaller guy who took him down either, that’s for sure. It was the security guards.

They were vicious and unmerciful, Officers Azazel, and his partner and brother Alastair. You step out of line, say something wrong or even look at them a certain way and you’re done for. Dean had seen it all. They came quickly, beating the two of them with their batons, and when the bigger guy fought back the guards decided to have a little ‘fun’ with him in front of everyone. Certainly before the doctors came.

“Whoop his fat ass, Alastair,” Azazel chuckled, and cheered his partner on as he tossed the heavier man to the wall and slapped him with the baton. The fat guy threw punches, but none of them landed because he was too slow. Moments later he was twitching on the floor with Alastair still stomping on his face.

The two brothers were known as the worst of all the guards; they beat the man within an inch of his life. Last thing Dean heard about the guy was that he only spent days in the infirmary before being sent to another hospital, Dean wondered why Alastair and Azazel weren’t fired and sent to jail for this. As he lay still that very night, Dean came to the conclusion that no one really ever cared about what happened to the mentally ill, that was damn certain.

Dean wasn’t exempt, he met his fair share of mistreatment from the two of them almost everyday of the week. Especially from Officer Alastair, who constantly tormented Dean personally. Dean made the mistake of catching Alastair’s attention after breaking up a fight once. It was between an older patient and a younger one—who was harassing the older man for simply walking too slow. Dean couldn’t just watch as the older man was put through hell for no reason.

 

“That was very heroic of you,” Alastair had said when everything was over. “But next time mind your own damn business.” He hovered over Dean closely, and breathed into his face.

 

“Like you were going to do anything anyway. You’d let an old man get hurt instead of help him.” Dean looked the guard directly in the eye, and was not wavered by Alastair’s intimidating presence. He was taller than Dean with a lanky, yet stronger build, his eyes were stern and hard, and his lips pulled thin around his teeth in a scowl. Alastair smirked and grabbed Dean by the collar, pushing him against the wall.

 

“You got a smart mouth on you… don’t you?” the guard said.

 

“Back the hell up off me,” Dean growled in the man’s grip, but received a swift punch that sent him to the floor. Dean had stood his ground and was not afraid... but only at first. He thought he could handle anything and everything, whatever Alastair tried, Dean thought he’d be strong enough for it. Though eventually Dean discovered something truly disturbing, and it was something far more foul than watching an old man be beaten, or stomping a man nearly to death.

“I can tell… just by looking at you… that you’re the type who likes to be on his knees,” Alastair breathed into Dean’s face with a grin. His breath was humid, and Dean could feel his skin prickle with irritation. The storage unit Alastair forced Dean into was dark and dank, with the smell of mildew hanging heavy in the air. Dean could barely move or hardly see, and Alastair laughed with pleasure as Dean squirmed under his grip.

 

“Let go of me you son of bitch!” Dean groaned as Alastair twisted his arm.

 

“Now now sweetheart, we’re only just getting started” Alastair said. “How about you get on your knees for me?” he chuckled, gesturing over the zipper of his uniform.

 

Dean’s eyes widened immediately as he saw what the man meant. His heart raced as he further realized what was about to happen, as Alastair forced him onto the floor. Something in Dean had frozen; his legs went weak and his fist became numb. Shock ran through his entire body as Alastair unbuckled his pants.

 

Before it could commence, the storage unit door swung open.

 

“Yo! Alastair, we got company!” It was Azazel coming to warn his partner about the shift change between janitors. Alastair rolled his eyes and hissed between his teeth, “Stall ‘em!”

 

Azazel laughed, “Ha! Fuck no! I’m not getting into trouble because you want to screw a patient, you faggot! Now come on, we got to go!” Azazel shut the door hard and walked off.

 

Alastair turned and looked down at Dean. Zipping and buckling his pants back up he said, “It seems to be your lucky day, Winchester…. but don’t worry, I’ll see you again…very soon.” He laughed again and toyed with Dean’s hair just before walking off, leaving the younger man on the floor, shaking. Dean’s tears didn’t fall until the door was shut.

From there on Dean minded his own business as Alastair directed, and he also steered clear of any fighting, with the only exception of the harm being done to the elderly. That was just wrong, and Dean didn’t care what was done to him; he wouldn’t stand by and watch someone old get hurt.

 

He also kept on his toes around Alastair and Azazel, making sure to stay out of their way and avoid any more dark hallways where he could be jumped and dragged into another storeroom.

 

It made Dean nervous at night thinking about what happened. He was pissed off at the fact that he had frozen with fear, the vulnerability of it infuriated him, and to be honest, Dean was very afraid. Nightmares plagued him and left him practically paralyzed in his bed.

 

A dark room. Sore knees. A hand pressing on the back of his head. Gripping his hair. Tearing it out. The repulsive sounds of sucking and regurgitation. Dean woke up in a cold sweat and immediately rolled over to vomit on the other side of the bed.

 

This occurred for days until Dean started to collect new and used toothbrushes. Secretly sharpening the ends of them against the concrete base of the walls and hiding them in his pants, in order to be prepared for the next time. Something in Dean’s mind warned him that there would be a next time, especially with the way Alastair kept eyeing Dean in the hallways whenever he passed them. But at least for now Dean slept at ease, knowing that he had five sharpened toothbrushes under his pillow.

In the activity room now, Dean sat alone while working on a puzzle and watching daytime TV. Trying to keep his mind occupied through pieces of the puzzle; matching them together, finishing, and then starting over. There was a cookie that he saved from yesterday’s lunch in his pocket, and Dean reached for it, quickly and quietly biting into it and chewing slowly. The cookie was hard and not worth it, but Dean needed something to keep himself stable as his thoughts raced.

 

He couldn’t help think of his anger towards his brother, his sorrow for his mom, and his anxiety while waiting for Alastair to make his next move. It was all so infuriating, and Dean jumped a bit when he heard,

“Sharing is caring, Winchester.”

Dean turned sharply —reaching for his shank that was hidden in the lining of his pants—but then Dean realized that it was only Benny Lafitte staring down at him and smiling. Happy to see a friend and thankful to have some distraction from the thoughts, Dean scoffed.

 

Benny was a cool guy and believed everything that Dean told him about what had happened. He even supplied Dean with his first toothbrush; teaching him how to sharpen them against the walls.

 

“You go for the eyes.” Benny told him. “And then the throats”

 

“Alright.” Dean laughed off his appreciation back then, but he was extremely thankful to have met Benny. Though he’d never admit it.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that Benjamin.” Dean said, while breaking off a piece of the cookie and handing it to the brawny man.

 

“Don’t be such a scaredy cat Dean-o. Besides, I only came because I saw you eating,” Benny chuckled. And Dean shook his head with a laugh, wishing he had waited to eat the snack in his own room.

 

“So what’s up with you today? You doing alright?” Benny asked, while taking a seat next to Dean.

 

“Never better,” Dean said, pushing the puzzle away and looking over at the TV, bored as hell.

 

“Did you hear about that new patient that came in last night?” Benny leaned back in his chair, resting his hands on the back of his head.

 

“Yeah, I heard all that fuckin’ screaming. It was annoying as hell.”

 

“No no no no, that was Garth’s stupid ass, howling and acting like a damn wolf. I’m talking about another guy,” Benny said.

 

“Well, but you can’t say anything about that Benny, because you like to bite people too,” Dean said with a grin. “You and Garth go hand in hand.”

 

“Doesn’t mean they have to make us share the same damn room,” Benny complained. “I didn’t get any sleep.” Dean laughed at him and restarted his puzzle, needing to do something to keep busy while listening to Benny.

 

“Shit,” Dean snapped after a moment. “I can’t deal with this shit. First the showers, this fucking puzzle, then you eating my damn cookie. Shit.”

 

“Chill out Dean, I’ll get you a new one at lunch today,” Benny burped and laughed. Dean kicked him from underneath the table and gave him the finger. Benny leaned forward quickly and snapped at Dean’s hand with his teeth.

 

“Motherfucker!” Dean jumped back and Benny began laughing loudly.

 

“Alright, laugh it up you fucking vampire. I’ll get you one of these days and see how you feel about getting chomped on.”

 

“Haha! I’m just fuckin’ with you.” Benny relaxed back into his chair. “You looked like you needed something to get you out of your own head anyway.”

 

Dean looked down for a moment and nodded. “Thanks,” he said simply, noticing what his friend was doing for him.

 

“Don’t mention it…But back to this new guy.” Benny leaned forward on his elbows now.

 

“Yeah okay, what about him?” Dean asked.

 

“Well, he’s a real mess. A schizophrenic I heard one of the doctors call him. But he keeps saying he’s an angel and that he wants to fly,” Benny laughed. “Keeps trying to jump off everything. I was up when they brought him in, shakin’ and mutterin’ about some shit called angel radio. I figured he must have been high on some good stuff, but along with Garth’s howling and his muttering I was about ready to rip my brains out.”

 

“You mean blow your brains out.” Dean corrected him playfully.

 

“No. I mean rip, Dean. Like fucking get in there and just drag the shit out in chunks. I’d rather be a dead motherfucker than to hear those guys all night again.”

 

“You better be careful with the way you talk around here. Those fucking doctors get a sense of this and they’ll be on you with those son of a bitch guards as backup.”

 

“Dean, you know I ain't scared of those assholes, and fuck Alastair, especially after what he did to you. Let him try some shit with me—or with you ever again- and I guarantee you that he will be the one on the floor not me.”

“Benny…” Dean said nervously.

 

“What?” Benny narrowed his brows.

 

“Hello boys.” Officer Alastair himself stood behind Benjamin, placing his hands on the back of Benny’s chair and leaning on it. Benny clenched his jaw and turned sharply. The quickening silence ran through the atmosphere, and the two patients froze as the guard stood above them.

 

“So what was that I heard about you putting me on the floor, Laffite?” Alastair chuckled. “I honestly didn’t know you get down like that. Have you and Ms. Winchester been doing some things you shouldn’t be doing, eh?” Alastair hissed into Benny’s face, and then flicked his tongue out at Dean.

 

Benny stood quickly, and Dean got up immediately.

 

“Benny, wait.” Dean got in-between them but Benny pushed him aside.  

 

“Well, what do I have here? Seems like I got some brave motherfuckers toda,.” Alastair said. “You better watch yourself bitch, before I have to teach you a lesson. That goes for you too, Winchester. I haven’t forgotten about you.” Alastair winked.

 

Benjamin stepped closer to the balding guard and looked him square in the eye. “You can’t do shit to break us,” he said confidently. “I dare you to, and the next time you try anything with anyone-- especially Dean-- I will deal with you, myself.”

 

“Threatening a guard…that’s enough to get you in a whole lot of trouble boy.”

“And trying to rape patients will also get you into a whole lot of trouble too…Officer.” Benny kept his chin lifted, unafraid.

 

Alastair smiled widely and looked at Dean, who kept his right fist tight and his left on the hidden lump in his pants. He was ready for whatever, but his heart was pounding, terribly.

After a moment of laughter, Alastair finally stepped away. “You lunatics really know how to make up some stuff, you know that? Fits of rage, biting people, hearing voices, and get this…talking to angels. That’s why you’re all in here. You need the correction. You need someone to teach you what is right. So don’t act as if you don’t deserve it.”

 

Alastair backed away slowly with a smile, walking out of the room, but not before waving at Dean.

 

“Benny, we’re going to have to be careful.” Dean said quietly- defeated deep down.

 

“Don’t worry about it Dean, I got him as soon as he tries something,” Benny reassured.  “Just stick around me.”

 

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Dean admitted under his breath. And Benny turned to him, seeing Dean’s left hand on his pants, gripping the brush end of the shank. Benny knew immediately what Dean meant, and found it best not to talk about it out loud, not in the rec room. The two of them went to sit back down, ignoring the anxiety in the air, Dean resuming the silly puzzle absent-mindedly, and Benny starting to shuffle a deck of cards. The TV continued going on, with breaking news and a few bland sitcoms. Everything resumed for a second until a soft voice rang out in the air.

 

“I want to fly.”

 


	2. Thank You.

 

Dean and Benny immediately looked up at the same time, to see who it was coming into the activity room. Dark haired, skinny with baggy clothes, the young man was guided by a nurse who was working with him quietly, as he muttered and trembled.

 

“Come on Castiel, this way,” Nurse Rachel said sweetly, while directing the young man over to a seat close to the TV set in the middle of the room. “Sit here, honey.”

 

“I want to fly,” Castiel repeated, looking up at the beautiful nurse. His blue eyes were big and appreciative towards her, though his soft voice rang with some desperation. “I have to go. They’re calling me. They need me.”

 

“I know dear,” Nurse Rachel said with a smile. “But how about we give them a call back later, okay? We need you here on Earth to help us. The other angels in Heaven can handle everything while you’re away.”

 

After a quiet moment, Castiel nodded with a small smile at Rachel, agreeing to what she suggested and not feeling too desperate anymore. Rachel smiled back at the handsome and amiable young man, patting his shoulder very gently before stepping out of the activity room.

 

“But I have to fly,” Castiel started to mutter again sadly, as soon as Nurse Rachel disappeared.  

 

Dean watched from afar alongside Benny, who elbowed Dean in the arm trying to get his attention.

 

“What?” Dean said.

 

“That’s the guy I was talking about,” Benny said lowly.

 

“Yeah, I have eyes, Benny. I can tell.” Dean rolled his eyes at Benjamin, then looked back at the dark-haired young man.

 

“He’s gonna be a problem,” Benny said without looking up. Dean nodded slowly, only half listening to him, he had his eyes on the other guy, the one with the angels. Castiel sat looking lonely and barely watching the TV, muttering the words, ‘I want to fly’, to himself, and talking to no one next to him. His shoulders twitched every now and again; once at a steady shake, the next at a harsher pace like a jump.

 

Dean felt pity for the guy, and something else that he didn’t understand or care to acknowledge at that exact moment. He didn’t know that this empathy he had would turn to love, Dean didn’t even have the sense of it.

 

‘How could anyone want something like that out of a place like this?’ Dean would ask himself days from now, while lying awake at night wondering about Castiel. But for now, Dean just stared at the schizophrenic, and he thought of how lucky the guy was to land one of the nicest nurses in the hospital. With his clothes clean and hair and fingernails evenly trimmed, Dean noticed that Castiel was well kept and cared for….or at least that how it appeared for that day.

 

Rachel could sometimes be stern like the others, but she had a soft spot for some patients assigned to her, she cared about her job and the people here at the hospital. And her kindness was known throughout the facility, so well that you could call her an angel, and the other nurses gave her flack for it.

 

“Stop babying the patients,” one of the others shouted, when Rachel was caught combing an elderly patient’s hair and giving them fresh attire. Rachel shouted back in rage at the other nurse who dared to have something to say.

 

“How could you leave them untreated in this place!” Rachel called out while helping another patient into a seat. Everyone laughed at her concern. No one cared at all about the patients here… the staff members just looked forward to the end of their shifts and the paychecks they received-- along with the compliments from many in the outside world for even working in a mental hospital.  

 

Castiel’s luck would wear out sooner or later though; one day Nurse Rachel would be gone, and his clean white garb would be dirtied and his hair would be a mess. His fingernails would have rot in them and there would be no one to come see about him for hours or days, just like the others. But for now Castiel appeared to be clean and healthy.   

 

“Give it a minute Dean,” Benny said, while still shuffling the cards and dealing them out to his friend. “Watch, he’s gonna try to jump off that chair.”

 

“Shut up, Benny,” Dean said. His eyes were on Castiel, the angel guy. And it all just happened so suddenly; Castiel getting onto his feet and climbing onto his chair.

“Oh! here he goes!” Benny exclaimed with wide eyes.

Dean shot up quickly without thinking. He didn’t even feel his feet as he moved, it was just a reflex. He rushed over to the young man and grabbed him before he could hop off, taking hold of him and keeping him steady.

 

“I want to fly!” Castiel cried, looking up at the sandy-brown haired man with his big blue eyes, struggling weakly in Dean’s gasp. “I have to!”     

 

“Hey! Hey! just calm down, okay?” Dean said, his hand on the young man’s arm. “You can’t do things like that here. You’ll get yourself into trouble.”

 

“I have to fly,” Castiel repeated as Dean helped him sit down. “I have to fly.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but stare at the young man and worry for him, wondering what would have happened if Alastair or Azazel had just seen this, the things they would do. Dean couldn’t bear to think of another person getting tortured by them, and Castiel seemed so helpless. Somehow, something in Dean’s heart warned him…ordered him to protect this man.

 

“Castiel, right?....I’m Dean.” Dean felt awkward as he tried to introduce himself, but he continued. He held the young man up and caught the look in his blue eyes, innocent and shiny, and seriously lost in his own world. Dean thought that Cas would need all the help he could get if he were going to stay in here.

 

‘But why him and no one else?’ Dean thought; he just didn’t understand. Standing there with Castiel, keeping him still and trying not to make a commotion, Dean couldn’t help but ask, “Do you want to watch TV?”

 

“I want to fly,” Castiel answered, not really hearing the man holding him.  

 

“I don’t think you’re getting through to him bro,” Benny called from the other side of the room.

 

“Shut up Benny,” Dean said again, without looking up. He was too busy watching the man, Castiel, mutter and stare off into space while he helped him take a seat. Kneeling beside Castiel, Dean grabbed the remote and placed it in his hand. It hit the floor from the lack of grip and Castiel went on muttering and curling into a ball in his chair.

 

“I want to fly…I have to.”

 

Benjamin got up out of his seat and walked over.

 

“I told you he was a mess,” Benny said.

 

“But Schizophrenia…you say?” Dean asked, looking up from the position he was in.

 

“Yeah…. Some nasty shit, isn’t it? The guy probably doesn’t even know we are here.” Benny said, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

 

“Still, he answered to Nurse Rachel, didn’t he? How is that?”

 

“Maybe he shows favoritism.” Benny shrugged. “Nurse Rachel is hot as hell so that can be counted for something,” he chuckled, then continued, “How about we leave him be, Winchester. It doesn’t look as if he is going to come around and start talking to you directly.”

 

Dean got up from kneeling… reluctantly, and followed back to the table to play a round of cards.  After the game, Dean noticed the young man still curled up with his knees to his chest, whimpering and talking to the air. Dean felt the ‘something’ inside him ache, brushing it off and minding his business, Dean told himself that it all just had to be pity….

For the evening, Dean lay in his bed with thoughts racing through his mind. He worried about his nightmares, what Alastair and Azazel might plan to do next, and what would happen if they caught Dean with the sharpened toothbrushes beforehand. What if anyone else caught him? What would he say in his defense, and how could he admit to being assaulted? The cold sweat built up around his forehead and Dean rubbed it away.

 

He could still smell that bastard’s breath…. and the feel of it on his skin, the man’s hands running through his hair and the feel of his own legs giving way as he was pushed onto his knees. The thoughts made Dean’s eyes water and the insides of his mouth dry and itchy. Rolling over and clutching onto the shanks underneath the pillow, Dean counted them and took a breath.  With all these thoughts, Dean ultimately began to wonder about the young man he just saw today; the angel guy.

 

Schizophrenics weren’t rare at the hospital, and Dean had seen plenty of them being dragged around and treated brutally, all the while screaming about voices they heard or the imaginary things they see. But something about Castiel was peculiar and it caught Dean’s attention. His soft voice and the weakened look in his blue eyes; his gentle demeanor. It all caught Dean’s curiosity deeply and he sighed throughout the night, trying to understand why he’d even rushed to Castiel’s side when he climbed that chair.

 

‘Why would I even care?’ Dean thought to himself.

 

Though sooner or later throughout the first week, Castiel finally would take to screaming, breaking Dean’s idea about him being a bit different from the rest. During the night Dean heard the cries and the commotion, the staff rushing to stop him whenever Castiel tried to escape. Repeating the same words over and over, “I want to fly. I want to fly. I want to fly. I have to!”

 

Dean was annoyed as hell, honestly…the words, ‘I want to fly’ burned into his skull, making his mind go numb. Other patients complained as well and Benny, of course, wanted to punch both Castiel and Garth in the face for all the noises they made. Eventually, Castiel went quiet again, his screaming dying back down to the soft mutters, relieving everyone, both the patients and the staff. But now unable to sleep, Castiel roamed the halls at night, rubbing his hands and tapping his head against the wall, while sitting idly on the floor. Talking to himself and his angels.

 _The angels_.

 

_The visions._

 

_The voices._

 

It all had started when he was young.

 

As a child he’d had imaginary friends…who were not so imaginary. The angels were there truly… to him. Holding him as his father gave up; saddened by the chances of not having a normal son. Castiel’s angels were there for him when his mother died, she had been the only one who believed in him. Talking to him about them and the golden heaven he could see.

 

Castiel couldn’t see his mother when she fell down that day, he couldn’t hear her whimper and thrash. Finding her drowned in the bathtub, her naked body twisted and wet. Her neck and spine had snapped from the fall, her head hitting the tile wall hard. She was still alive when she sunk down to the bottom of the tub unable to move, unable to call for her son.

 

For a moment…Castiel didn’t see his mother, just the golden heaven and its wonders. The magic and the tiny fairies singing to him. He was oblivious and in bliss until he walked into the bathroom. The sight of it resonated in his mind as his eyes widened severely, so much so that he could feel the thick stretch in the skin of his eyelids. As Castiel snapped back to reality he screamed and screamed at the top of his lungs. And the cry he emitted was heard throughout the entire neighborhood.

The police found the young boy and ruled the death as the accident it was. But there was no one left now for Castiel to talk to about his heavenly realm….no one left to understand him and love him when he was gone into his fantasy world for days. Growing up in the system, Castiel wasn’t exactly the poster child for adoption. No one wanted a kid with mental issues, and Cas faced many ordeals from being bullied and neglected. Though around the age of thirteen, Castiel experienced his first real hospitalization, and from there on frequented mental institutions.

 

Constantly losing himself and breaking away from reality, Castiel couldn’t function in society as a ‘normal’ citizen as he grew older. He needed constant care as his condition worsened every year, and with every year passing, his hold on what was real became more strained.

 

The white halls of the facilities becoming an airy cloudy space filled with wonders and magic, bright lights, enchanting music and soft voices. The bells of Heaven itself ringing for him, the sounds of clear waters running, the soft dewiness of the air kissing Castiel’s skin, making him feel more at home within himself then he had ever felt on Earth. He was at peace in his delightful haven, it kept him safe, whole and wanted. The voices he heard beckoned for him to come to them, to fly to them, to come and see the paradise. The multiple doctors who treated Castiel over the years agreed upon one thing; that one day Castiel would be lost to his condition completely.

_Stretch out your wings and come to us. We wait for you. Yearning for your presence; to show the universe. There is love here you’ve never known, and we have so many wonders. You’re an angel like us Castiel, and we welcome you with wide arms. The arms of grace and solace. Look up to the sky and find us. We sing and we wait for you to come to us. Fly Castiel…Come fly up to see us._

 

“I’m on my way,” Castiel would answer… “I’m on my way. Just give me time, please. Please.”

 

_The Gates of Heaven will be closing soon. Come to us Castiel. Come to us. Fly._

Getting out of bed and passing his snoring roommates, Dean walked out into the grey dim lit hallway. It was cold that evening, and Dean shivered as the goosebumps crawled through the pores of his skin. He heard the soft words again and wondered where the angel guy was. It didn’t take long to turn and notice the guy Castiel on the floor, with his head tapping against the wall. Checking for the overnight nurses and guards, Dean rushed over quickly to him.

 

“Hey hey hey.” The words came out of Dean’s mouth softly. “Don’t…Don’t do that.” He reached for the sides of Castiel’s face and pulled him away from the wall, making him stop the head banging. There wasn’t any blood and Dean thanked God; he wouldn’t have really known what to do for him. But still Castiel looked a little woozy and Dean looked around for the night nurses, no one was around to be found. The night staff weren’t as brutal as the day ones were, but they just didn’t really give a fuck about the patients. Castiel had been sitting alone for hours, tapping his head in the same area, and no one ever came to check on him.

 

Dean got up and rushed back to his room, taking his pillowcase and running cold water over in it the adjunct bathroom, then rushing back over to Castiel.

 

“This will be a bit cool,” Dean said, pressing the cold cloth to the sore area of Castiel’s head.

 

“Where’s Rachel?” Castiel asked in a sorrowful tone, and Dean was taken aback by the question, and the fact that Castiel was saying something else other than his usual four words.

 

“S-she’s gone home for the night,” Dean answered, narrowing his brows and bringing Castiel’s hand up to hold onto the wet pillowcase. Castiel didn’t care; he dropped his hand and sobbed out the words, quivering,

 

“I-I can’t stop hearing them.” He shook his head and slapped his temple. Castiel missed the nurse painfully, and didn’t know what to do without her help and guidance. Castiel didn’t know how he could survive the night, not with the voices speaking so loudly now.

 

“Hey, don’t do that!...Please don’t do that.” Dean reached for Castiel again and pulled his hands away from his head. His heart ached for this man he barely knew.

 

“Who are they?” Dean asked lowly. “What are you hearing?”

 

“T-the angels…” Castiel answered between sobs. “They’re signaling for me. I have to go to them. I have to get to them somehow.” Tears came running down his face and his lips trembled. He lowered his head with his shoulders shaking, and limbs weak.

 

Without thinking, Dean wiped Castiel’s tears carefully away with his thumbs. He didn’t know why he did it or if he even meant to do that… nor did Dean understand why he cared so much for the guy…but he did, Dean just did. A quiet moment fell between the two of them…. silence eating at their ears, Castiel crying softly and Dean holding his hands, looking at him and feeling for him.

 

Dean hugged the man close to him, wrapping his arms around him and resting Castiel’s head on his shoulder. Castiel whimpered and muttered, but relaxed in the sudden and soft embrace.

 

“You’ll be okay,” Dean said, placing a hand on the back of the young man’s dark hair, patting it softly and smoothing it carefully, trying to be like Nurse Rachel. Dean felt ridiculous, but there was something about Castiel that made you want to treat him with kindness. Dean didn’t know whether it was the look in his eye, or the way he slouched pitifully, or how he spoke so lightly. Or it was probably simply because Castiel just seemed to have that effect on people.  

Castiel looked back up slowly just as Dean turned his head at the exact same time. Their lips brushed up against each other abruptly. Dean jumped back with shock and wide eyes, but Castiel barely felt anything at that moment. His eyes were half open and heart still aching.

 

It was only a single moment before Dean, without thinking, leaned in toward the young man and kissed him completely, deeply and slowly. Touching his face and smoothing his dark hair, it felt good to feel someone and to touch them… but Dean felt a regret immediately, in his gut. Thinking that he was being like Alastair… it frightened him so, but suddenly he began to pull back, just as Castiel--for whatever reason- kissed Dean back. Opening his mouth and receiving all of Dean, their lips smacked quietly and their hands trembled. Very small moans escaped their throats, and they panted gently.

 

It had been a long time for the both of them since they had felt something pleasant. From his mother passing, this terrible hospital, the evil staff, and the attack, Dean had so much occurring that he nearly forgot what it felt like to be kissed…and Castiel- being stuck in his golden heaven- was used to the cold numbness of his own body…but somehow, the feel of another person so close and so warm brought him back to reality. Castiel found his hands gripping onto the other man’s sides.

 

“I’m sorry.” Dean pulled away as regret ate at him. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

Yet Castiel said nothing, he just looked at Dean with surprise in his eyes. The sorrow and worry he felt subsided…melted away, and he looked down, noticing his own hands on Dean’s sides.

 

“I’m sorry Castiel.” Dean pushed away further and moved to get up quickly. His goal in mind was to go back to his room and forget about what just happened…what he just did. But the dark-haired man grabbed his wrist and held it tight. Breathing heavily as new tears poured out of his eyes, peering up at the man who had reached out to him Castiel said,

 

“Thank you.”


	3. Go Watch The Door.

Looking up at the withering clouds, Castiel felt the breeze of the other world around him. Leaving the real world as his personal golden heaven enveloped him, and ascended him into a different shade of consciousness.

 

The voices were sweet today…not beckoning for him and threatening warnings… just singing to him, bells of happiness and enchantments. The real world swirled away, dizzying Cas, he loved it and hated it all at once. And maybe it was relief that washed over him when Cas felt the warmth of something…. of someone else in the distance.

 

 **_“Castiel...”_ ** A booming voice rang.

 

**_“Cas--”_ **

 

The voice was like thunder clapping violently, and it brought a vicious storm sending massive shockwaves and earthquakes into the golden starry realm that Castiel was engulfed by. Harshly, Castiel snapped back to reality and realized he was in the hospital’s dirty greenish grey courtyard.

 

It had been what seemed like days since the two of them saw each other. Regretful and angry with himself, Dean avoided Castiel the next morning. Sitting with his friends, Benny, Garth, and Ash at breakfast, watching Castiel eat alone muttering to himself and his angels as usual, Dean would stare for a moment until he caught Castiel’s eye. They’d look at each other for a moment before Castiel waved.

 

Dean looked away quickly, feeling like a damn high-schooler, as he hid his blush and rushed to eat his own food.

 

It wasn’t until the trip to the courtyard for the afternoon group walk that Dean got the courage to go speak to Castiel, who was standing alone looking at the sky. Dean’s plan was to still act like nothing happened, like the kiss was just an accident---which in truth it sort of was. Still Dean remembered how he came back into it, how Castiel opened his mouth to him and how they responded to each other’s touch, their moans still ringing in his ears. It felt so good to finally feel someone…yes, but Dean was ashamed for what he did. Wanting to apologize again for the last and final time, Dean stepped over to Castiel with the purpose of making things right.

 

“H-Hey, um…Cas…” He started awkwardly as he stood behind Castiel. Castiel kept looking up, he seemed off into his other dimension, and Dean’s heart seemed to break a bit as he felt let down, worried that he wouldn’t be able to make amends… Also deep down, Dean had been looking forward to seeing Cas’ pale face and to hear his tender voice. But Cas was _gone_ now, far from his reach, as much as Dean could tell.

 

“Come back soon,” Dean said before turning to leave, and beginning to think to himself, ‘Maybe this is for the best’--

 

“No…. I’m here…” Castiel said quietly. “Hello Dean.”

 

Dean looked back quickly when he heard, and paused...in shock and in love with the way Cas spoke his name.

 

Castiel kept his eyes on the clouds, struggling to keep hold of himself for a moment…. secretly wanting to return to his heaven…the desire to fly there still filled his heart. But he was breaking away…falling back to Earth.

 

Castiel closed his eyes, concentrating as he passed through veils of gold, amber and sapphire. Dots of stars vanishing into thin air, swirls of magic dissipating into nothingness, the warmth of the heaven fading into the coolness of the afternoon. He was back and it was Dean’s fault…. though did Castiel truly mind?

 

“Cas--?” Dean tried again. Thunder clapped above, in the sky inside of Castiel’s mind. Dean Winchester’s voice ruining and destroying the magical realm.  

 

“I can hear your voice amongst theirs.” Castiel opened his eyes and turned around. “And unlike ringing bells, magic and the soft songs, Dean, your voice is a thunderstorm for me and I hate it. I hate your voice…because it wakes me up, deep down, somehow. It just jolts me.” Castiel looked up at Dean, placing a hand on his own chest delicately.

 

Dean squinted his eyes in confusion, noticing Castiel’s soft action. Looking at his comely face now, Dean nearly forgot the reason he walked over.

 

“Cas…” he started over again….but realized he couldn’t say what he needed.

 

“What is it?” Castiel asked.

 

Dean waited a moment, trying to recapture his thoughts, but instead he said. “Tell me about it...The things you hear and see.”

 

Castiel frowned, “You wouldn’t want to know…It's far too beautiful to understand, and also far too horrific in its own way. But I will tell you that it comes quickly without warning and it stays…. it’s like a trap for me, and I have no mind or will to escape it when it arrives.”

 

“But you’re here now…. you’re actually here.” Dean said, coming closer without thinking or feeling himself move.

 

“Yes Dean, I’m here.” Castiel nodded, pressing a finger to his temple, taking a step closer. They stood together on the abandoned side of the courtyard face to face, taking each other in and remaining silent as the wind blew,

 

“Thank you again for the other night,” Castiel said.

 

“Yeah… about that.” Dean looked down, “I’m sorry again.”

 

“You should be,” Castiel said quickly, chuckling lightly; his smile bright and beautiful.

 

“What?” Dean was caught off guard and he placed his hands into the pockets of his light jacket, in order to keep them from wringing nervously. Castiel laughed again, noticing the action.

 

“I may have been going in and out of my world, but I can tell that you have been ignoring me all this time…I get it, but you don’t have to do that. I’m not clingy, and I’ve been on my own for years.”

 

“It’s not like that, Castiel,” Dean defended.

 

“Then what?” The question was soft coming out of Cas’ mouth, and Dean looked at it, missing the feel….Dean shook his head. “I-I just shouldn’t have. It’s like I was taking advantage of you.” Dean stepped away, fighting himself, his chest heaving and his heart thumping angrily. “I should have known better.”

 

Castiel read Dean like an open book and stopped smiling, sensing something serious.

 

“No Dean, no….” He shook his head. “It's not your fault or anything…. it’s not like you did anything wrong. You helped me…. and I’m thankful for it.”

 

Dean looked up just as Cas continued;

 

“You treated me in the most gentle way, and it’s better than the electric shocks they give me. Half the time that doesn’t even work. I still hear the voices, see the heaven, and right now… I still want to fly.”

 

Dean remained silent, unable to find words. Cas simply looked back up to the sky as Dean looked down at himself nervously, shaking as the cool wind blew between them again.

 

The other patients in the courtyard walked and spoke amongst themselves, or better yet to themselves, as the nurses monitored the afternoon activity. No one thought much of the two men standing together on the far left side. Dean felt an urge in his heart to speak but he couldn’t. There were no words, and also the butterflies in his belly wouldn’t let him talk.

 

‘So elementary,’ he thought, gnawing at the inside of his mouth, his tongue feeling flat and swollen all at once. Dean wanted Castiel to keep talking… to fill the air between them with his gentle voice, but Castiel was honestly waiting for Dean to break the silence. The silence between them was not awkward…no; it was full, heavy with mystery and want. Ready to be punctured like a fresh open wound with one word. One of them just had to take the first step and say something….

 

“I want you to kiss me again…” Castiel spoke so lowly that the wind nearly took his words, and Dean went numb, bewildered. Castiel never ceased to astound him.

 

“What?” Dean finally spoke.

 

“I mean, if you want to…” Castiel continued touching his own throat. “Only if you want to, Dean.”

 

“I want to,” Dean rushed to say without thinking, his heart racing and his eyes wide. He couldn’t believe Castiel and all that was happening.

 

“Then what are we waiting for, Dean?” Castiel said, nodding. He turned around and carefully began to walk over to the further left side of the courtyard, where no one was located. Making sure the nurses weren’t watching, Dean waited for Castiel to disappear behind the corner of the building, before quickly following the same path. No one saw them, luckily. No one except for Benny---who at that moment had just looked up to see Dean following Castiel.

 

As soon as their lips met, Dean and Cas were completely lost. The kiss started slowly like before… creating a warmth down inside them as they moved against each other. Their tongues stroking together and the hot slick of it, made both of them roll their eyes back. Their moans were muffled, and harsh breathing so low, as they tried to not make too many sounds.

 

Castiel was holding onto Dean’s shoulders tightly, the kissing made his knees buckle and his heart shake. His hands eventually began to roam down to Dean’s back, waist and thighs, finding their way up underneath Dean’s shirt, touching his stomach and making him jump.

 

“Your hands are cold…” Dean gasped at the touch.

 

“Sorry…” Cas whispered, and kissed at Dean’s neck to soften the apology. Toying with the top of Dean’s pants, pulling at the edge of them, Castiel asked, “What do you want?”

 

Dean took a deep breath…. he wanted everything and more. He wanted all Castiel had to offer, though Dean was unsure if he deserved so much so fast.

 

“Cas?” Dean moaned. “Oh Cas…I-I don’t know if I c-could--”

 

“Tell me.” Cas pressed his forehead to Dean’s. Dean trembled the words,

 

“I-I want you…I want all of you.” Dean pressed his lips to Cas’ once more, speaking into them. “I want you in my arms…I want to protect you from this place. I don’t ever want to see you hurt…And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for avoiding you.” He took Cas up into a strong embrace and held him tight, pushing Castiel’s thin body up against the brick wall, burying his face into Cas’ neck and touching him all over.

 

“Dean…” Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and received him, running his fingers through Dean’s hair. Tangled in each other and without thinking, Dean rolled Castiel’s pants down. Exposing the sharp hip bones and the straight mound of hair above his groin. Dean’s heart jumped as he took in the sight of Castiel; he was gorgeous.

 

“Oh, C-Cas.” Dean quivered as Castiel also went for his pants, pulling them down and grabbing hold of Dean firmly.  

 

There was a gargantuan pause when the heads of their cocks met, as if it was sort of a new kiss between them. The sensitive nerve endings flared up in a vicious dance, as Castiel kept hold of Dean and swirled his hips.

 

“Aww!” Dean let out and nearly jumped away, but Castiel reached behind and held him steady. As their manhoods dragged together thickly, the two began to move slowly. Castiel bit at Dean’s lips and sucked on them, listening to Dean moan quietly as he thrust and rubbed up against him. Dean groaned lowly, losing himself and whatever control he had. Buckling; from Castiel’s welcoming embrace and equal movement, Dean’s legs widened with each pump that became less timid than the next.

 

Breathing heavily, the two moved their hips against each other, kissing every once in a while, and staring into each other’s eyes. The heat built up as the friction between them increased, their bodies grew warm now from blushing.

 

Dean held onto Cas tightly, and gasped suddenly as Cas began to move faster, the speed making his own baggy pants drop to his ankles. The skin of his thighs began to smack into Cas’ with pre-cum smearing all over them, making the stroking and dragging slippery.

 

“C-Cas….you’re going to—you’re about to make me come out here,” Dean whimpered after a while... Cas smiled slightly for him and rubbed up. "Ahhh!" Dean moaned and covered his mouth, still attempting to keep quiet.  

 

“Do you want me to?” Cas asked now, with a harsh strain in his voice. “Do you want to come, Dean?”

 

Dean nodded desperately with his eyes closed. Cas reached down and grabbed both of their cocks and began to jerk as decently as he could…. bouncing in cadence with the jerking....their eyes locking together....their mouths hanging open… breathing harshly…. It only took a moment before they both erupted in a flood of velvet.

 

Castiel quivered hard, trying to hold back his moans, and Dean fought the urge to fall back. Leaning forward and pressing his hand onto the wall with an arm still wrapped around Castiel, he groaned deeply, shuddering.

 

Their bodies going limp, the two kissed again like they hadn't done before...as if it was brand new, like they were unable to get enough of it. It was just all too good and light on their hearts, with a touch of a melancholy sting.

 

Dean looked at Cas and loved him, without reason or just....he loved him.  

 

“Thank you…” Dean panted as if it were his turn to say so. “Thank you, Castiel.

 

Castiel smiled and kissed his cheek. “You’re welcome…. see? It’s not so tough, huh?"

 

Dean smiled sheepishly and pulled up his own pants slowly, watching Castiel do just the same. His body still ached at the sight of Cas' hip bones disappearing behind the fabric.

 

“Will you be ignoring me again?” Castiel asked now, coyly. Dean shook his head then said,

 

“Will you be _leaving_ again?”

 

Castiel froze…. Checkmate. He didn’t have a smart remark to make back, he just looked up to the sky. “It comes and it goes,” he mumbled.

 

Dean noticed what he had just done, and he kissed Cas again quickly.

 

“Hey....Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Look at me. I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry Castiel.”

 

“It’s okay Dean,” Castiel smiled. “I’m not going to fly away. Not today.”

* * *

 

“So, Dean…” Benny began, while sitting with Dean in the activity room during another round of cards. “How was your date earlier?”

 

“What?” Dean furrowed his brow and looked up, nearly dropping a card.

 

“I said how was your date? With the angel boy?” Benny nodded with a raised eyebrow. “I saw you two together earlier in the courtyard.”

 

Dean looked around the room before replying very lowly. “How much did you see?” he asked, with seriousness on his face.

 

Benny widened his eyes, smiled, and started to laugh. “Ha I knew it! I fucking knew it.”

 

“Benny tell me, how much did you see!” Dean snapped, trying hard to keep his voice down but getting tired of his friend’s bullshit. “I swear if you tell anyone—“

 

“Ahh, hush up. There’s nothing to be ashamed of Dean-o, someone’s got to get some lov’in in here somewhere. Annnd--,” Benny leaned forward to whisper, “I suggest the two of you go to the laundry room if you’re trying to find real privacy. I know a little birdy who knows how to get in there without anyone noticing.”

 

“Benny, what are you talking about?” Dean asked, full of confusion.

 

“I’m talking about you and angel boy…I know it’s none of my business, but fucking around outside is a sure way to get caught here, I’m sure of it. So be careful. And let me know when you want to get that room.” Benny snickered and winked at his best friend.

 

“Oh my God, Benny.” Dean dropped his cards, quitting the game. “ I can’t believe you.”

 

“Dean, I can’t believe you! Hiding shit from me….first off, how did you even get the guy to talk? And second off…. how the fuck did you get him to talk!?”

 

“Well, he’s a fucking grown ass human being, Benjamin, he knows how to speak.” Dean said.

 

“But all he has been saying is ‘I want to fly.’” Benny chortled, and suddenly Dean reached over and punched his arm. “Ow! Boy!”

 

“Don’t mock him.” Dean said seriously, pointing a finger.

 

“Alright, alright.” Benny got out of the way before Dean threw his second punch, waving his hands in defense. “Don’t be a bitch about it. No one ain't trying to make fun of your boyfriend.”

 

“Benny…” Dean rolled his eyes.

 

“Don’t deny it now…hell, I shouldn’t even be surprised with the way you were looking at the guy the first day you saw him…. What was his name again?”

 

“Castiel,” Dean answered.

 

“And where is he, right now? I got to see him again for myself,” Benny said. “If he is halfway normal like you, then it wouldn’t be a crime to get him back for all that fucking screaming he did those nights before.

 

“He went back to his room to go sleep for a bit,” Dean answered honestly, then regretted when Benny roared,

 

“OH, SO YOU WERE THAT GOOD HUH!?” Benny filled the room with laughter. The other patients around started to look up at them. “THAT’S MY BOY!!”

 

“Would you keep it down, please!!” Dean couldn’t hide his embarrassment. He was thankful that Castiel wasn’t here to see or hear Benny laugh, or to see Nurse Rachel—who was walking past-- come in, and nearly lose her temper with Benjamin for being so loud. Benny continued to laugh loudly, and gave Dean a thumbs up while he was escorted out of the activity room.

 

Dean couldn’t help but laugh for a second...but then he thought of Castiel more, and about what they did. The kiss, the touching, and how good it all felt. It indeed had been a long time since Dean was so close to someone, and he wondered how Castiel would be when he wakes up.

 

‘I hope he’ll be okay,’ Dean thought. He wanted to do right by Cas and spend more time with him, even if it was just another weird conversation, a silly game of UNO or Spades, or just watching TV. Dean looked forward to it, and hoped in his heart that Castiel would be a part of this world when he saw him again.

* * *

 Castiel awoke with stars and angelic fairies all around him, blazes of heavenly fire circling around his body and lacing in between his fingers, icy breaths of the magical air filling his lungs. He exhaled the purplish smoke and smelled the fresh lavender, felt the deep blue violets and blood-red roses. The colorful atmosphere twisted and turned, making the real world go far away.

 

Bound and lost to this heaven, Castiel stepped forward into it and was taken by it completely, and this consumption of him was deeper than ever before. Swaying back and forth and muttering, Castiel couldn’t feel his feet move as he walked the hallway. Castiel couldn’t see the two guards coming his way.

 

“Oh, look at what we have here,” Azazel said, leaning against the wall as Alastair smiled and backed Castiel into a corner.

 

“And where have you been hiding, little one?” The man said, poking Castiel in the chest and looking around the hallway. Nurse Rachel was gone home for the evening, and Nurse Naomi was busy with her back turned, yelling at another patient.

 

Alastair laughed with elation. “Let’s take him on a little trip.” Azazel nodded, leading the way to a vacant dark room on the further side down the hall. Closing the door and pushing Castiel against the wall, Alastair waved a hand in Castiel’s face. Noticing that he was unresponsive, Alastair smirked devilishly.

 

"Jackpot.... Hey ‘Zazel, what do you think about this one?" He asked, and his brother stepped forward, eyeing Castiel and shaking his head.

 

“Nah, the boys are all you, Al,” he said. “Go for it. I’ll keep watch. ”

 

"Oh, come ooon! you know you like them with dark hair... don't you?" Alastair chuckled.

 

"Well yeah, he is kinda cute, now that you mention it… But this ain't the same as it is in a prison. There you fuck or be fucked. But here?...Here they’re all just sacks of meat waiting for it."

 

"Exactly!” Alastair grinned. “That’s the beauty of it! This place is just an ass factory anyway!" He grabbed at Castiel’s face and squeezed. "Just imagine, we can just fuck and bust our nuts all over this one and he won't do a thing about it. Haha! Ain't that right, Angel Boy?" Alastair slapped Castiel’s face, and Cas began to curl up within himself, feeling something strange…

 

"I want to fly....I want to fly." Castiel muttered. Azazel groaned with annoyance and stepped up, grabbing Cas and pulling on his hair, extending his thin neck, looking over him and noticing his attractiveness. But to him it was still unusual.

 

"I don’t know about this one Al....I'd kind of want him to know he's being fucked. I like to hear ‘em scream.”

 

"Like that Kevin...he was a real screamer." Alastair laughed.

 

Azazel smirked a bit and kept his eye on the 'angel boy', licking his lips and spitting into the corner as his mouth salivated. Azazel noticed that Castiel was small, weak and entirely defenseless. The older man stood there eyeing the younger man’s thinner build and smooth dark hair. Wondering for a bit....

 

"Sooo,” Alastair said, starting to become impatient, “We’re doing this or what?"

 

Azazel looked up at his partner and said, “Go watch the door.”

 


	4. Paper Flower.

Castiel lay motionless, stripped down and bare, naked. His arms were weak and body full of deep red bruises, he had bite marks all over his neck and chest. The bed was covered in filth, the sheets sticky from sweat, saliva, vomit and semen. There were blood stains all over the greyish sheets, turning a dried dark disgusting brown. Cas’ body was sore and aching from the inside out.

‘I guess I can get up now.’ Castiel thought simply to himself. ‘Its all over now…so I can finally get up…. maybe even see Dean.’ Whimpering as he tried to lift himself, Castiel suddenly dropped back to the moist mattress, landing back in the pool of waste and groaning from the revolting smell. It was sour, and so was the taste in Cas’ mouth…a bitter sour. He couldn’t move; he just couldn’t.

He lay there in the filth with no thoughts in his head…no thoughts other than the memory of Dean and the night he kissed him, and of how they made love in the courtyard. How cold and warm he was at the same time, and how he tried to keep his moans low. It felt so much better with Dean…. than with Azazel or Alastair. Dean treated Cas with gentleness and sweetness. Thankfulness, instead of….

 

instead of…

 

instead of….

 

Instead….of…..

 

Castiel blinked tears thinking of what those men just did to him, and how they just left him inside the darkened room with his clothes torn to shreds and his pants still dangling around his ankles. His buttocks quivering, stinging soreness from the assault, Castiel sobbed lowly with a hoarse voice. His throat was dry from all the screaming.

 

‘Why didn’t anyone hear me.’ He thought, trying to lift himself up again. ‘I screamed loud enough…didn’t I?’ Castiel lifted his hand and remembered how. ‘I did. I did scream. I screamed for help.’

 

But still.  

 

But still.

 

_But still._

“I moaned.” Castiel wept to himself quietly. “I moaned….I moaned. I can’t believe I moaned. I let him make me moan.” He covered his face and cried.

The memory of it

The humiliation.

The fear.

The shame

It all flooded his mind.

* * *

 

“Don’t forget to lube up or you’ll end up with him shitting on you.” Alastair laughed as he went to the door. Azazel unbuckled his pants and dropped them to his ankles.

 

“Talking from experience Al’?” He asked his partner, and grinned.

 

“Shut the fuck up. And you better hurry up too, ‘cuz I want my dick sucked real good before someone else comes around here…I think we got a good hour and a half before we got to check in anyway.”

 

“HURRY UP THEN AND GET THE FUCK OUT.” Azazel shouted.

 

“ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT!” Alastair shut the door quickly.

 

Azazel looked over to the dark haired patient, who he forced down onto the bed.

“I want to fly….I have to.” Castiel felt the heat of the heavenly flame circling around him, and the smell of the lavender smoke filling up his nostrils. He was halfway into his bliss but the Angels….The Angels were no longer singing to him…loving him. They all were screaming now…..in fear, pain and confusion.

 

**Castiel You have to move now!**

**Now Castiel, now!**

**Castiel Move!….**

**Castiel move!!!…..**

**CASTIEL!!!!!**

**MOVE!!!!**

**NOOOOW!!!**

It was all in his mind, and the warnings in his heart frightened him. Castiel didn’t want to leave his heaven, but he flinched at the sounds of the angel’s screams. Questioning them; ignoring them. This part of his heaven was the most beautiful he’d ever seen, and he wanted to be there with his angels. He wanted to extend his own wings and fly with them.

 

“You gonna be flyin’ real soon, Angel boy.” Azazel snickered and spat heavily into his palm, and started jerking his manhood, lathering it with the slick; the wet smacking sounds of it echoed throughout the darkened room. It was night now, and the change in the day to night shift nurses was still continuing on the other side of the hospital. Alastair stood whistling and watching. The coast was clear…. no one was coming down the abandoned West hall.

Getting harder by the second and feeling a nasty lust build up inside him, Azazel spat more and jerked quicker, looking at Castiel, taking in how weak and fragile he was. ‘This is going to be too easy.’ Azazel thought, then slapping Castiel’s face with his free hand he said, “I bet you’re in there bitch…. I’m sure you are, and I’m gonna get you to scream. One way or another you’re gonna know…” Azazel smiled widely and felt the buds of pre-cum building up at the tip of his cock. “Just too damn easy.”

 

Castiel blinked, still ignoring the sounds from the angel’s cry. Closing his eyes, he just let his world surround him…but the atmosphere was beginning to crack.

_“It comes….and it goes.”_

Azazel tore off Castiel’s shirt and forced his back onto the bed, turning Cas around onto his stomach roughly. Kneeling behind Cas’ limp body, Azazel tore at his pants brutishly, ripping away the thin underwear, and exposing Castiel’s backside. Wasting no time, Azazel separated the cheeks of Castiel’s buttocks and hocked back deeply, then spat into it. Heavy globs of phlegm dripped down and ran over Castiel’s anus.

 

“Lets get you nice and wet.” Azazel said, forcing his fingers through the younger man’s hole with an evil grin. Working him over, Azazel noticed as Castiel’s body shook and twisted at the forced action. The heaven shifted and Cas’ mind swayed. He could feel…. he could feel something happening…. His legs kicked on their own, and as Azazel fingered harder, sounds started to escape Cas’ mouth involuntarily.

 

“UGH-H” His heavenly atmosphere broke…shattering. He was coming to the surface, and it was agonizing as he was ripped away from his heaven.

 

“There you are!” Azazel shouted with glee, and plunged his fingers deeper, scissoring Cas wide open.

 

“UUGH-H!” Castiel twisted abruptly. His magical world was shattering, and before he could figure out what was happening to him Azazel mounted him. Pressing all of his weight on top of Cas, Azazel took his own cock and pushed it through Castiel’s rectum, breaking the tight skin and swelling the hole with blood.  

 

Castiel’s eyes shot open immediately and he screamed, “AHHH-AHH!”

 

“YES!” Azazel pumped thickly, pushing Castiel’s face deep into the bed and laughed. “YES!!! Let that shit out, Angel boy! Go ahead and scream for me!”

 

Castiel shouted out and thrashed hard, still trying to move around; still trying to find out where the sudden pain was coming from.“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!!!?” Cas bellowed, and shook hard, as he felt the vicious stabs to his insides with every thrust delivered from the man on top of him.

 

Azazel slammed harder and harder, groaning in pleasure.

 

Castiel felt it all just as realization dawned on him. “STOP IT!” He yelled through burning hot tears, becoming aggravatingly desperate. “STOP IT!! S-STOPP-P!!!!!”

Azazel slammed more brutally as Castiel screamed, his cock getting even harder and urgent just from the sound of Castiel’s high-pitched voice. Telling the younger man into his ear, “I’m not going to stop…. I’m not going to stop and you know it.”

 

The whispering made Castiel thrash, irritation and fear rippling through his entire body, as he felt Azazel plunge deeper inside him…bottoming out. Castiel shot up from the massive pressure.

 

“AHHH!!! STOP IT ! STOP STOP STOP STOOOP IT!!!!”

Growing more excited and full of joy, Azazel sat up and quickly flipped Castiel over onto his back…wanting to see the young man’s face for himself.

 

Castiel, crying, wanted to fight back…. but he couldn’t move himself to do it. His limbs sizzled with a stiffening numbness. Terror gnawed at every cell in his being, while his mind was full of the pain from the ache in his backside…

 

Blood seeped out of his rectum profusely, dripping down onto the bed and moistening it. Castiel whimpered continuously, “No, no no!” But mostly to his dismay, Castiel’s body was starting to react in ways he didn’t want. It was with great misfortune and fear that Castiel realized that he was suddenly getting hard.

 

“Oh look at you…are you enjoying yourself Angel Boy?” Azazel chuckled, taking hold of Castiel and squeezing his manhood. “You’ve got a decent size baby…. real nice.” Azazel moved his fist and Castiel flinched hard.

 

“Ah no, no p-please!”

 

“So fucking cute.” Azazel smiled wide, moving his fist up and down for a long moment, making Castiel twitch and jump up.

“G-ugh!” Castiel grunted, trying to move his hands to fight but his body….his body was just so heavy; like concrete. Azazel noticed the lazy movement of Castiel’s limbs and smirked. Jumping back on top of Cas, he forced Cas’ legs up over his shoulders and smashed down his wrist and bit at his lips. Castiel moved his face immediately as Azazel tongued and kissed him.

 

“You want me to fuck you sweetly don’t you, huh cutie? You want it like that?” Azazel pushed back into Castiel, making him yelp.

 

“N-nooo. Nooo!”

 

“Yeah you do…. yeah you do. You want all of this.” Azazel groaned in elation. Castiel was tight, warm and very wet from the spit and blood, and Azazel pounded down into the hot wetness, feeling all his lust building up to uncontrollable peaks. The man went wild, smashing into Castiel relentlessly, holding down the younger man’s wrist, nails digging into the skin and circling his hips.

 

The bed rocked back and forth with the metal frame smacking against the wall, and the mattress squeaking. Cas’ cries reverberated throughout the room along with the sound of skin slapping together. Azazel laughed and enjoyed the sounds—it turned him on more as he felt Cas’ skin bounce back against his own. Slowing down suddenly, Azazel worked hard, digging deep into Cas’ body until….until…..

 

“AWW AWWW!!!!” Castiel moaned aloud as his prostate was suddenly hit.----And there was a pause---- Azazel hitching up his hips for a sheer moment to listen to Castiel’s blubbering and begging……..then Azazel slammed back down into the exact spot.

 

“Awww!” Castiel gasped to his own horror as the older man hit his prostate again and again.

 

“Yeah, there you go,” Azazel cooed in Cas’ ear, “you like it deep in there, don’t you?” Azazel slammed back into the same area and Castiel cried out and shook.

 

“Nooo! S-stop it please!” He begged. “Why are you doing this to me? Why!?” Castiel finally found himself, and fought against Azazel’s iron tight grip and screamed now, “HELP ME!!!! HELP!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!”

Azazel rolled his eyes and snickered, then sped up his pace once more as Castiel bawled at the top of his lungs, kicking his legs in the air and stomping violently onto the mattress.

 

Azazel was thrilled, slowing down and speeding up continuously. Circling his hips in order to get all the feel of Cas that he could, he delighted in Castiel’s body bucking back toward him with each thrust.

 

“Yeah-h Angel boy! That’s it, be a good dick-slut for me and fuck my shit back! Feel that shit!” Azazel growled. “You keep being good, you hear? And I’ll make sure to make you come….so hard and so sweetly, just like you want.”

Castiel was distraught, and his eyes full of tears, as the mattress continued to bounce and squeak as Azazel fucked at him. His eyes bulged open as his prostate was constantly struck harshly, and confusion ate at his heart and his body. So many questions ran through his mind…How did he get in here? Who was this man? Why was he doing this? Why was no one coming? Couldn’t anyone hear his cries? And where was Dean?

 

_Where is Dean?_

_WHERE IS DEANNN!!!!_

“DEAN!!!!” Castiel roared now. “D-DEANNN-N!!!!! HELPPPP MEEE!!!!”

* * *

 

Before leaving the activity room, Dean made a single paper flower out of multi-colored construction paper. He felt silly for actually using the craft skills he learned earlier from the art therapy session, but he thought of Cas and wondered if he’d like it. ‘He probably will.’ Dean’s heart danced as he folded the paper over, and glued the pieces together. Cutting the green paper, he made leaves and used glitter so it would sparkle.

 

‘Yeah he will like it.’ Dean smiled, pleased with his work….the flower looked like shit, he admitted to himself, but he kept his smile. It was nice to do something so pleasant for once.

 

Walking in the hall now, Dean’s mind raced a bit, as he thought of all the things he wanted to do with Castiel.

 

‘First we can sit together during movie night this coming Thursday.’ Dean chuckled at the thought, toying with the paper flower in his hands. ‘And maybe we can share snacks from the cafeteria if we can sneak them out….maybe even talk some more… I want to get to know him a little better. And maybe we can just….just maybe be with each other again…like in the courtyard.’

Dean laughed at his daydreaming and strolled down the hall, casually heading a little closer to the abandoned West wing. But then he stopped—remembering to stay away from the dark hallways, and turned back, making a note to tell Castiel about this too.

 

‘It will be good for him to know.’ Dean nodded to himself then looked up around in time enough to see Benny, who was finally being released from the nurses for the disturbance he caused earlier.

 

“Still in trouble, big guy?” Dean called out, and Benny turned to him and laughed.

 

“They can never keep me down, Winchester. You know that.” The two high fived and Dean smiled more, trying to hide the flower behind his back, but Benny caught sight of it.

 

“For your lover-boy, I presume?” Benny grinned, as they began to walk together in the other direction away from the West hall.  

 

Dean blushed and nodded, “Yeah. I want to go see Castiel now but I don’t want to bother him by being clingy or whatever. Haha…. he says that he’s not…. which makes me a bit self conscious because I think I actually am… sort of.” Dean blushed harder as he realized what he was saying. Usually he would keep things like this to himself, but tonight he was in such a good mood.

 

Benny was pleased to see Dean happy, and was actually relieved that he was more focused on something good instead of that day in the storeroom with Alastair. It was about time something decent happened to someone around here, and it was so delightful for Benny that he even felt it in himself to drop his grudge against Castiel for being such a loud mouthed bastard during his first few nights.

 

“Hey,” Benny started with a quick chuckle.

 

“What’s up?” Dean asked curiously.

 

“Let me show you the way into that laundry room…. just in case, buddy.” Benny winked and slapped Dean on the back, and led him down toward the East hall.

**\--**

“DEAN!!! DEAN!!” Castiel shouted, and Azazel covered Castiel’s mouth now, listening to him muffle into his palm, and feeling the hot wet tears from Cas’ swelling eyes moisten the edge of his wrist. Fucking faster and harder than before, Azazel pulled at Cas’ hair, tearing parts of it out and biting harshly at Cas’ skin, sucking on it and leaving unwelcomed blood red bruises.

 

The room was full of horrendous sounds as Azazel continued to rape Cas. The bed was slamming hard, and Castiel’s muffled screams died down to low groans….and as it continued Castiel began to moan deeply. His body was calming down, and reacting more and more to the forced act.

 

Castiel relaxed into it somehow….listening to Azazel’s groaning and filthy whispering. He watched the ceiling as his body bounced back and forth and felt something in him welling up; a more intense pressure.         

 

The shock grew extensively inside Castiel, and his eyes went blank, staring into the darkness as he suddenly ejaculated. Moaning as the tremors infected his body, he shook all over and came in a wild unwanted flood that splattered everywhere between his naked body and Azazel’s.

 

The pleasure of it was absent…non existent; Castiel climaxed in sheer pain. Mortified at the action, he cried out in shame that he couldn’t hold it back. It was too much for him…too much to contain….he couldn’t help but to just-- let it all go.

 

Azazel, still groaning and thrusting, reached down and jerked Castiel. Making sure every last bit of cum erupted out of Cas, he smiled to himself as the younger man cried and sobbed underneath him.

 

“AH! FUCK!....SHIT!” Azazel shouted…. coming hard inside of Castiel.

 

Proud of his work and in ecstasy, Azazel pumped to a sharp finish and pulled out very slowly, patting his cockhead against Castiel’s torn bleeding anus. Cas flinched and shivered sharply as he felt the fluid leak out of him in substantial globs. Azazel was done and he slapped Cas’ quivering thighs as he knelt up and got his pants.

 

Relieved…

 

Horrified….

 

and in shock, Castiel curled into a ball on the bed, crying, wishing his heaven would come…. wishing for his thunderstorm.

“D-Dean!” he sobbed. “D-Dean-n.”

“Winchester?” Azazel winced in confusion while listening to Castiel, wondering why the guy kept saying the same name. “Well, must be your little friend, huh? He isn’t here Angel boy… It’s just us.”

 

And as if on cue, Alastair opened the door and walked back into the room after he noticed the noises had stopped.

 

“Damn ‘Zazel you fucked him up!” Alastair shouted, and noticed the blood on the sheets and the heavy bite marks all over the patient’s body. Castiel coughed and cried, whimpering and shivering, unable to really move.

 

“Help me sir, please, he’s been hurting me-e.” Castiel said to Alastair.

 

There was a quiet moment, and then the two guards laughed at Castiel’s pleas.

 

Castiel watched, perplexed and in terror as the two men resumed their conversation.

 

“I got him to scream though,” Azazel smirked deviously, buckling up his uniform pants and straightening his shirt and his hair. “He didn’t shit on me and I made him come! Ha-ha beat that Ally-cat.”

 

“Oh shit! Really!? Damn ‘Zazel, you nasty bastard!” Alastair chortled and took a good look at Castiel “Man! I knew I should’ve just gone first. All I wanted was my dick sucked…. Now look at what I got to deal with.” Alastair complained, walking over to the bed and forcing Cas to turn over

 

“Ah!” Castiel groaned,  and Alastair replied, “Shut the fuck up, bitch.”

 

He took another look and noticed the cum all over Cas’ torso then said, “SHIT! Azazel! At least make him clean up after himself!”   

 

“Alastair, shut the hell up and just take the sheet and wipe the shit off yo’ damn self.” Azazel said, becoming irritated with his brother. “And you hurry up and do what you need. It’s almost time to get out of here.”

“Yeah, thanks to you I got to make it quick….uhhh shit! Whatever,  just get the fuck out of here then.” Alastair took off his belt and unzipped his pants. Azazel cackled and took his turn to watch the door.

* * *

 

A few hours later Castiel lay motionlessly on the bed.

 

‘I guess I can get up now.’ Castiel thought simply to himself… ‘Its all over now…so I can finally get up…. maybe even see Dean.’


	5. Good Girl.

_Three hours earlier_

 

Alastair and Azazel made their way out of the West hall and headed to the main hall. It was almost time for them to clock out for the end of their shift, but they made time to stop at the nurse’s station to see their acolyte, Meg Masters.

 

The beautiful dark haired woman was sitting alone reading a magazine, and watching the clock before she had to do her rounds. Alastair whistled to get her attention and she looked up then sighed with regret.

 

“Oh shit, you fuckers.” She said, already annoyed by their presence.

 

“Come with us.” Alastair sang with a smile, and signaled for her with his hand. Huffing a deep breath, Meg got up from her station and slammed down her magazine, balling her hands into fists as she followed the two men into an old storage unit.

 

They only ever contacted her when they had done something with a patient, and Nurse Meg was getting tired of always having to clean up after them. Inside the small storage room she switched on the light just as the two officers turned and looked at her. Alastair, leaned against the wall next to Meg and began,

 

“West hall, Room 12.”

 

“What happened this time?” Nurse Meg rolled her eyes.

 

“A patient threw up all over the place.” Alastair sighed in disgust. It was clear that he was still pissed at what happened during his turn with Castiel.

 

“Is that why you smell?” Meg wrinkled her nose and smelled the vomit coming from Alastair’s pants and shoes.

 

“Shut the fuck up.” Alastair grumbled, but then rubbed his shoe against the floor. Nurse Meg sighed again and leaned up against the wall with her arms folded,

 

“When are you guys going to leave that boy alone?”

 

“It wasn’t Kevin Tran this time.” Alastair smirked, then elbowed his brother in the side.

 

“Then who?” Meg asked.

 

“The one who talks about angels and flying.” Alastair replied with a bigger smile.

 

“Castiel…” Nurse Meg blinked and narrowed her brows abruptly. “Why him?”

 

“He was just walking around all absent minded-- like most of these nut brains in here.” Azazel said with a shrug. “And Alastair and I didn’t have the chance to properly introduce ourselves yet…especially with that Nurse Rachel with him all throughout the day. ”

 

“And it was one hell of an introduction.” Alastair laughed, cackling and looking at Meg—who was in shock—but he ignored her expression and continued. “Azazel here took it all away with an astounding performance. I could barely get my turn in with the way he went on.”

 

Azazel smirked and then said, “I must say I was honestly getting tired of hearing Kevin scream…needed someone new, and judging how tight Angel Boy was you can say he was brand new.”

 

“Yeah, lucky for you! I ended up being threw up on.” Alastair backhanded his brother’s chest.

 

“That’s what you get, Alastair. Nobody in here is trying to suck your damn dick.”

Azazel pushed at Alastair for hitting him.

 

“Ugh! I’m so fucking pissed; I’m going to get that Angel Boy back for that.”

 

“Or you can finally just get Dean Winchester like you planned at first.” Azazel suggested.

 

“I see your game…’Zazel…You just want the Angel Boy all to yourself.” Alastair pointed out.

 

“Damn straight. He’s mine.” Azazel said.

 

“You guys actually raped Castiel,” Meg started, and the two men looked at her,

 

“What do you care?” Alastair asked with a wince, reading her expression.

 

Though Meg Masters didn’t actually care much about the patients in the hospital, she had a fondness for the angel one. But Meg would never admit to this. “I don’t care,” she lied slowly, and the two men could tell.

 

Azazel huffed and rolled his eyes, “Women. Am I right?” He said to Alastair, and Alastair shook his head.

 

“Just go clean up the room before someone else sees it, Meg. You know the drill. We’ll even make sure to throw in a few extra hundred more if you make sure the job is done perfectly, okay?” Alastair said and pinched Meg’s cheek. Meg moved away and grimaced.

 

“Don’t touch me…I ought to report you two.”

 

“Oh really?” Azazel laughed now. “You’re going to snitch out on us…after all these years? After all the shit you’ve done?”

 

Meg froze for a moment and then sucked her teeth, remembering how it all started, way back during her first days at the hospital. Azazel was right and Meg knew it. Defeated she said, “Alright alright…I’ll do it… But I won’t be able to get to it right away. I’m on duty and I have to check all the rooms in both the North and South hall, and that’s going to take me a while.”

 

“Get someone else to do that for you.” Azazel said.

 

“I am already covering for Ruby and that bitch Anna tonight!” Meg grumbled, becoming irritated. “Everyone took off, and it’s only me and a few other nurses right now.”  

“Shit! How long will it take you to get over there?” Alastair scowled.

 

“I don’t know….I also have to check on my patients an---”

 

“No excuses, Masters….” Azazel suddenly stepped forward, pressing the woman against the wall. “You get paid a lot of money to keep this little secret. And if word gets out about this, you’re going to go down with us as our accomplice. Remember that.”

 

“Well, you should have thought about that twice before deciding to hurt patients, Azazel.” Meg swallowed back her agitation.

 

“Like you’re the one to judge, bitch.” Alastair stepped in. “You’ve been doing this for a long time…no need to have a heart now.”

 

Meg shook her head and held her arms close to herself, “ But that guy, Castiel though? Why him…. he hasn’t done anything to anyone. Ever.”

 

“Neither have any of the others, but you never complained about it.” Azazel sighed with a shrug, and looked at her with a demeaning eye. Meg looked away...she was trapped in this much like anyone else would have been. But the money…it was good; better and more than the hospital paid… though in the end it was all her choice anyway. The young woman took a deep breath and said,

 

“Look…I’ll make sure no one goes down that hall, but in the meantime just give me a couple hours to do my job…then I’ll clean it up and take care of the patient. Okay?”

 

Azazel reached into his pocket, pulling out the cash. He held the roll of hundreds in Nurse Meg’s face; she looked at it…desperate for it she reached, but Azazel pulled it away. Pressing his hand against the wall and crowding Meg, Azazel got serious.

 

“In four hours I’m going to give you a call. I know when your shift ends and I know where you stay. If you don’t pick up and confirm the job is done, Alastair and I are going to put one in between your eyes. Do you understand?”

 

“And not without having a little ‘fun’ with you first.” Alastair added, snickering. After a pause, Meg nodded with her lips tight. She reached for the money but Azazel held it away again,

 

“Do. You. Understand?” he repeated himself slowly, with a furious look in his eyes.

 

“Yes, I understand.” Meg shook, and hissed between her teeth. She reached for the money one more time, just as Azazel dropped the wad of cash onto the floor. Meg bent over to pick it up, but Alastair pulled her up swiftly and punched in her stomach.

 

“Shit!” Meg tumbled over.

 

“Just to make things clear,” Alastair said, “we’re giving you way more than enough time to do this, so it better be done right. Make sure there isn’t even a spot left. Got it?”

 

“And make sure that the patient is set up good and right with those drugs…Say he went crazy and you needed to knock him out or something.” Azazel said. Meg crawled on the floor and grabbed for the money, holding onto it with a firm grip.

 

“There are sedatives that can give him amnesia for a while.” Meg coughed. “That should keep things under control.”

 

“Good.” Azazel said, heading for the door. Meg stood up after the man stepped over her.

 

“Get to back to work then, sweetheart.” Alastair said to Meg as she straightened up. He slapped her rear hard as he followed his partner out the door.

 

Before getting back to her station, Nurse Meg stood in the storage unit for a moment…. counting the money over a dozen times then tucking it away in her bra. A couple of hours later Meg had moved quickly to the West hall. Making sure to appear casual as she walked, Meg had the supplies she needed, but when she got to Room 12 her heart dropped. Not because of the soiled sheets or the smell of blood and vomit hanging heavy in the air, but because the patient, Castiel Novak, was gone.

* * *

“Has anyone seen Cas?” Dean asked, while looking over his shoulder as he stood in line for dinner with Benny, Garth and Ash. They all shrugged at Dean as they handled trays, grabbed at food, and walked over to their usual table.

 

“Maybe he is still sleeping? Or simply doesn’t want dinner…. he is skinny as hell.” Benny said with a laugh, as he and Dean settled into their seats.

 

“Yeah that was back at two today…he shouldn’t be out of it for this long.” Dean fidgeted. “I don’t think Nurse Rachel gave him anything.”

 

“Pipe down, okay. He’s fine, I’m sure.” Benny said.

 

Dean pulled his lips together tightly and said, “I don’t know. I think I should go check on him.”

 

“Just give it a minute, he’ll show up.” Benny said, and Dean went quiet for a moment, trying not to worry. He kept looking at the cafeteria entrance and watched the dinner line for the smooth dark hair and thin frame that was Cas, but there was no sign of him.

 

Dean frowned and continued to look up every other second. He got excited for a moment when he saw a mop of black hair, but then settled down, realizing it was only Kevin Tran. Still Dean waved over to him, surprised to see even him.

 

Kevin would usually sit with the group and laugh along with Dean and Ash as Benny argued with Garth over something dumb. But  for the past couple of weeks Kevin had been isolating himself. Dean wondered why, but whenever he went to speak to him, Kevin would run off crying and screaming until the nurses came to get him.

 

Dean figured it was his depression; that it was getting worse, that the treatment was going poorly and Kevin just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Benny and the others thought it was best to give him some space for a while, but Dean would always made sure to signal for him to come over during every meal or activity. But every time Kevin would look up and refuse the offer. This time was no different. Kevin sat alone with his face in his hands…staring at his plate.

 

“Things are getting too strange around here.” Dean said, looking back over and getting out of his seat.

 

“That’s nothing new.” Garth said, toying with the moldy bread of his sloppy-joe sandwich. “And where are you going, Dean?”

 

“He’s going to go find his angel boy.” Benny chuckled and chewed.

 

Dean rolled his eyes, and made sure to get his paper flower off the table before any of his asshole friends decided to grab it and make fun of it. Benjamin especially, who had snatched it away from Dean while they were in the laundry room earlier, chanting aloud childishly, “Dean fucked Cas!”

 

“SHUT UP!” Dean had shouted, tackling Benny and ripping the flower out of his hands, nearly losing his cool while punching at him.

 

Now Benny laughed in the cafeteria remembering it as well, and went to speak about it, but Dean caught him in time by slamming his hand on the table,

 

“You keep your mouth shut Benjamin!” Dean growled.

 

“I wasn’t going to say shit, Dean!” Benny chortled, lifting his hands in defeat.

 

“Oh I know…but you were thinking it.” Dean pointed at him while stepping away.

 

“What are you two talking about?” Ash asked.

 

“Yeah? And what’s with that flower, Dean?” Garth joined in.

 

Dean rolled his eyes in defeat just as Benny said, “Let’s just say Dean’s got an angel on his shoulder.”

 

“OOOOOOH!!!” Ash caught on quickly while Garth was still lost. It took a second for it to finally hit him, then Garth roared, slapping the table,

 

“HAHA WOW, DEAN AND THE ANGEL GUY?”

 

“You guys are assholes!” Dean stomped away as they hooted and howled behind him.

Heading down the hall to find Castiel’s assigned room, Dean walked until he saw Cas’ full name on the small sign that was adjacent to the door. Noticing that there was only his name on the sign and no others, Dean knocked at the door and looked in quickly before any nurses came to stop him.

 

“Cas?” He called as he further noticed the empty bedroom, and thought how lucky Cas was to have a room all to himself. A little jealous, Dean chuckled and thought, ‘Maybe if I play my cards right I can get my room switched over to here with Cas, and that way we can spend more time together without really having to sneak around.’

 

Dean began to daydream a bit about how he and Castiel could stay up nights talking and what not, touching and kissing each other in the same bed. He shook his head with a smile and felt the butterflies twist and turn in his belly. ‘Just like a damn schoolgirl.’ He thought. ‘I got to get it together…but still I can’t wait to see him again, really.

 

“But where the hell is he?” Dean asked to himself, thinking and feeling something in his gut…it wasn’t right. Cas had been with Dean just this early afternoon, but now it was going on eight and the cafeteria would be closing soon. ‘Maybe he got up and went to the bathroom or something.’ Dean thought, holding onto the paper flower nervously. ‘Maybe he’s just skipping because he’s not hungry. It’s like what had Benny said…Cas is small, he should eat though.’ Dean smirked at himself but something in the air hung hard and heavy and he couldn’t shake it. He grew more concerned by the second.

 

‘Cas wouldn’t be avoiding me…not like how I did him. He’s not a coward like I was… Maybe he is pissed because of what I said in the courtyard…but I had apologized. I actually apologized and he said he wouldn’t… that he wouldn’t fly away.’ Dean had shut the door, turning around and clutching the flower. Though as Dean walked back up the hall away from Castiel’s room he heard the screams.

* * *

 

‘I guess I can get up now,’ Castiel thought simply to himself, still lying in the pool of waste on the moist mattress… ‘It's all over now…so I can finally get up…. maybe even see Dean. But…,’ Castiel tried to lift himself up again, struggling, ‘I can't let him see me this way, not like this…never like this.’ He pushed his way off the bed and hit the floor.

 

His body was still heavy like concrete, and he stuck to the floor like a magnet. But he pushed himself back up, and as he went to sit up on his rear Cas flinched hard at the pain that struck him and ran up his spine.

 

“Ahhh!” He gasped, and fell back down. Touching himself from behind, he felt the thick moisture of blood. Most of it was dried red over his pale skin, but as he opened himself a new glob of it poured out. “Ugh!” He dropped his head, feeling defeated.

 

‘I can't believe this happened….how did I even get in here?....how did they get me? Who were they and why?’ The questions raced throughout Castiel’s mind as he rolled onto his side.  

 

Crawling up to his feet, Cas grabbed for his ruined clothes. Pulling his pants up slowly over his bruised backside and reaching for his torn shirt, Castiel knew it was pointless to put the clothes back on, but he did it anyway. He put his shirt on, even though it was torn down the middle. Holding onto the loose fabric, Cas made his way out of the darkened room.

 

He didn’t recognize the hall that he stepped into. Nurse Rachel never brought him down this way, and she would usually walk him through the other halls during the day and show him around. But this area was foreign to him. But in Castiel’s defense, no one ever came down the abandoned West hall because of its reputation. It was the place where most patients went to commit suicide, and Castiel had no knowledge of this. Nurse Rachel herself made sure of it, and even went to great lengths to have him in his assigned hall at the end of all her shifts. Hoping that he would stay put overnight, she ever imagined something like this ever happening.

 

The hall was pitch black; so much so, Cas could barely see his hands as he walked up toward the left side. It was unbeknownst to him that he was moving further down into the hall.

 

‘I can’t let Dean see me so messed up…’ Castiel continued to think. ‘He must be worried about me right now and probably thinking I am avoiding him…I just have to get cleaned up somewhere right fast. And I can go see him soon…He might even want me again…but I can’t let him touch me…. not while I am like this.’

 

Castiel moved down the blackened hall, touching the dusty old walls, flinching as he felt the bugs running under his palm. ‘I just have to find a bathroom and I can get ready.’ And as if it were sheer luck, Castiel found the old run down shower room. Switching on the light and stepping in, he sighed to himself.

 

“Okay…. okay I’ll be okay.” He said, while taking his pants and pulling them down slowly; the pain in his backside aching deeply as he moved.

 

Turning on the shower, Castiel watched as the showerhead spurted out brown lukewarm water. Castiel didn’t care about the color or foul smell. He got under the waterfall quickly without hesitation, and immediately started to wash the dried semen out of his hair, letting the water run over his bruises and open bite wounds. He cried out at the stinging sensation, and curled in within himself for a moment until he got used to the feel. Turning around and opening himself up, Castiel let the water run into his insides, clearing away the blood and semen that the first man left inside him.

 

“Ugh!” Castiel shouted as it burned, hot pain shooting through his nerves and making him tremble violently. Letting go of himself and turning back around quickly, he scraped away at the caked up vomit off of his chin and his cheeks. Opening his mouth and rinsing away the taste, he noted to himself to brush his teeth properly before seeing Dean.

 

‘He might want to kiss me…I don’t know if he would though, if he ever found this out…I have to make sure he doesn’t find out….’ Castiel suddenly began to bawl.

 

“What if he won’t want me anymore?” he sobbed aloud under the water.

 

Castiel remembered it all so suddenly what that first man, Azazel, did. The memory infected his mind, and Castiel thought of how the man made him moan during it and how he made him ejaculate…. the stickiness, the heat and the bursting pain of it all. Confusion ate at Castiel as he thought to himself, ‘I came.’ His heart raced as the water ran down his face mixing with his tears. ‘I actually came….Does that mean I liked it?’

 

The dark thought of it slashed its way into Castiel’s mind without warning, and suddenly Castiel took a deep breath in and cried out. It was all so swift the way Castiel lost control of himself, slapping at his own face and clawing at his skin with his nails. Remembering how the man, Azazel, bit and sucked on his neck and chest, Castiel screamed and screamed…louder than he did before; louder than he did when Azazel was on top of him.

 

Slamming his body against the shower wall, Castiel continued to shout and bellow, falling to the wet floor and kicking against it in a wild thrash. Getting up to his feet, punching at the air and swinging his thin arms hitting nothing just wasn’t enough, it surely wasn’t enough. Cas had to do something to ignite the true pain within himself, to punish himself for being so weak and helpless.

 

Punching his head and face viciously, Castiel grunted at the pain but kept going. He hated himself now for allowing this horrid thing to happen to him. Cas was worried, scared and angry… so fucking angry, and anxiety gnawed at his heart as he thought of Dean. Thinking of how he may not want him any more, thinking of how those two men ruined him, Cas hated everything about himself now…. his thinness, his weakness, his inability to fight back and ultimately his condition. Rushing over to the mirror he looked at himself, heaving heavy and sobbing, as the realization dawned over him while he grasped hold onto the sink.

 

‘My heaven had me, it had me deep. That has to be it, that’s how they got me…. that’s how I got into that room.’

 

“ _You’re gonna be flying real soon.”_ Azazel’s words ate at Cas’ mind and he shook, holding onto the bathroom sink.

 

“That’s how this happened,” Cas said to himself, then sobbed out again. “I can’t believe this happened.”

 

The anxiety built on itself and Castiel felt its heaviness; regret hurt and shame rotating in his mind and digging its way further inside his body. Just like Azazel did, digging deep inside and finding all of Castiel until he hit the tender spot that made Castiel moan out as if he wanted it…Castiel shouted and stomped the ground as the memory replayed over and over in his head, non-stop.

 

Screaming again wildly, Castiel smashed the bathroom mirror with his bare arms, allowing the glass to cut into his flesh. He remembered everything all at once; the gurgling sounds as he was forced to suck the second man’s cock, the vomit building up and spraying everywhere, the snot shooting out of Castiel’s nose and the tears blinding his eyes as Alastair beat him viciously for throwing up.

It was all too much for him, and Castiel lost himself in this new fit of rage.

 

“AHH!!!!AHHHH!!!” He wailed wordlessly, and without thinking he took the pieces of the mirror and began to stab at himself. His skin ripped open, as the jagged edges of the mirror piece ran through his flesh, and the new pain washed over him in a relief as Castiel sliced the swollen hickeys and festering bites that Azazel left.

 

Castiel could still feel the man’s teeth even as he stabbed into his chest and sliced away at parts of his neck. The skin pulled away and hit the floor as the blood flowed, and Castiel gasped and cried at the new agony that blanketed his mind.

 

He wanted to escape…the hospital…life. He wanted to be in his heaven forever, but it wouldn’t come now…not now.  It wouldn’t come at Castiel’s command, so he ripped away at his skin, until there was nothing but chunks and strips of it on the floor.

* * *

 

Dean looked around when he heard someone screaming; it was a woman’s voice ringing loud and reverberating. There was a commotion in the main hall, and Dean walked fast- nearly running- quickly, to see what was going on.

 

It was Nurse Meg’s screaming at the top of her lungs in the main hall, that got everyone rushing into the area from the cafeteria and the offices to see what was happening. Dean pushed past everyone as the patients began to crowd around…his heart racing at the sight of the bloody footprints on the white flooring. Shock washed over his entire body heavily, as he recognized the wet dark hair and thin naked frame.

 

“Castiel?” Dean stepped forward, his voice cracking, full of terror.

 

“D-Dean. Dean-n.” Castiel coughed through tears, the blood gushing out of the large wounds all over his torso where pieces of the mirror’s glass still remained. There were deep gashes all over his naked body, and Castiel whimpered and cried out in the middle of the main hall with everyone watching.

 

“D-Dean-n.” Castiel begged again, before tumbling over.

 

“CAS!!! CAS!!!” Dean rushed over to him and caught Castiel in time, falling to his knees with Castiel in his arms, and dropping the flower to the floor.

 

“Cas! Castiel! What happened!? WHAT HAPPENED!?” Dean shouted with fear, scared when Castiel closed his eyes. He shook him and shouted again, “CASTIEL!!”

 

“LET GO OF HIM WINCHESTER!!!” Officer Zachariah shouted, running down from the northern hall with his partner, Joshua, and Nurse Naomi in tow, pushing the multitude of patients out of the way, to get over to Dean and Cas. Dean ignored everyone’s yelling, and continued to hold Castiel.

 

“I couldn’t fight them! Dean, I couldn’t fight them!” Castiel wept in Dean’s arms, shaking, the glass digging deeper into him and even cutting into Dean’s shirt as he struggled to hold Cas up. “I couldn’t…Dean….I wasn’t strong enough….It was too much. They did so much…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

 

Dean didn’t understand. He thought Castiel was talking about his heaven, his angels....but it couldn't be. Something warned Dean that it was something else.

 

“Castiel, who did this to you? ….WHO DID THIS!!?” he cried out, sudden tears blinding him. Castiel just shook his head with heavy hot tears running down his swollen face. The two officers came and ripped the two of them away.

 

“NO! NO, LET ME GO.” Dean struggled in Officer Zachariah’s grip. “CAS, TELL ME! WHO DID THIS TO YOU? WHO DID THIS!!!”

 

Castiel didn’t answer, he just cried and screamed Dean’s name as Officer Joshua picked him up and carried him away to the infirmary. Nurse Naomi followed after him, along with the two nurses Hannah and Samandriel.

 

Cas’ screams for Dean echoed as they carried him away. Everyone watched Dean, as he stood in the middle of the hall with the paper flower lying at his feet in Castiel’s blood.

* * *

 

Meg answered her phone as she walked away from the incident, going deep into the West hall. Looking into the shower and seeing all the blood, she was careful not to step in or mess up the bloody foot tracks that Castiel left as he had walked to the main hall.

 

“Is it done?” Azazel asked over the line.

 

“It took some improvising, but the job is handled,” Meg answered, remembering that it had taken her some time to get to Castiel in the infirmary. She worked quickly when Nurse Naomi and the others finally left the room.

 

“The patient shouldn’t remember a thing,” Meg said.

 

“Good girl,” Azazel said, then hung up the phone abruptly.

 

Nurse Meg put her phone away in her pocket and looked down at the loaded syringe in her hands…knowing what it would cost her. And on the other side of town, the two men waited for her inside her apartment.


	6. Can I Tell You A Story?

The surgery had gone on for hours as the doctors worked diligently to remove every piece and shard of glass from the patient’s body, taking their time to clean and suture up the large stab wounds and massive gashes. The damage was severe, and some areas of the patient’s torso had to be stapled back together, along with skin adhesives being applied to the patient’s neck and limbs.

Castiel had screamed and cried all the way into the infirmary until he was given the anesthesia.

 

It knocked him out gradually… his heavy groans dying down to soft breathing, his mind gone and eyes closing. The anesthesia sent him away…far away, to a heaven he never saw before. Not a place of gold, but a dream world of indigo and ivory, a velvety atmosphere… so dense that you could grab and release the very air you breathed. It was a place outside of time and earthly essence, and there were no angels, not in this heaven. But there stood a young man in the distance…waiting for him.

 

_Dean._

 

_Dearest Dean…._

 

_Sweet green eyes and beautiful sandy brown hair…. light freckles and curved legs. A good-hearted person with a thick and honest voice.. No evil…no darkness…no malice…. just love, devotion and kindness. Nothing but love..._

 

_“Cas…you’re here…I’ve been looking for you.”_

 

_“Dean.” Cas sighed with relief and walked over to his beloved, his footsteps ringing softly as he stepped. “Dean!” Castiel hugged Dean tight, and Dean hugged him back._

 

_“I’ve been so worried about you,” Dean said. “Where have you been?”_

 

_“Oh Dean!” Cas cried suddenly, the air around him shaking. “I’ve been so scared. I thought I wouldn’t be able to find you in time. I’m so sorry for making you wait on me.”_

 

_“No, no.” Dean shook his head…taking Cas up into his arms tightly and kissing him.“Don’t ever be sorry, there is no need to be. We’re here together now, that’s all that matters, Castiel….oh my dear Castiel, I missed you so much.”_

 

_“Dean…” Cas said, before Dean brought him up for another kiss. It was so sweet and soft, and the two lovers melted into each other, breathing in an eternal ecstasy that made their bodies quiver as they moaned._

 

_Together they marveled at the bright world and relaxed in the peace of it, embracing one another and just loving each other, talking and laughing together_

 

_Cas smiled deeply as he drifted off suddenly into the pure atmosphere, feeling so light and joyful in his heart. He closed his eyes and spread his arms, feeling the movable air, and the wind- a quiet wind- blew, and Cas chuckled as he felt like he was flying for the first time in ages._

 

_“You’re still with me, Cas? Or are you flying away?” Dean asked with a chuckle…Cas turned suddenly, and saw the young man waiting for his return. Smiling again Cas laughed,_

 

_“I won’t fly away, Dean…not without you at least.” Castiel stepped forward and took Dean’s firm-yet soft- hand, holding it tight and walking with him again through the heavenly dimension. Feeling the tender warmth and watching the glistening stars above, Cas leaned his head against Dean’s shoulder and rested there, breathing even and slow._

 

_Relaxed and free from all harm._

 

_Free from all worry and sorrow._

 

_Dean looked down and smiled, “Hey sweetheart you still here?”_

 

_Cas nodded. He was in bliss and in a trance, and he softened as Dean ran his fingers up his neck and into his dark hair. Cas lifted his head slowly._

 

_“Let's never leave this place, Dean,”  he said, interlacing his fingers with Dean’s._

 

_“Yes Cas, we can stay here always….and forever.” Dean took Castiel’s palms and kissed them sweetly, moving his lips down to the thin wrist with soft tender caresses._

 

_Castiel, blushing and smiling, cupped Dean’s face with his hands and gently said, “Kiss me.”_

_Dean did so…deeply, holding him delicately like a flower._

 

_A paper flower covered in blood…._

_Castiel suddenly screamed and jumped from Dean’s embrace… his skin shredding open from parts of his neck down to his chest. Cuts running deep down to the bone and blood gushing out, falling down his shoulders… his limbs. Castiel’s stomach heaved as he cried out, looking around himself trying to realize what was happening to him, and Dean watching him in horror._

 

_“CAS!” Dean shouted as Castiel backed away, new parts of his skin tearing open…_

 

_“AHH! DEAN-N! DEAN-N.” Castiel fell to his knees in throbbing pain, nothing on his mind but Dean’s name. Dean started to reach out for Cas, running towards him as the ground began to stretch, separating them. But suddenly an invisible force grabbed Dean by the legs and pulled him down, dragging him further away from Cas._

 

_Then darkness came. A body of eerie smoke and a foul smell crept into the heaven and surrounded Castiel’s bleeding body. A set of smoky arms and large vicious hands of two male figures locking around Castiel’s limbs and waist… pulling him away from Dean._

_“DEAN! DEAN!!!”_

_“CAS! CAS! CASTIEL!!!”_

_The two lovers cried for each other as they were snatched away by the separate forces. Dean fighting hard to break free of the power holding him back, Castiel shouting out and twisting as the darkness engulfed his entire body and dragged him into perdition._

_The gates of the Heaven closing in a giant slam…._

 

_Their screaming continuing for an eternity…._

* * *

What was done was done…. and Meg had seen her chance before, to give Cas the sedative just when he was brought into the infirmary by the Officers Joshua and Zachariah…. They laid him out on the operating table, and set the anesthesia to get him to calm down. When that had finally happened, everyone scrambled, searching for the right tools and supplies. Her chance was right then and there as Cas lay unconscious and half alive, but the young woman hesitated….

 

‘Maybe this is it,’ Meg thought. ‘ This has to be it.’ She bit her own lip hard and stomped away, before Nurse Naomi and the others noticed.

 

Quietly entering the room now, the dark haired nurse sat down on the chair adjacent to the patient’s bed, watching him sleep for a moment. Wondering about him and asking herself questions she couldn’t answer or have answered. She shook within herself as she even imagined what Alastair and Azazel had done to make Cas want to hurt himself, though the thought was too dark and harsh for her to contemplate. So Meg shook her head and fought back tears; sinking her body deeper into the chair, looking at the unconscious patient she began,

“I can stick this needle in your arm and you won’t remember a damn thing... I can make it all go away and you wouldn’t even know what happened to you,” she tilted her head to the side and continued. “But I’m not going to do that. Not to you.... Castiel, not to you. Because there is something I want you to do for me.” She leaned forward, propping her thin elbows on her knees and whispering harshly,

 

“Tell them. Tell everyone what those two bastards did to you…what they have been doing to others for years...tell them all."

Meg stopped for a moment and took a good look at Castiel’s bandaged figure. Biting her lip and sucking her teeth, she stood up quickly and slapped the bedframe after she thought about it suddenly…

 

“Why would you even take a shower? Don’t you know what that means? You dumb-fuck!” she hissed. “Why would you do this to yourself…why would you let them win like that?”

 

Someone walked past the inner window, and Meg stopped herself from being so loud…Hiding in the shadowy corner of the room she folded her arms, staring at the sleeping young man, feeling sorry for him. Feeling sorry for herself knowing what was about to come to her…

 

“At least you will be able to remember...that has to count for something, and I’m doing this all for you… so don’t you dare go _away_. Don’t you dare skip out on me…just don’t let your angels have you, Cas, not until it’s over. You hear me? Please somehow…. just hear me.”

 

Meg wiped the single tear out of her eye and stepped forward, touching Castiel’s wrapped up hand slowly with a clear sob. A moment later her eyes grew wide as she felt the patient’s fingers curl around her own…

* * *

Meg walked into her small dark apartment and locked the door, feeling the heaviness in the air as Azazel took a deep sigh. The man was sitting in the old armchair near the window, a black Beretta .92 in his lap with a suppressor installed. Alastair walked up on Meg’s left side, leaning against the wall of the kitchen entrance casually.

 

Meg swallowed deeply and then said, “what the fuck is this?”

 

“Shut the hell up,” Azazel said immediately. The room went quiet with his authority, and Meg shivered, taking a step back. Azazel looked at Meg and noticed her trembling. Sensing something was up he said, “you said you had to do some improvising… You mind breaking down what the fuck that means?”

 

Meg huffed out her irritation and was met with a swift punch to the face from Alastair, that sent her to the wall hitting it hard. Her body slumped down to the floor, and before she could stand up and defend herself, Alastair was on her beating at her savagely, smashing her face against the floor and stomping her back until Azazel said,

 

“That’s enough, Alastair. I want to hear this.”

 

Alastair got up quickly and circled around the young woman.

 

Meg fighting back her groans, spat the blood out of her mouth. “Fuck the both of you. I don’t owe you any explanation after cleaning up your fucking mess.”

 

“Remember what we promised Meg…” Azazel said.

 

“You think I give a fuck about what you do to me? One way or another you’re gonna get what’s coming to you. Real soon, just you wait.”

As soon as Meg finished talking Azazel winced…it was over before it could begin. Azazel picked up his gun quickly and pulled the trigger three times in a row. Meg’s head and torso slapped on the floor with deep a thud, the three bullet wounds between her opened eyes in a triangle.

“’Zazel! What the fuck! She was mine!” Alastair hissed and grumbled.

 

“Save it for later, Al.” Azazel waved away his brother’s complaint with the gun still in his hand, and stood up. “I’m sick of this shit. The bitch was cracking anyway, unable to hold her own. I could see it since earlier when we were in the storage room.”

 

“How could you tell?” Alastair asked, and Azazel answered,

 

“When she got all funny about Angel Boy.”

 

“Aw, alright then…so what do we do now without her?” Alastair asked, as the two of them started for the door.

 

“We lay low for a while, do our own jobs and act like nothing has happened. See if the bitch actually did what the fuck she was supposed to do,” Azazel answered.

 

“And if she didn’t?” Alastair pointed out.

 

Azazel shut and locked the door behind him, thinking to himself for a moment…

 

“Then we kill the Angel Boy.”

* * *

_Three weeks later_

“Can I see him?” Dean asked politely, now sitting in the corner of his room. Dazed and sedated, cold, heavy and lukewarm at the same time, he blinked and felt the strange heaviness as he was just resurfacing from his last dosage. Nurse Rachel was standing before him with the paper flower in her hand.

 

“Please Dean, don’t make us have to strap you down again.” Nurse Rachel’s voice was soft, yet thick and stern. She was upset about her patient, but she kept her head cool and collected. Dean, on the other hand, was wrathful from before and had to be apprehended every moment of the day…but now he was calm, though not in control of himself; just absent from himself and his mind.

 

“I just want to know how he is. Is he okay? Rachel, Please…please tell me,” Dean begged now, through tears...

Not a day went by without Dean cursing and fighting the staff, screaming for Castiel and crying out to see him. His own symptoms and mood swings shifting from depressive to manic within hours since the incident, and remaining the same way for days to come.

In fact the entire institution had been in an uproar. The patients were spiraling out of control and constantly fighting each other, the orderlies, and even the ruthless guards. Everyone was in a frenzy, and Dean Winchester was the most aggressive of them all.

 

“LET ME SEE HIM! LET ME SEE HIM!!” Dean shouted, and flailed as the nurses both male and female dragged him across the floor and into his room, strapping him down to the bed. Dean never went quietly, he would roar out constantly, wanting and aching for the love of his life.

The nightmares returned and they were worse than the ones from before. All Dean could see in his sleep was the open festering wounds and Castiel’s swollen face. Feeling an invisible force hold him back, he was unable to reach Castiel as he fought hard to get to him. They were in a heaven together… a strange world where they loved and laughed together. Everything was good until the darkness came and dragged Castiel away.

“CAS! CASSS!” Dean would take to screaming awake, and would have to be sedated again quickly, before he became violent again…

Now, he sat in his room quietly. None of the other patients that he shared the space with were present, and Dean made a point to try to remain calm for Rachel’s sake, not wanting to hurt her in any way possible. She was one of the good people…so Dean behaved himself.

Though Rachel didn’t answer Dean’s question immediately, she just pursed her pink lips slightly and shook her head at the young man. Her own heart was heavy about her dearest patient, and ultimately she felt like it was her fault, that she should have been there to watch Castiel. Even if it was unfair to herself, Rachel believed that she should have taken the night shift, that way Castiel would have never found his way into the West Hall.

 

‘But what would drive him to want to do such a thing?’ Rachel had asked herself, and her mind was blank, without answers.

 

And there had been much speculation that day; the staff talking about how Dean Winchester ran to Castiel Novak, trying to find out why…And asking why Castiel screamed for Dean…what made Dean so important?

 

Rachel knew it though, it wasn’t hard to put it together, especially after Castiel had once told her about the kiss. Rachel remembered his words, and thought of how deep Castiel’s smile was that day. He was genuinely happy, and that was something Rachel had never actually seen out of him. It made her feel glad for him.

But now, she just looked at the ruined paper flower in her hands. The blood on it was faded and the paper was warped, the glitter was nearly gone, though there was still a semblance of sparkle around the edges. It was a beautiful thing.

 

“I was told that this belongs to you.” Rachel said, looking back up at the young man in the corner.

 

“It’s Castiel’s…. it’s for him,” Dean said, looking at the flower and his heart hurting as he stared at the delicate crumbling thing. It was awful, and it somehow looked like Castiel’s wounds; they were seared into his memory, and Dean just couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was mind numbing and heart wrenching…Cas’ naked body covered in gashes and blood. Dean covered his face and shook his head frantically.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Please Rachel, Please! What have they done with him? I just…. I just have to know.”

There was a moment of tension between the two of them, before Rachel finally answered,

“he is in his heaven… he doesn’t feel an ounce of pain.”

 

Dean smiled a little and asked, “when will he be back?”

 

Rachel shook her head, and with that Dean knew it was all the information he was going to receive. He nodded and stood to go sit back down on his bed, fighting the urge to scream and attack the nurse. And Dean fought it hard, but in his defense Dean was just tired of being told no. It infuriated him, and he thought, ‘if they’d only say yes, then I would finally calm the fuck down.’ He looked over at Nurse Rachel though, and reminded himself who she was and how he should behave around her.

“Would you like this back, Dean?” Rachel asked now, holding up the flower. The young man shook his head and quickly asked before the woman turned on her heel to leave.

 

“Could you give it to Castiel for me? Please…Please Rachel.”

 

Dean’s heart leapt for joy a little for the first time in days, when Rachel nodded,

 

“Yes.”

* * *

 

Castiel lay in the bed, bandaged up with a body full of stitches and sutures. Though unlike what people had been told or led to believe, Castiel Novak was not in his Heaven. He was not absent in his mind and with his angels in a far off world; at least not anymore…Cas had been wide-awake for days, and felt every ounce of pain that was possible to feel. Groaning and aching, Castiel never complained about it verbally.

 

He knew what he did was self-inflicted, so he never cried about that. But…he couldn’t stop thinking about his nightmares…how a darkness tore at him and dragged him away from Dean, who was reaching out to him, screaming for him with great tears in his green eyes.

 

Castiel missed Dean dearly, and being away from him was what brought Cas the most pain, as he laid awake in the infirmary at nights.

And there was the other thing...the thing that Castiel couldn’t stand to think about. The thing that made his heart ache and body cringe…But he was thankful; thankful to know that Nurse Rachel was now there for him, and above all that she was very good at keeping secrets as well as promises.

“Castiel,” the beautiful woman said softly as she stepped into the room. “I have something for you.”

 

“Hello Rachel.” Castiel looked up and forced a smile when he saw her, feeling a little better now that she was present. Then he saw the paper flower and lifted his brows. Rachel forced a small smile as well, and slowly handed the flower to Cas and he took it carefully. His slender fingers wrapping around the paper stem and cradling the warped petals.

 

“Thank you Rachel,” he said lowly, confusion on his face though as to why the little object was so damaged. “What happened to it?” He asked.

 

“Well… It was found on the floor after your accident Cas,” Rachel said, then she added, “It’s from Dean.”

 

Castiel’s face fell immediately. “Oh God, you didn’t-“

 

“No, no, no Castiel, don’t worry. I didn’t tell him that you were awake.” Rachel had kept her promise, and Castiel nodded gratefully.

 

“He’s very worried about you though,” Rachel said. “You can’t keep this up forever. Soon you’ll have to be released from here.”

 

“I know…I know that he is worried,” Castiel sobbed. Hìs tears weren’t new…they were familiar, but the sob was true. “I told him some things before…I just don’t want him to know.”

 

“Well, you haven’t told me Castiel…. why don’t we start there?”

 

“Please keep your promise to me. Don’t say anything, to anyone.”

 

“Castiel, you know if it has something to do with how you’ve hurt yourself, or if you plan to hurt yourself again, then I will have to tell the doctors about it.”

“It’s not about what I did…” Castiel wept, wiping his face, exposing a bandaged hand.  He was about to tell the trusted nurse what happened, but he stopped himself immediately. Looking at the beautiful woman’s concerned features, Castiel shook his head and cried some more. He could remember everything, he could remember it all. The two men… that evening and what they did…and even the nurse named Meg, who had come to him, and everything she had said.

 

But Cas didn’t have the courage inside himself to speak about it, it was too much…they did so much.

 

‘I wasn’t strong enough,’ Castiel thought to himself.

 

He looked to Nurse Rachel, searching for solace for a moment, and closed his eyes as she reached to him and touched his shaking shoulder.

 

“Can I tell you a story, Rachel?”  he said.

 

“Yes, Castiel. You can tell me anything.” Nurse Rachel readjusted her seat, and came closer to her patient Castiel, holding the paper flower closer to himself, crying softly with trembling lips.

 

“Take your time Castiel…” Rachel responded to his weeping. Cas nodded, and after a moment he finally took a deep breath. Then he began,

“Once upon a time there was a magical place; a heaven full of gold, amber, wonder, and brightness. It was a place of beauty and clarity with no darkness. No nights, only light. And the angels that lived there existed in peace and harmony, enjoying the warmth of their sun and the glow of all the other stars in the galaxy. It was a paradise.

 

“But one day, demons broke into the once secure and secret heaven and kidnapped an angel…. ripping him away from his home and taking him down into the darkness below. There, at the very bottom of the pit, the two demons hurt the young angel…making him do things he didn’t want to do. And the poor angel cried out and screamed for help, but they were in hell, you see?

 

“Hell is too far away from Heaven… so none of the other angels could hear his cries… there was no one for him and he wasn’t saved...And when the demons were done they laughed…and left him lying alone in the darkness.”

 

Castiel shook and wiped the tears away from his face, clutching the damaged paper flower to his chest. He wanted Dean, he wanted for him badly. But….Castiel just couldn’t, he was just too scared. Flinching hard, the dark-haired young man rolled over onto his side.

 

“Castiel?” Rachel began out of concern, but Cas shook his head.

 

“I can’t let Dean see me this way…not now…not like this. Not like this. Never like this…”

* * *

 

Rachel waited for Castiel to cry himself to sleep before leaving him. As soon as her dear patient drifted off, she stood immediately and rushed down the northern hallway, over to the guard’s station, looking for help. Officer Joshua, who was a new guard and a good man, had just clocked in for his shift as Rachel approached him.

“Joshua, can I speak with you for a moment?”

 

“Hey, Rachel.” The man turned and was surprised to see the beautiful nurse, but his expression changed as he saw the serious look on her face. “What is it?” he asked.

 

“Just come with me please,” Rachel said, and quickly began to walk. Joshua- after hesitating for a moment-- followed her further down the North Hall, where it seemed no one else was located. When the two were near a secluded corner, Rachel whispered hastily,

“can you do something for me, Joshua? Please?”

 

“Yes Rachel, anything…what is it that you need?”

 

“Could you watch over Castiel Novak please? Especially during the night.”

 

“Okay, I can do that, Rachel. But what is up? Do you think he’s going to hurt himself again or something?”

“No Joshua, but…I think….I think someone _hurt_ him,” Rachel said, shaking, holding back her tears.

 

Joshua’s brows pulled together and he said, “are you telling me someone tried to kill Castiel Novak?”

 

Rachel shook her head immediately. “No, no. He did indeed hurt himself, there is evidence that the wounds he has are self-inflicted. But what I’m trying to say is that it wasn’t for nothing.”

 

“Then what?” Joshua was becoming concerned now, and he leaned in close as Rachel whispered,

 

“Castiel just told me…..I mean he didn’t….he didn’t tell me directly outright, but I think…I think someone raped him.”

 

There was a silence between the nurse and the officer, but Joshua’s eyes were wincing and his mouth twitching. Disbelief and disgust grappled at his insides, but immediately the officer readjusted his expression and narrowed his brow, remembering his training and becoming serious.

 

“How can you be sure?” he asked, and he listened to Nurse Rachel as she began to retell the story that Castiel had told her, no longer unable to hold back her tears and sobs. And on the other side of the North hall…behind a dark corner, Officer Azazel stood, listening to every word.


	7. Don’t Worry About Me.

In the dark corner, Azazel bit his lower lip slightly, and listened to the story Rachel told Officer Joshua.   
  
It was a story of a Heaven, a Hell, and an angel kidnapped and tormented by demons. It was all enough to make Officer Azazel clutch his hands into fists slowly, and his breathing to become thick. Calm, controlled...militant, even violent thoughts crossed Azazel’s mind as he overheard the nurse’s weeping and sobbing. A sequence played out, as he contemplated killing Joshua and Rachel right then and there.   
  
His hand going for the Beretta on his hip...Azazel stopped himself, as he noticed he didn’t have his silencer on him.   
  
‘I could shoot them...but it will be too fucking loud,’ he thought. Fury boiled down in the inside of his gut and caused the smallest amount of sweat to bead across his face, Azazel sucked his teeth tightly and turned, peeking around the corner, watching and listening, as Officer Joshua began to finally speak.     
  
“Calm down, Rachel.” Joshua comforted the heartbroken woman, placing a hand on her shoulder and squeezing it gently. From the gesture, Rachel was able to catch a hold of herself and swallow back her sobs, though her arms were still shaking and her heart was completely heavy.   
  
She shook her head as Joshua searched her eyes. “I should have been there for him.”   
  
“No. No, listen to me, Rachel, this is not your fault,” Joshua said. “It’s on whoever hurt Castiel, and now it’s up to us to protect him. Okay?”   
  
Rachel nodded and covered her mouth, holding back another sob as Joshua continued on to comfort her, and ask her,   
  
“Can you take me to see him?”   
  
Rachel looked up at Joshua and nodded again feverishly, and almost immediately she turned and began to walk fast down the hall. Joshua didn’t hesitate in following Rachel toward Castiel’s room.   
  
Watching them walk away, Azazel slowly stepped out into the lighted part of the North Hall. His hand on his gun, his thoughts moving toward all the possibilities, though none of them had a solid result. Clenching his jaw and gathering his thoughts, Azazel turned, stepping back into the dark of the hall, heading toward the old back stairway. There, he grabbed for his phone and called his brother.   
  
“What?” Alastair had answered.   
  
Azazel grumbled,   
  
“Angel Boy is talking.”   


* * *

  
  
“I think we should do something nice for Dean and Castiel,” Benny said as he stood in the breakfast line along with Garth and Ash. It had been over a month since the incident with Castiel in the main hall, and all the patients in the hospital seemed to be calming down finally from the frenzy.   
  
Dean was still isolated in his room for fighting the nurses and guards daily, his nightmares of Castiel being ripped away from him and thrown into darkness haunted him. Dean felt weak and powerless, and every day passed by, with him becoming more unstable.   
  
Benny knew it well enough even though he hadn’t been talking to him; he could tell that Dean wasn’t eating willingly. He saw the male nurses forcing an IV into his arms, and later forcing food down his throat. Unafraid and angered, Benny went to defend Dean instantly, but was stopped by Ash.   
  
“Just let them…. just let them.” Ash warned, holding Benny back. “It’s for his own good.”   
  
Benny realized Ash was right, as always, and that it was better for Dean. Still he worried for his friend. Nights continued with Dean’s screaming…his nightmares growing darker, and he was constantly crying out for Cas in his sleep. Benny would lay awake listening to him, hurting for him.   
  
Now, he just desperately wanted to do something to fix it...somehow…someway. So as he stood in the cafeteria line with Garth and Ash, Benny finally spoke about it.   
  
“We have to do something for them…Garth? Ash?” Benny looked at them. The two men shrugged and remained silent for the moment. Caught in their own world of troubles, both Garth and Ash were at a loss for words, until…     
  
“But something like what, Benny? It’s not like they let us do much in here, anyway.” Garth had finally decided to ask, when the three of them took a seat at their usual table. The cafeteria was rather quiet today, patients talking lowly and eating slow. There was a heavy misery in the air, and there was no strength in anyone to fight it away.      
  
Settling into his chair, Benny felt the misery. He looked around and saw everyone was lethargic and hooked on their meds. He sighed, and it took a moment to think past his cloud of grief. As he thought to himself, trying to come up with an idea, his eyes roamed to the other side of the cafeteria.   
  
There on the far side he saw him; Kevin Tran sitting alone. As usual, the youth’s head was low, and his eyes were puffy and red, and he was trying to eat his food with trembling hands. Benny blinked and felt his hopelessness grow stronger. Though fighting against it, Benny sighed and thought about how Garth did have a point.   
  
As patients, they were only allowed to do so much; the walks in the courtyard, group activities in the rec room and the lousy therapy. Benny ran a hand through his hair and groaned. He was defeated for a split second until Ash said calmly,

 

“Maybe we could get Dean to come out and do a game day in the activity room? Puzzles, cards and crafts. Dean has a thing for making paper flowers, right? We can make a bunch of those. Then we can also watch whatever movies or shows are on the TV and just keep Dean company until Castiel is finally released. And when Castiel gets back we can just do the same thing for him…right?”   
  
Garth quickly nodded in agreement and said,   
“Yeah, yeah. Castiel should be released soon anyway. It’s been more than the typical three-week limit to be in the infirmary anyway.”   
  
“But he did hurt himself pretty bad…so they might end up keeping him for another month.” Ash scratched his head, worrying for a bit.   
  
Benny blinked and then nodded, remembering all the shards of glass in Cas’ body, and how Dean was screaming and trying to hold him up.   
  
Benny rubbed his chin and remembered. Garth and Ash had gone quiet waiting for him to reply, but Benny’s encouragement was nearly shot down. Just thinking about all of what Dean and Cas were going through made his stomach curl, and ache with pain. And then he looked back at Kevin Tran, knowing that he too had been going through something he wouldn’t share with them.   
  
“Yeah…good thinking as always, Ash.” Benny finally said, and nodded again. Ash noticed Benny’s eyes and turned, Garth did so as well. They all looked over, noticing young Kevin sitting alone.   
  
Kevin turned his plastic spoon over in the greyish oatmeal bowl, not feeling the tear come out of his eye. His body was shaken up, and he couldn’t seem to get a solid grip on himself ever. He spent days crying desperately, missing his mom wholeheartedly and just wishing it could all be over.   
  
Maybe it could finally be over…when the group he knew walked up to him.   
  
Benny sat down first, in front of Kevin. Ash to Kevin’s left and Garth to Kevin’s right.   
  
“Hey, Kev…you alright today?” Benny began.   
  
Kevin kept his head low and didn’t answer. Benny looked at him feeling pity for him, and it took him a moment to say,   
  
“The guys and I are planning a game day in the activity room. Just everyone chilling out and cheering up Dean until Castiel is released from the infirmary.”   
  
Kevin continued to hold his head down low, not finding the will to speak.   
  
“Why not come with us? We’re going to get Dean right now,” Benny suggested with concern. “You can come with us if you want.”   
  
That’s when Kevin finally looked up, his reddened eyes full of despair. He knew what his friends were trying to do, but there was nothing they could do for Kevin to help him. At least that was what Kevin believed.   
  
“No, thanks guys.” Kevin finally spoke with an extremely hoarse voice and a sore throat.   
  
Benny sat back, surprised to hear the younger man’s voice and the others were taken aback as well. Kevin had looked up a little when he spoke, and lifting his head from his slouched position revealed the deep purple bruises all over his neck and collarbone.   
  
“Whoa!” Garth and Ash let out. Benny’s eyes were wide.   
  
“Kevin…who did that?” Benny asked in a hurried whisper, but almost instantly Kevin got up out of his seat. Walking away from the group, almost running, tears fell down his face as he remembered the two guards who assaulted him.   
  
Garth and Ash looked to Benny as he stood up slowly…with hurt and confusion in his tone Benny said,   


“Let’s go get Dean.”   

* * *

Castiel held the paper flower desperately close to his chest, feeling his heavy heartbeat and laying motionless in silence. Breathing slow, sweating in anxiety, aching in pain and just thinking of Dean.   

  
Sudden hot tears left his eyes as the memories faded in and out of his mind. It was Dean’s green eyes, his light freckles, full lips and curved limbs. Castiel sniffled and thought of it all, the first day he met Dean...their kiss in the dark hallway that night...their love making in the courtyard. Everything Dean said to Cas, how he wanted to protect Cas from everything.   
  
Castiel sobbed and gasped, remembering Dean’s words.   
  
_“I want you in my arms…I want to protect you from this place. I don’t ever want to see you hurt… And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for avoiding you.”_ _  
_ _  
_ Curling into a tighter ball, Castiel realized in all his efforts to stay away from Dean, that he had been hurting him for avoiding him.   
  
‘Oh my God, He has to be so worried. But I don't know what to do….I just don't. I just can’t let Dean see me like this, not after what those men did to me.’  Castiel moaned in pain and touched his sutures, feeling the throb and itch in his skin.   
  
  
‘I can’t believe I lost control like that. But still….I had to, because of how that man, that guard….bit me.’ Castiel ran a finger over the stitched cuts on his neck and chest, closing his eyes and remembering more of what happened.   
  
The darkness of the room….the squeaking of the bed, Azazel’s harsh groaning and the rip-roaring agony of being violently raped. Castiel nearly cried out in all his anguish, but he covered his mouth and held back.   
  
Then the room door opened.     
  
“Castiel?” Rachel came in carefully and noticed that Cas was awake. Cautiously, Rachel led Joshua into the room, and stood between the hospital bed and where the young officer stood.   
  
Castiel had just looked over his shoulder when the two of them came in. His brows furrowed in confusion, which made Rachel force a small nervous smile as she looked over at her patient.   
  
Rachel knew that Castiel would be upset about his secret getting out; the one that Rachel promised to keep. So she started to speak immediately.   


"Castiel...this is Officer Joshua---"  


"I know who you are." Castiel said directly to Joshua. His voice was strangely calm, which surprised Rachel. Castiel continued,   
  
"You’re the one who carried me in here during that day of my incident....aren't you officer Joshua?"   
  
"Yes....how are you though...Mr. Novak?" Joshua stepped forward, coming closer to Castiel.   


"Rachel, does he know?" Cas asked. His voice had a small tremble as his lips quivered, and his composure slowly turned from calm to scared.   
  
Unable to speak herself, Rachel nodded to him, and then she turned to Joshua while saying,   
  
"He knows everything that I've told him....the rest is up to you Castiel."   
  
"So you didn't keep your promise to me?" Cas mumbled sorrowfully.   


Rachel stood speechless and hurt until Joshua finally spoke,   


"Castiel, we mean you no harm. I'm here to help you and keep you safe."  
  
Castiel frowned and shook his head. "How are you going to do that?"   
  
"First things first, I will look after you and make sure no one comes for you anymore." Joshua explained, and then suddenly came closer to the bed and knelt next to Cas. "And second, Rachel and I need you to tell us who hurt you, so we can put them behind bars."   
  
Castiel frowned harder, tears seeping through his eyes with no control.   
  
Rachel walked around to the other side of the bed and sat beside her dear patient. ''Cas, please...tell us."   
  
Castiel sobbed and started to breathe heavily...nearly hyperventilating, but he calmed himself with his own sheer will. He was aware that Rachel and Joshua yearned to help him, and deep down he was thankful. Scared, but...thankful.   


Before speaking, he took a deep breath and allowed Rachel to gently pat his back, feeling his heartbeat become still and the tears in his eyes drop.   
  
"It happened in the West hall. They were officers...like you."   
  
Joshua's face dropped and his eyes widened, as Castiel said the names,   
  
"Azazel and Alastair."   
  


* * *

Dean sat at the edge of his bed, eyes blinking slowly. He was tired and groggy from the sedations, his arms and wrists bruised from being strapped down almost daily. His lips and eyes busted and bruised from fighting the nurses and guards.

  
Nightmares haunted him day in and day out. Thoughts of Castiel covered in ripped opened scars and wounds, blood covering him from head to toe, his body shaking and chest convulsing as he screamed.   
  
“Dean! Dean! HELP ME!!!”   
  
Dean would snap awake just as he’d try to reach Castiel. As soon as he tried to run towards Cas he would fall down and be thrown back into reality, his eyes opening heavily, sticky from tears, and crusty. Heart aching and hands numb, Dean needed to see Castiel…but Cas’ wounds had been so deep. Dean gave up the urge to fight the nurses now, he understood that Cas needed to be treated and that it may take some time.   


‘As long as he has the flower.’ Dean thought. ‘As long as Rachel actually gave it to him, then he knows. He has to know somehow that I am always there for him.’  
  
Sitting alone now, Dean realized his face was dry and his mouth was sour from not brushing his teeth. His body was aching and his brain was numb. He didn’t have an appetite, he hadn’t even showered properly for days.   
  
Dean had once thought he was so different from the other patients in the hospital, that his mental illness was only temporary and that he was more normal than others. But he was wrong...he was no different from anyone. He was like them all, if not just the same.   
  
Castiel was the one who was truly unique, he could see other worlds and be free in his own way. And Dean didn’t expect to fall in love; he didn’t expect Castiel to be his light in all this darkness.   
  
The man with the angels who he wanted to protect, someone he wanted to fight for. Live for… survive for, but Dean was weak now. He had no hope to even fight for himself….he held his head down low, feeling hopeless.   
  
‘As long as he has his flower,’ Dean reminded himself once again. ‘He knows...he knows that I love him.’     


The silence of the room crowded around Dean and he fell deep into it, feeling his own anxiety grow and his heartache like a throbbing sore. Dean lingered in the roaring silence until he heard someone say,   
  
“Hey, Dean.”   
  
It was Benny standing in the doorway, along with Garth and Ash. Dean looked up at them and the men were saddened by Dean’s appearance. Knowing that Dean hadn’t been well, Benny and the others frowned deeply, until Dean forced a small smile and said,   
  
“Hey guys.”  
  
Benny smiled halfway back to Dean and looked to Ash, who began to ask,   
  
“Dean, do you want to come to the rec room with us?”   
  
Dean blinked and slowly stood up. He nearly fell in his attempt to stand, and his friends rushed over quickly to him to give him aid, but Dean waved them away.   
  
“I’m fine guys.”   
  
Benny forced a laugh. "Sure you are, tough guy. Let's get you cleaned up before anything else...you smell like shit."  
  
Dean smirked weakly, and allowed his friends to lead him out of the lonely room.   
  
In the recreational area the group sat together, Benny, Garth, and Ash doing everything they could to cheer Dean up and keep him busy. They watched re-runs of sitcoms and talk shows, while playing cards, puzzles, and even coloring in water damaged coloring books.   
  
Dean kept silent throughout the activities, and watched the TV. Benny noticed his silence and wanted to break it with a joke or two...but nothing seemed really funny at the moment.   
  
During another game of cards, Benny looked up and noticed young Kevin Tran walking into the rec room. Waving at him and noticing his bruises, Benny frowned and realized that maybe all this was a bad idea.   


He looked to Ash and Garth, who realized it too. It was all hopeless, but still....it was better than doing nothing.  
  
The room remained quiet for a moment except for the sound of the TV, until Dean suddenly began to speak,   


“He said he couldn’t fight them….”  
  
“What?” Benny frowned and narrowed his brow. Dean looked to him,   
  
“Cas.... he said he couldn’t fight them. That they did so much.”   
  
“When did he say this?” Benny asked.   
  
“After he came out the West hall, that day.” Dean answered.   
  
There was a sudden silence. Dean looked to Benny then to Garth and Ash, the confused looks on their faces making him slightly  irate.   
“I don’t think he was talking about his angels, someone actually hurt him,” Dean said.   
  
“But no one goes in the West hall Dean…and…”   
  
“And what, Benny?”   
  
“And you know that’s where most of us go to die anyway." Benny said slowly...in a low voice.   
  
“But it’s not like he wanted to die like that...He’s schizophrenic, but….he isn't suicidal....” Dean said in Castiel's defense. But then he held his head down low, thinking only for a moment that maybe Benny had a point about the West hall.   
  
“Benny, if it wasn't anything someone else did, then what did I do? What did I do to make him want to do that to himself.”   
  
"Come on Dean, don’t," Benny started, and folded his brawny arms. “Don’t blame yourself Dean…you haven’t done anything wrong...”   
  
"Then it had to be someone else, because he would never do that to himself without a reason....he's different, he's strong."   
Dean suddenly went quiet and pressed his lips together. He was upset now, but he didn’t want to speak anymore, for fear that he would start screaming uncontrollably.   
  
Silence passed and the moments went by slow, the group sitting in hopelessness, sorrow, and confusion.   


Fake laughter went on from the sitcom on TV.    
Garth and Ash soon decided to walk out of the rec room to go to the courtyard, leaving Benny and Dean and even Kevin, who sat on the couch quietly by the TV set, in the room alone.   
  
Benny did what he could for Dean and stayed with him, watching Dean fight his own tears. Everything was still quiet, lost and heavy with regret, fear and sadness.   


Until a pair of light footsteps walked into the activity room.  
  
Benny and Dean looked up at the same time, to see Castiel walking in with the new guard Joshua.   
  
"You can just sit in here for a while. I'll be right back." Joshua had been saying as he and Castiel were walking in.   
  
Castiel nodded to Joshua, and held firmly on to the paper flower. Clutching it to his chest, he turned to see Dean sitting at the table.   
  
The world seemed to be lost when the two saw each other. Their eyes locked together, and there was a peculiar solidity in the air.   
  
It was as if they were struck by lightning as they remained still, looking at one another.     
Then abruptly Dean got up without thinking and rushed over to Cas, longing to embrace and kiss him-- despite it being against the rules; despite what the guard might do. But as Dean hastily rushed to him.... Castiel backed away just as quickly.   
  
“Cas?” Dean frowned, noticing Castiel’s action.   
  
The dark haired young man lowered his head and moved away further. Joshua noticed this and said to Cas,   


“Castiel, we don’t have to be in here if you don't want to.”    
  
Castiel heard Joshua’s words and nodded. He turned away from Dean.....and started to quickly walk away.   
  
“Castiel, wait!” Dean called out for Cas, but Joshua immediately stopped him.   
  
"Hold on there, Winchester. He doesn't concern you."   
  
"What the hell do you mean? Move!" Dean attempted to push past Joshua, but the guard successfully kept Dean at bay. Dean watched as Castiel rushed out of the activity room and screamed for him.   


"CAS, COME BACK!"   
  
Benny came forth just as Dean started to turn red with rage, holding his friend back before Dean could really start fighting Joshua. But Dean lost his composure anyway.   
  
"WHY WON'T YOU ASSHOLES LET ME SEE HIM!!! DAMMIT!! CASTIEL, WAIT! COME BACK!!!” Dean screamed, and fought against Benny and Officer Joshua, his anxiety and rage growing more intense by the second.   
  
The nurses began to run into the activity room to see Dean falling apart once more. Joshua holding him down and the Head Nurse, Naomi, coming into the room in order to routinely sedate Dean.   
  
Listening to Dean's screams die down, Castiel walked as fast as he could to his old room, where he allowed himself to collapse on the floor in tears. 

* * *

  
Days and nights passed in a silence of unloved insecurity, pain and confusion, flooding the hearts of everyone who held concern for Dean and Castiel.   
  
Though, late one lonely evening, Castiel wandered the halls and heard crying.   
  
Kevin Tran had been walking close toward the West hall, thinking of ending his life, but he lacked the courage to actually do it.   
  
He didn't know how to do it, whether to slash his wrist, hang himself, or jump out of a window...Kevin had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't even thought about his mom, but when he finally did he started to cry.   
  
Castiel turned the corner, following the sound, and soon finding the young man. And there was nothing Cas could do to comfort him, because they were both weakened by their rapist. Still Castiel knelt beside Kevin Tran, sitting with him until Kevin asked,   
  
"When did it happen to you?......when did they get you?"   
  
It took Cas a long minute before he decided to speak. "We shouldn't be over here. It's no good for us."   


"Yeah...I see that." Kevin said, pointing at the scars on Castiel's neck and shoulders.  
Castiel frowned and lowered his head, as Kevin looked away from him.   


He waited a moment before saying to Cas,   
“You should talk to Dean.... It seems he really cares about you.”   
  
Castiel's eyes widened, and he exhaled a nervous breath at the mention of Dean's name.   
“I’m too scared of what he might say,” Cas admitted. His tone was shaky and loose, as if he had no will to speak on it, which he didn't. Kevin studied Cas' face and continued,   
  
“He blames himself you know. Dean thinks he did something to make you hurt yourself. Which he didn't. I know it more than anyone else, and I don't even know you....So you should just go to him.”   
  
Silence fell over Castiel and he frowned, realizing the mistake he made by avoiding Dean, for being scared of him. He had already acknowledged it during his last day in the infirmary. But still physically seeing Dean terrified Cas....how could he see the man he loved when he had been so damaged?....broken? Castiel took a deep breath and sighed.....making the heavy decision in his heart.   
  
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked pointlessly, but Kevin nodded anyway. Cas could see the look in Kevin’s eyes. Seeing how hurt and damaged he was, Cas felt compassion for the younger man, so he said,   
  
“Go to the Nurses station. It’s a more decent place to sit.”     
  
“Don’t worry about me, Castiel. Just go see Dean, he needs you more than I do,” Kevin said, and even reached out to lightly push Castiel on his shoulder. “Just go.”   
  
  
Realizing that Kevin wanted nothing more than to be alone, Castiel nodded quietly. Standing up, he reluctantly began to walk away, feeling rather helpless and heavy. Not knowing what else to do than to just do what Kevin said.   
  
His heart raced and sweat beaded on his forehead, his palms were clammy and his feet felt as if he was walking on air. Everything was unreal as he moved toward Dean’s assigned room.   
  
Dean had woken up harshly, jumping awake from another nightmare, and feeling out of his own body as he desperately tried to ground himself back to reality. He sat in his bed breathing heavily, and waiting for the rest of his mind to catch up with his body. When he finally caught a hold of himself, Dean got out of his bed.     
  
Though as soon as Dean stepped out into the hallway, there Cas was walking toward his door.   
  
The two young men looked at each other....a soft animosity with a harsh sliver of yearning in the air between them.   


Castiel shuddered in Dean's sudden glare, watching him as he licked his dried lips and sighed very subtly.   
  
Then without saying anything, Dean closed his door and began to walk, heading toward the empty South hall.   


Castiel followed.


	8. You Don’t Have To Be Alone.

The two young men walked throughout the dark hall, passing rooms full of snoring and muttering patients. Every once in a while someone would scream; their howls erupting from the dark spaces and ripping the air. But Dean and Cas were used to the screeches, and continued to move further down the hall, walking until Dean stopped near a beaten down door.    
  
Dean looked at Cas for a moment before turning to slowly open the room's door. Entering swiftly, Dean held the door open for Cas. Waiting for him as he stepped in slowly, Dean closed the door as Cas looked around the old room and saw a large hole in the wall on the far side.    
  
Without a word, Dean walked past Castiel, and pressed through the space halfway before turning to beckon to Cas.    
  


"Come on." The words were soft and demanding all at once, and Cas moved forward to ease into the dark secret passageway with Dean.    
  
Five long minutes passed as they moved through the dark spaces between the hospital’s walls, until they reached another large gaping hole. This time Dean pressed through the opening with little effort, and without looking back at Castiel. 

 

Anxious, Castiel swallowed back his nervousness while watching Dean disappear for a split second. Even though his anxiety built up inside of him, Cas took one last step. Pressing out of the dark passageway, he blinked when he entered the massive laundry room.

  
“Benny showed me how to get here a month or so ago,” Dean said blandly, making his way to the center of the room. “He said since the janitors and nurses made sure to lock up at night, this was a good space for us to meet up whenever we wanted, because no one ever comes here. And to speak the truth, with the way this place is run, no one would really care that we’re gone.”   
  
Castiel remained silent, looking to the floor and back at Dean, trying to ignore the discomfort in his heart. Dean read Cas’ body language and stepped closer.   
  


But once again, just like before, Castiel stepped back as Dean came close. Dean frowned.....upset and saddened. He wanted to take away Cas' discomfort, but did not want to do anything to hurt Castiel. Looking at Castiel’s stitches and deep scars, Dean couldn't help but ask,    
  


“Does it still hurt?”    
  
Castiel looked up from the floor and mindlessly touched the deep wounds on his neck and shoulders. “Yes, but Rachel gives me painkillers and ointment for when it itches,” Castiel sighed, his limbs beginning to shake.   
  
Dean saw the shiver and fought the urge to just take Castiel into his arms....to comfort him somehow.    
  


'Not until he wants me to,' Dean thought to himself. Then asked, “Castiel…who did that to you?”   
  
Castiel shook his head and suddenly began to cry, holding his arms close to himself as if he was shielding himself from everything.  From the room... from the air.... from Dean....he didn’t want Dean to see him still.....he didn't want Dean to know…Castiel was still so ashamed.    
  


A quiet moment passed of pain, grief and misery between the two of them, until Dean couldn't take it anymore. Without a second thought Dean stepped close now, and took hold of Castiel’s thin arms. Cas jumped in Dean’s grasp and let out a frightened cry.

 

“Dean?” Castiel shook. 

 

“Shhh, Castiel, shhh,” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear, holding the dark haired young man in his arms firmly yet delicately, all at once.    
  


Oh, how Dean missed the feel of Castiel in his arms, and he admitted to himself how much he had been yearning for Castiel since their moment in the courtyard. Dean had wanted Castiel so badly since then, and now he wanted his lover so much that it brought tears to his eyes. 

  
Dean didn’t care about the scars on Cas' body, or his own fear and anger, he just wanted Cas back with him….he just wanted Cas to be safe and whole.   
  


Running his hands down Castiel's arms, Dean rested his fingertips on Castiel’s elbows and asked lowly, “why did you leave me in the rec room that day?” 

 

Castiel shook his head and didn’t answer. Dean sighed and continued to confess, 

 

“I’ve been worried about you. Rachel and the others wouldn’t let me see you while you were gone. I even dreamed about you when I was finally able to sleep. We were in a heaven and I was waiting for you. And I was so happy to see you when you finally arrived, but then horrible things happened, Cas. You were taken away from me and I wasn’t able to save you…. The dream became such a nightmare. And I don’t ever want to dream it again…. Please Cas, please, help me…. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I’ll try to understand. But please just-t don’t avoid me anymore, because I don’t think I can take another day without you.”   
  
Listening to Dean, Castiel sobbed and nodded, then he looked up at Dean. Placing his hands on Dean's chest and gripping his shirt, Cas kissed Dean very slowly.   
  
There wasn't magic in the kiss; not a romantic spark that ignited their hearts like what happened in the courtyard. But the kiss was soft and more familiar now, mature from time and timid from pain. 

 

Castiel furrowed his brow and kissed Dean carefully, trying to get the feel of his own body back. But it wasn't there; the rape had taken something away from him, something that he couldn't seem to get back.

 

Dean parted his lips and placed his tongue against Cas’, but then Castiel pulled away and shook his head desperately.    
  
“I’m sorry...I’m sorry Dean.”   
  
“It’s okay, don't be sorry.” Dean hugged Cas and touched his hair. “You don’t have to. We don’t have to…”    
  


“Dean-n,” Castiel said. “I deserved it.”   
  
“Don’t say that. Don’t say that, ever,” Dean said firmly. Pressing his forehead to Castiel’s and shaking his head. Looking Cas directly in the eye he said firmly, “Don’t—“   
  
“Yes-s I do, I deserve everything that’s happened to me. Because I was so weak.... I let it happen..... I hurt myself Dean…I stabbed and cut my body because I was weak!” Castiel sobbed. “I let it happen, Dean. I could have fought back. I could have fought him back harder. But I couldn’t, Dean….oh my God Dean, I let him make me moan as if I liked it.”   
  
“What?” Dean looked at Castiel, confused and eyes wide. “What did you just say?—“   
  
“I was raped,” Castiel gasped out, feeling all the misery pour out of him like a flood. “My heaven had me and I didn’t know what he was doing to me until he was on top of me. And I wasn’t strong enough to fight him, he had me bent down to the bed and I couldn’t move because I was too weak…because I was too scared.” Castiel lowered his head and wailed, not noticing Dean backing away from him in shock.   
  


“I couldn’t see or move…and he was on top of me. And I screamed…I screamed for you. But I knew that you couldn’t save me. But I screamed your name anyway. I shouted stop so many times, but he kept raping me. He kept doing things to me. He kissed at me and bit my skin. That’s why I cut my neck and shoulders…so I could get rid of the marks he left on my body…. But Dean, I hate myself now because of how he made me moan during it…He made me moan…. Then I came. He made me come as if I wanted it.”

 

Castiel covered his face with his hands and sobbed.   
  
Trying to keep his composure, Dean shook his head and stepped away from Cas. But anger radiated through his nerves instantly, and in a second Dean stomped away from Cas. 

 

His eyes viciously wide and teeth grinding together….Dean's hands balled to fists. His heart began to race, and it was as if Castiel didn't have to say anything else, Dean knew it immediately. 

 

He remembered Alastair and his brother Azazel, and what the Officers tried to do to him that day in the storage unit.  _ Alastair forcing him onto his knees and undoing his own belt, Azazel coming and stopping it only to warn Alastair about the janitors coming. _ Dean remembered how he cried when the storage unit door closed.

 

Yes, Castiel didn't have to say another word about it, and Dean felt the brutal question burn the insides of his throat as he asked it, 

“Castiel….who was it? Who raped you?”

 

Castiel mumbled the answer, “The guards….Azazel and Alastair.”

 

As soon as Dean heard the names he started to shout, bellow and scream, stomping through the room, while hitting the washing machines and punching the walls until his hands were bleeding.   
  
He continued to hit objects, knocking over the bundles of towels and sheets just screaming and cursing. Dean was blinded with a fury that he never had before, a wrath that made his skin red and eyes boil in hot tears. And he continued to shout and wail, not caring if the entire hospital could hear.    
  
Castiel cried, watching in horror as Dean roared, his own heart racing in fear, and he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t stand to see Dean hurt himself, despite the fact that Dean saw him do just the same. So he ran over to Dean, shouting for him,   
  
“Dean, Dean! Please! Stop it! Stop it!” 

 

Castiel threw his arms over the young man and held his arms down until they were both sinking to the floor. Dean sobbed and flailed against Cas.   
  
“I should have been there for you!” Dean collapsed in tears. Looking over his shoulder to Cas, reaching for him with his bruised and bloodied hand, his knuckles were split open, and blood was trickling out of them profusely.   
  
“You’re going to have to go to the infirmary now,” Castiel tried to speak lightly, as he took a raggedy towel and wiped Dean’s hands. 

 

“I don’t care about that Castiel…” Dean flinched in pain as Cas wiped the blood away.

 

The laundry room was quiet for a moment as the two of them sat together crying. Dean reached around and took Castiel in his arms and held him. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean muttered under his breath.  “I’m so fucking sorry.” 

 

Castiel shook his head and wrapped his arms around Dean, holding onto him tight. The embrace lasted for a long time as the two desperately tried to comfort each other. Dean took Cas’ hands and kissed his palms and wrist softly. 

 

“I’m sorry, baby,” Dean murmured, moving up and kissing Cas’ shoulders. Touching his tear stained face and kissing his brow, eyelids, cheeks, and finally his lips, Dean rested his head between Cas’ neck and shoulder. Wrapping his arms tightly around his waist, he just held him. 

 

“Tell me what to do, Cas….tell me what you want me to do for you.”

 

Cas looked to the ceiling and breathed, in pain….fear and sorrow. All he wanted now was to finally be happy, to feel decent and strong. He wanted to get rid of all memories of what happened, and he wanted to just be free, and in Dean’s touch….his kiss, Castiel finally felt free. 

 

Touching Dean now, Castiel lowered his head and looked at his man. Dean lifted his head to meet Castiel’s gaze and receive his answer.

 

“What do you need?...tell me please,” Dean said anxiously. Castiel shuddered before he leaned forward and kissed Dean’s lips, trying to find his strength and his will to just be with the man he loved. 

 

“I need you.” Castiel answered lowly, and held onto Dean’s shoulders very tightly. Dean nodded and kissed his beloved again, not realizing that Castiel was pulling him down on top of him.  

 

“Cas?” Dean murmured, as Castiel led him on to the large bundle of sheets that Dean had previously thrown down in rage. Forcing back all his thoughts and fears, Castiel guided Dean onto him and kissed him, opening his thighs and allowing Dean to rest between his legs.

 

Then he paused...feeling Dean’s body weight, and its light pressure. To be in caring arms was comforting, but it still scared Cas. He buried his face in to Dean’s neck, allowing his tears to flow. Dean breathed and placed a hand on the back of Castiel’s head, touching his black hair and feeling him shake.   
  
They lay together like that until Castiel finally lifted his head back. His eyes were swollen and red, hands shaking and legs trembling.   
  
“We don’t have to…” Dean whispered, feeling his heart ache sorely. The thumping of it was in his throat, he was scared, worried and angry about what had happened to his beloved. And Dean didn’t want Castiel to do anything he wasn't ready for, so he repeated,   
  
“We don’t have to…you don’t have to, Castiel.”     
  
Castiel quietly shook his head and kissed the man he loved once more, though Dean pulled off as gently as he could and looked at Cas, studying his eyes and feeling for him. Castiel furrowed his brow, then moved slowly to remove his own white t-shirt. 

 

Dean watched with wide eyes as Castiel began to pull off his clothes, every healed stitched scar and red wound showing. Dean’s lips trembled and he pressed them together tightly. 

 

Castiel lifted his thin hips and pulled down his pants and boxers. 

 

“Castiel...wait--” Dean began, but Cas interrupted him by kissing him, then murmured, 

 

“Kiss me...here.” Castiel pointed to the scar on his neck, and it took Dean a moment to understand through all his astonishment. But then Dean leaned forward and kissed Castiel’s scar. 

 

Cas closed his eyes and leaned his head back as Dean kissed his neck, feeling the softness of Dean’s lips over the roughened skin. It felt foreign for Cas; it was unreal but it was Dean...his Dean. So Cas let himself feel everything, and eventually Dean--lost in his own need and desperate want-- began to kiss Castiel all over, moving downward, kissing the scars on his shoulders and chest.

 

Dean gently ran his tongue over Cas’ nipple and sucked it without thinking. 

 

“Aw!” Castiel let out and arched his back, feeling a shock ripple through his body. Dean stopped immediately, 

 

“I’m sorry-”

 

“No...keep going...p-please. Please Dean, I want you to touch me. Please just touch me.” Castiel murmured and gasped as Dean continued to comply, gripping Dean’s hair and moving his hips up against him. Dean took hold of Castiel’s hip and turned him over carefully, kissing his shoulders again and moving down the line of his back, feeling Cas’ shiver and quake. Turning back, Castiel took a moment to help Dean out of his shirt and pants, pulling off his underwear and taking in the sight of him before Dean moved downward and kissed Castiel’s backside. Opening Cas up gingerly, Dean had no second thoughts, and began to tongue and kiss Castiel’s entrance. 

 

Castiel held back his moan and blushed a dark red, letting Dean taste him there while also feeling his heart race. His chest heaving as he took deeper breaths and his hands growing numb, Castiel reached back to touch Dean’s hair and cried out in soft little gasps.  

 

Despite all his hurt and trauma, Castiel realized how much he wanted Dean, how much he wanted to fix himself. How much he wanted to force back his shame and make things right between him and Dean. 

 

So Cas widened his legs and allowed Dean to make love to him with his tongue. After a moment of it, Castiel began to lose himself. Listening to the quiet sounds of the laundry room Castiel let out his gasps and moans, taking deep breaths as Dean licked and sucked on his body slowly… and even slower. 

 

The world seemed to spin as the two finally started to feel an ounce of pleasure. Castiel’s eyes rolled back and his hips swirled in cadence to Dean’s tongue. Grasping onto the sheets, Castiel cried out as Dean continued; whimpering and moaning, the young man felt as if something in him was coming back together….from once being torn to pieces. 

“Dean-n,” Castiel said, breathlessly rocking back. “ Awww Dean!...I need you so much!” 

 

“I got you Cas...baby, I got you.” Dean moved back up to kiss Castiel’s back again, massaging his waist and kissing the back of his neck, smelling his dark hair and just embracing him. In Dean’s grip, Cas rolled over to face him, both of their faces were flushed and their chests heaving, trying to breathe the hot air between them.

 

Dean wasn’t sure what else to do to... _ for  _ Castiel. There was so much he wanted...but Cas….Cas was just so delicate, so much that it made Dean nervous and Cas could see it.  Castiel knew Dean was afraid to hurt him and he loved Dean for it. 

 

Sitting up, Castiel took hold of his lover’s shoulders and gently pushed Dean over on to his back. Climbing on top of Dean, Castiel rested between his legs. And Dean positioned himself and opened his thighs wider to receive Cas. 

 

Moments passed with careful movements and the two began to buck and grind on top of the sheets. Moving against each other and touching until they were ready for it. And Dean had cried out as Cas moved wildly on top of him. 

 

Holding onto one another desperately, the two made love despite all the sorrow surrounding them. It wasn’t exactly magical….or even healing...but loving. And in that love the two found a release; a comfort in their climax.

 

Castiel bellowed out as he and Dean came. Clutching onto the sheets and saying the words  _ “I love you” and “I need you” _ mindlessly, repeatedly, until they were both breathless and collapsing.      
  
Dean felt Cas’ shivering and held onto him as they just laid together on the bundle of sheets, listening to Castiel’s crying, feeling his tears moisten his skin. 

 

But suddenly Castiel began to feel shamed and sick deep down. Quickly and without a word, Castiel climbed off Dean and laid on his side facing away from him. 

 

“Cas?” Dean sat up and turned to him. “Castiel, baby?” 

 

“I’m sorry Dean...I didn’t mean to go so fast,” Castiel said, without looking back. “I thought if I made love to you my fears would go away, that I’d feel stronger and whole. But Dean...Dean, I still feel like I’m in that room where I was attacked.”

 

“No no no, Cas. Don’t think about it…..Don’t think about it.” Dean wanted to touch Castiel and hold him. But now Castiel shivered and shook violently, and it made Dean afraid. 

  
“Castiel...I love you,” Dean said….then cautiously reached out to Cas. “I love you so much….Please look at me.” 

 

Castiel turned over with wet bloodshot eyes. Dean wiped the tears away and promised, 

“I’ll protect you….I’ll protect you now, Castiel. You don’t have to be alone. Not anymore... I’ll love you and protect you from now on. Do you hear me?” 

 

Castiel answered with a nod, and Dean laid back down and held him closer, thinking of everything that had happened to them. How Alastair and Azazel had ruined everything for them and others. With rage in his heart and mind, Dean held Castiel tighter than ever, and with malice in his voice Dean whispered, “do you want me to kill them?”

 

Castiel blinked and shuddered the word, “yes.”   
  


* * *

 

Azazel had been sitting in the diner waiting for his brother to meet him, drinking his coffee that he mixed with the bourbon from his flask. The man wore a harsh scowl that frightened everyone that looked his way. He was furious, and beyond his fury he controlled himself to have a calm resolve, but still, he couldn't help but contemplate how to solve his dilemma.

 

Alastair walked into the establishment and wore nearly the same expression on his face. He sat down across from his older brother and spoke first, 

 

“So, how do you want to handle this?” Alastair asked. “Because this isn’t like Meg; Angel Boy is guarded by Joshua now. So what the fuck do we do?”    
  
Azazel remained silent while thumping a sugar packet over his coffee. He frowned crookedly and waited a moment, before beginning to speak quickly. “It’s not smart to speak on such things in public, Ally-cat.” 

 

Alastair winced and squinted, but before he could protest Azazel continued in a whisper, 

 

“Take care of that little nurse, I’ll handle Joshua’s bitch ass alone. That’s the fuck we’re going to do. Simple. As. That.” 

 

“You’re pissed…..at something else other than the fact that Angel Boy is telling people what happened? Tell me, ‘Zazel.”

 

Azazel sucked his teeth and sat back. He thought for a moment before he confessed with a dark smirk, “I thought making Castiel come would keep him quiet about it. Which would’ve given me a chance to fuck him a couple more times….his ass was pretty damn tight I’ll admit….better than Kevin. But it turns out that Angel Boy is tougher than we thought.” 

 

“Just because he’s talking doesn’t mean he has proof on us,” Alastair reassured. 

 

Azazel chortled and quickly stood up. “Ten years...ten fucking years of having a free for all and one victim, the fucking schizo who doesn't even know that he is on earth half the time, is the one to finally talk and possibly do us in. I’m not having it Ally, I’m not. Go take care of that nurse, I’ll get Joshua. And come see me right after.”

 

Alastair looked up at Azazel and took his brother’s unfinished coffee. “Consider it already done.”  


	9. Proof.

_ “I can stick this needle in your arm and you won’t remember a damn thing... I can make it all go away and you wouldn’t even know what happened to you…..But I’m not going to do that. Not to you.... Castiel. Not to you. Because there is something I want you to do for me….Tell them. Tell everyone what those two bastards did to you…what they have been doing to others for years...Tell them all….." _

“A woman came to my room once....” Castiel sat in his room with Joshua and Rachel. Rachel was examining his scars on his neck and chest, which were healing properly, solely under her care.

Officer Joshua stood on the right side of the room with his arms folded, watching Rachel as she worked. 

“What woman, Castiel?” The man asked, leaning forward and narrowing his brow. 

Castiel blinked and thought, “She was a nurse. I think... She told me...she told me to tell everyone what happened. What Alastair and Azazel did to me.” Castiel fought back a sob and looked to Rachel, who frowned. 

“Do you believe me?” he asked her. Rachel nodded immediately. 

“Yes. I do Castiel, I believe you.” 

“We both do. Alastair and Azazel are despicable guys. I wouldn't put it past them to do something horrendous like this. But Castiel…” Joshua grabbed the chair from the corner and sat down. “We need evidence and proof that they did it. And we don’t have that right now because--”

“Because I took a shower.” Castiel interrupted Joshua and held his head low.

“Cas,” Rachel said, and reached for his hand, But Castiel flinched away, angry with himself. 

The young man curled into a ball on the bed and nearly started to scream. But he held it in and bit down on his lip. Joshua placed his own face in his palm and exhaled. 

“What about the security cameras?” he thought. Kicking himself for not thinking of them sooner, and his heart dropped as soon as Rachel answered, 

“Josh, the cameras in the West hall are damaged.”

“How?” Joshua nearly snapped in frustration, but Rachel explained, 

“The West hall is notorious for being the place where patients go to harm themselves. Some of them broke the cameras a few months back-” 

“And the chief physicians didn’t think of having them replaced by now!?” Joshua exclaimed loudly. 

“Joshua, please keep it down…” Rachel hushed the man and continued, “Dr. Uriel and Dr. Billie usually don’t deal with the jobs that belong to the security. Complaints usually go to the head officers and---”

“Azazel and Alastair are the head officers, Rachel.” The realization hit Joshua like a ton of bricks. Rachel pressed her lips together in agitation, and Castiel sat up slowly. 

Joshua stood up, “They’ve had this all planned from the get-go then. They must have been gunning for you, Castiel, since you got here?” 

“No. It can’t be like that because,” Castiel mumbled, “They’ve hurt others too.”

Rachel sat back and looked to Joshua at the same time as he looked to her. 

“Who else have they attacked?” The man and woman asked simultaneously. 

“Kevin Tran.” Castiel said. “The boy who sits alone all the time.” 

“And who else?” Rachel beckoned. “Who else, Castiel?” 

__  
  


“Me.” A voice said, coming from the other side of the room. Everyone turned and looked to see Dean Winchester standing by the doorway. He had been waiting for Castiel in the main hall all morning, and when he didn’t see him anywhere Dean grew extremely worried. He stepped into the room looking to Joshua and Rachel, while saying, 

“Alastair tried to rape me in a storage room. Azazel kept watch on the outside and only stopped it from happening because the janitors were coming.”

“When exactly did this happen?” Joshua asked cautiously. 

“The first few weeks after I got here.” Dean answered. “I can’t remember the exact day.”

“See, that’s going to be the problem.” Joshua shook his head, “We’re going to have to come up with solid confirmation that all this actually has happened.” 

“But we have physical proof...look at Castiel!” Dean nearly screamed. 

“Dean, remain calm please.” Rachel warned with a raised hand. And Castiel shook his head at Dean. After a moment, Dean went silent and Castiel spoke with a cracking voice, 

“What I did was self-inflicted...after I showered their s-semen off of me-e...This is all my fault. If only my heaven didn’t have me...none of this would have ever happened.”        

From there the room went quiet and the sounds were of Castiel’s sniffling as he fought back his tears. 

“Castiel, you said they hurt others,” Rachel spoke softly. “Maybe it’s best we focus on helping them, okay?”

“Okay,” Castiel mumbled to Rachel, then looked to Dean. Dean came closer but not too close because of the rule against patients having physical contact. But Dean yearned to embrace Castiel despite what Officer Joshua or Nurse Rachel would say. And what they said, thought and planned didn’t matter because Dean had plans of his own.

“I’m going to investigate the West hallway. See what I can find in room 12.” Joshua said. 

“Like what?” Castiel asked. “You said those men must have planned this...what if they had covered their tracks? What if there is nothing in there?” 

“Well, we have to try something. But Castiel don’t worry about this part okay. Do what Rachel says. I’ll be back to look after you in an hour. Rachel, you’re cool?”

Rachel nodded and Joshua made his way out of the room, heading to the West hall. 

Rachel looked to Cas and tried to comfort him but Castiel shook his head. “I almost don’t want to think right now.” Castiel spoke blandly. 

Rachel nodded and spoke softly, “Try laying down back, okay. Give yourself a minute to recollect.” The woman helped her patient as best as she could. Gathering up her tools from checking and cleaning Castiel’s scars, Rachel looked to Dean who had moved to sit in the chair beside Castiel. 

Rachel frowned loosely and thought for a moment before saying, “how would you two like to share this room?” 

Dean’s head shot up and Cas looked over his thin shoulder. Their eyes lit up. Rachel smirked a bit at the sight of them and said, “I’ll take that as a yes. Go get your things, Winchester.”

* * *

 

The switch around didn’t take long at all. Dean’s possessions were sparse at best. His light jacket, a dirty sweater, a few pairs of boxers and secretly his sharpened toothbrushes. Which he kept tucked away in the lining of his pants and often hid them in holes in the walls.

Castiel had been lucky when it came down to having the most well kept room in the hospital. And Dean was elated to be settling in with him. Placing his things on the bed adjacent to Cas’, Dean knew that he would be able to keep Cas safer by being close at all times. 

“Alright you two...behave yourselves and just keep it down. Especially at night.” Rachel said as she made her way out of the room. Knowing very well that the two were lovers she left quickly to give them a moment to speak. Closing the door behind her, Rachel sighed. It was breaking the no physical contact rule but that didn’t matter to her now, as she started to walk fast down toward the main hall. Searching for Kevin Tran. 

As soon as the door was closed, Dean and Castiel ran to each other and kissed deeply. 

“Cas...oh Cas…I’ll kill them, I swear to God, I’ll kill them.”

“D-Dean.” Cas cried, looking at Dean and studying the seriousness in his face. “You never told me what happened to you. That they hurt you too.”

Dean shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Just focus on me. Kiss me.”

Castiel nodded and lifted his head. Caressing his lips against Dean’s. 

“Do you feel, okay?” Dean gently asked, feeling in his heart for Cas.

“Yes.” Castiel murmured, and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I have something to show you.” 

“What is it?” 

Castiel lifted the pillow on the bed and took the old paper flower Dean had made for him. Blood stained, with glitter and bright colors. Dean chuckled softly and couldn’t help the small smile that spread on his lips. In all his rage he had forgotten about his present to Cas. The only thing he could give along with his heart. 

“You have it. Oh God, you still have it.” Dean said breathlessly. 

“Of course.” Cas smiled a small smile and sat on the bed. His legs feeling a little weak. He was anxious but glad to have Dean with him now. But Castiel had it in his heart to confess, 

“I’m sorry Dean. I just… I just didn’t want you to see me. Not like that.” The tears seemed to pour out with no effort or warning. Dean knelt in front of Castiel and took his hands into his own. He was ready to speak and console his beloved but Cas said, “I was so ashamed, and I didn’t know if you’d still want me. After all they did...even after making love with you. I still feel so broken and defeated.”

“Castiel.” Dean curved his brow and frowned. “I will always want you. Remember that and know it.” Dean held onto Cas’ hand tighter. The paper flower crumbling in their grip. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Castiel sobbed softly. Slouching down and crying now harder then ever before. His shoulders shaking and his body feeling warm and numb at the same time. He felt misery and sorrow because of what happened. But now he was finally with Dean. He was safe now and his angels were at bay. Despite it all Castiel felt more intact and a part of the world than ever in his life. Not lost in his dream world...in his heavens. As long as he had Dean, Castiel didn't need them. Didn’t really want them, and he was finally free. 

For Dean, he was grateful for the silver lining in all of this. To have Castiel back with him, to be kneeling in front of Cas and to finally feel whole, deep down inside of himself. Dean was strangely happy...appreciative...so much that he didn’t feel the words as he spoke them, 

“Castiel, will you marry me?…I mean, when we get out of here. When we are free and able to live normal lives... will you marry me, someday?” Dean gulped back the question, feeling nervous, but realized it was too late. It was already asked. But much to Dean’s surprise, Castiel immediately answered through tears,

“Yes, Dean. Yes.” Then he smiled and laughed a little. Dean grinned as well noticing that Cas was looking at the flower. “You’re proposing to me with a paper flower? After we’ve only known each other for a few weeks.” 

“It’s been over a month, Cas.” Dean corrected with a small smirk. 

Castiel laughed again and it was a beautiful deep laugh. And God, how Dean loved the sound of it so much. 

“I love you.” Dean repeated. “Our world is dark and it may be scary, Cas. But I love you and I’m glad I’ve met you. And I’ll protect you no matter what. No matter if your angels have you, or if my pain has me. The pain takes us...I’ll be with you and I’ll fight for you”

Castiel looked Dean in the eye and shook when he saw the murderous glare, 

“And those bastards are going to pay for what they have done, Cas. I promise you I’ll make them pay.” Dean stood up slowly and took Castiel’s face into his hands and kissed him, hard. Fiercely. Taking Cas into his arms and slowly laying on the bed with him. Dean kissed Cas and quietly began to make love to him.

* * *

 

Rachel looked everywhere for the young boy but she couldn’t find him.

“Anna, Have you seen the patient Kevin Tran?” Rachel asked the fellow nurse who turned, and rolled her eyes,

“No I haven’t, and he’s not even my responsibility. He is Meg’s, who doesn’t even bother to show up for her shifts anymore.” Anna stepped away from Rachel and made her way down the North Hall, leaving Rachel alone in the wide space. It took everything in Rachel not to go and slap the woman for what she said. But she was used to it. Rachel was used to the cruelty of this place. 

Worried, Rachel turned toward the West Hall. Hoping in her heart that she wouldn’t find the boy there. Something in her mind was telling her that he might be there. Though as she stomped her way across the main hall, Rachel was abruptly stopped by the tall security guard, Alastair, who stepped in her way with a casual stride.      

“How’s it going, beautiful?” Alastair asked with a playful smirk. Rachel winced and felt a searing rage erupt inside her that she fought to keep down. Looking around, she noticed that no one was monitoring the main hall and that she and Alastair were completely alone. 

“What do you want---” Rachel began to hiss at the man but he immediately cut her off.

“Tsk tsk, no no.” Alastair waved a finger in front of Rachel’s face. “Don’t speak, scream or even run.” He whispered and put his hand on his gun. 

Rachel noticed it and was suddenly stunned. Alastair grabbed her tightly by the arm and dragged her into a darkened stairway.

Alastair pushed Rachel into the stairwell and shut the entrance door. Taking his gun and pointing it into her face. Rachel gasped and shook. Wanting to scream but too afraid that Alastair would pull the trigger as soon as she opened her mouth to do so. Alastair smirked, knowing that she was fearful. 

“I bet your heart is just racing right now?” the man chuckled. “Bet you’d piss yourself if I fired a warning shot...right into your gorgeous legs. Though I’d rather shoot a load onto that pretty face of yours.” 

“You sick bastard.” Rachel shook. “I know what you did to Cas…what you have been doing to Kevin Tran and others. I know what you tried to do to Dean. And you won’t get away with it.” 

Alastair laughed again and then suddenly put his gun back in his holster.

“I’m glad you got that out of your system.” The man said...then took the hidden knife from behind his back and slit Rachel’s throat. 

It was all so abrupt. Sudden. Rachel had blinked for only a split second and didn’t notice how fast the man had moved. Gasping, bleeding out and panicking, Rachel held her throat and tried to put pressure on it. But losing consciousness, her body fell. Hitting the stair and tumbling down with scarlet blood everywhere. 

Rachel was dead when her body finally made it to the bottom floor. 

“Way, way much better than a gun.” Alastair said to himself as he pulled out an old handkerchief and cleaned off the blade. He left the stairway, leaving the woman’s body and returned to the storage unit where he had left Kevin Tran, broken and unconscious. 

* * *

 

Deep into the West Hall in room 12, Officer Joshua worked diligently in finding something that he could use as proof that Castiel was raped. He became desperate as he searched the room. The space was clean. Cleaner in comparison to any other room in the West hall.

“Just like they covered their tracks.” Joshua groaned and pitched the space between his eyes. “Those evil assholes.” There wasn’t anything that could be done, and Joshua’s heart dropped in the realization that he was letting Castiel, Rachel, and even Dean Winchester down. “Shit!” The man cursed, and tried to think. ‘There has to be physical evidence around here somewhere. Somehow.’

Then it hit Joshua, and he rushed to the bed and ripped off the sheets to see the dried blood stains. 

His heart leaped, and a grateful relief washed over him as he saw the evidence. And he stepped back, knowing in his mind that he would be able to put those two awful men behind bars. Everything was going to be alright. Now there was proof.  

“Did you find all that you were looking for?” a deep voice spoke, and Joshua froze. When he finally turned around he looked to see his superior officer standing before him with his arms behind his back. 

Azazel stepped forward to the fellow middle-aged man and spoke smoothly with an even voice,

“You seemed very upset for a moment...Joshua...right?” 

Joshua took a step back and pressed his lips into a scowl. “You’re a foul man, you know that?”

Azazel nodded and scoffed, “You know, it would have been best if that little nurse kept her mouth shut, and if you’d had minded your own business.” 

Joshua lifted his head and sucked back his agitation and slight fear. “You raped Castiel Novak. And the evidence is clear right there.” Joshua pointed at the bed behind him. Stepping up into the man’s face, now feeling his own fear dissipate into conviction. But still an irritation ate at him as he watched Officer Azazel smile about it. Joshua grew furious and it only made the dark-hearted man laugh. 

“That’s right...I fucked him good, right over there.” Azazel nodded toward the bed and swiftly pulled his silencer installed Beretta out from behind his back and shot Joshua in the head three times. Blood and pieces of Joshua’s skull splattered from the back of his head, and in a thud the dead man’s body hit the edge of the bed. Sliding to the floor in a slouch. 

The room’s door opened and Alastair came over to see the dead guard on the floor. Together, the two men exited the room, leaving Joshua’s body, and making plans for Cas.

* * *

 

“I love you, Castiel.” Dean whispered, holding Cas from behind with his arms tight around his waist. The two lovers laid still together on the bed. The covers ruffled around their bodies and their legs intertwined. The sex was slow and gentle, and Castiel had breathed heavily and nearly cried out loudly as Dean moved against him tenderly. But Cas came quietly, leaning his head back in the pillow and shuddering maddeningly. Holding onto Dean with shaking hands and just gasping his name. 

It still wasn’t exactly like magic or otherworldly for him. But bodily and warm. Sex was scary, yes...but as Dean had touched him so softly and entered him so delicately, Castiel felt the tension and fear loosen inside him. And it all felt as if he was finally reclaiming ownership of his body.  

But still…..Azazel had been there, where Dean was, and Castiel moaned and trembled in confusion, fighting his urge to scream. He wanted to please Dean above all and it felt good...for a moment. But inside Cas was a torn thing. A broken part...something that ached to be achieved. Castiel believed it so, that soon as those men were dead--Azazel especially---the broken thing would be fixed. Until then Castiel laid on the bed with Dean, waiting patiently.      

“I love you too, Dean.” Cas whispered back. 


	10. Torment.

Dean snapped awake in the middle of the evening and noticed that Castiel was gone. He shot up and jumped out of the bed and rushed to the adjunct bathroom; Castiel wasn’t there. In a heartbeat, Dean snatched open the door and ran out of the room.

 

“Cas!” He called out and stopped immediately when he noticed Castiel sitting on the floor in the hallway, talking to himself with the paper flower in his hand.  

 

“I have to fly…” Cas muttered in a daze as the world changed to silver and gold, angels all around him singing,

 

_Come to us, Castiel, come now... the gates of Heaven will be closing soon….come to us now._

 

The heaven was so peaceful and light, Castiel felt safe in it and overwhelmed with a quiet joy. Muttering and laughing to himself, his eyes unfocused and unable to see the physical world. His heart beating and rejoicing, Castiel sighed in it, the golden air and tranquil skies in his mind. Until he blinked suddenly… then he saw nothing but darkness.

 

_Two demons came from the dark and snatched the angel away from his home...the demon. The demons were naked figures cloaked in soot and smoke. And in the darkness, they took the form of Azazel and Alastair._

 

_And the one with strange yellow eyes, Azazel, laughed as he grunted on top of the defenseless angel, Castiel. Slamming their bodies together and whispering filth into Cas’ ears._

 

_“You’re gonna be flying real soon. You’re gonna be flying real soon. You’re gonna be flying real soon.”_

 

_The demon’s voice repeated itself….irritation and fear rippled through Castiel’s being and he screamed……._

 

In the physical world, Castiel started to scream. “No! No! No! NO! NO! NOOO-O! STOP IT!!! STOP IT!!! STOP-P IT-T.”

 

Pounding his fist against his head, Castiel harmed himself in attempts to rid himself of the demon’s voice….that man’s voice, Azazel’s voice. And fear ripped through Dean as he rushed over to Cas in a split second, and grabbed Castiel by the arms to make him stop. “CAS! CAS! CALM DOWN! CALM DOWN!!! I’M HERE, I’M HERE!!”

 

Thunder clapped in the hellish realm Castiel was in and the rain came, a raging storm that shook the world and cracked the ground with earthquakes. But still, in the midst of all the confusion, Castiel was stuck….Azazel was done and it was now the white-eyed demon,  Alastair, shoving his manhood down Castiel’s throat.

 

“AHHHH!!!” Castiel flailed against Dean and nearly vomited. Dean didn't care if he did, he put his arms over Cas’ body and held him close, as he screamed and fought against him.   

“D-Dean!!! DEAN! HELP ME! HELP ME!”

 

“Shh-shh, Castiel, I’m right here, I’m right here.” Dean touched his beloved’s dark hair and started to rock him, ignoring the patients and night nurses coming toward them and eventually ripping them away.

 

The next morning came in a blur, but Dean was well looked after by Benny, Garth and Ash. Castiel was taken back to the infirmary and wasn’t released until early morning. Dean waited up all night for him, and when Castiel walked out of the North Hall that morning Dean smiled weakly.

 

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said, noticing the heavy bruise on Dean’s cheek. Dean shook his head and walked back to the room they shared, with Castiel following quickly.

 

As soon as the door was shut, Dean looked at Cas. “Don’t you dare worry about it, you hear me? I don’t ever want to hear you apologize for anything. Especially about what those fuckers did to you. You understand me, Castiel?”

 

Cas was taken aback by Dean’s furious tone, but he nodded, “yes Dean I understand.”

 

With that answer, Dean stepped forward and took Castiel into his arms, kissing his forehead and cupping his face in his hands. The two lovers held each other for a while until Castiel asked, “have you seen Rachel this morning? She usually checks on me by this time.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow, “No,” then he remembered, “Joshua said that he was going to be back within an hour yesterday…”

 

Castiel’s eyes widened and Dean quickly reassured him, “he probably saw that the door was closed and he probably was cool with us being alone for a moment, like Rachel.”

 

“But Dean, he doesn’t know about us like Rachel does,” Castiel said, his voice rising an octave. “Oh my God, Dean. What if something happened?”

 

“Listen to me… listen. Joshua and Rachel are tough. Nothing has happened to them. They will show up soon, okay.” Dean attempted to comfort Castiel, but he barely believed the words coming out of his own mouth. What if something had happened….where is Rachel, who is never late for her shifts. And where is Officer Joshua who was supposed to help solve all this with evidence? The same thoughts ran through Dean and Castiel’s minds, but the questions remained unspoken, unasked.

 

Castiel nodded to Dean, listening to him and believing in him, but as the rest of the day carried on, Castiel’s nerves wracked throughout his body terribly, and he grew more worried about Rachel and Joshua by the second. Dean did what he could to keep Castiel’s mind off the worry, from playing cards in the rec room, making another flower for him in art therapy, and walking in the courtyard before the afternoon ended.

 

Though by evening the two of them were anxious. In their room, Dean listened to Castiel cry in the adjunct bathroom and hugged him when he finally came out. Laying him down on the bed, Dean sat beside Cas and whispered to him loving words while rubbing his back and legs, desperately trying to soothe him.

 

“Are you hungry, Cas? It’s dinner time in the cafeteria.” Dean whispered thirty minutes later. Castiel shook his head, he was never hungry for anything, and Dean frowned at the realization. Cas was so thin...it looked natural on his small frame, though still Dean noticed that Castiel wasn’t able--or even willing—to take care of himself without Rachel’s help.

 

“Come on, let's get you some food and then you can lay right back down….Cas?” Dean lifted his brows and bit back his anxiety.

 

Castiel was crying again, and he said, “go ahead Dean, I’ll be fine right here. Just leave the door open, okay?”

 

“No Castiel, I am not leaving you alone.” Dean spoke firmly until Castiel sat up and pushed him.

 

“Just go! I’m not a baby, I can look after myself, I’ve been doing it for years!”

 

Shock washed over Dean and he blinked, confused and a little upset. But Castiel started to beg him, “Just go, please. I need a minute to myself, okay?”

 

Dean shook his head and refused, but Castiel’s eyes were pleading and watery, and Dean understood that he had been hovering over Cas since they had been reunited. Scared, irritated and vastly reluctant, Dean got up off the bed and spoke before walking out, “I’ll leave the door open. You come out when you’re ready, okay?”

 

Castiel nodded and laid back down. “Okay, Dean.”

* * *

 

When he heard the door close, Castiel jumped awake and sleepily sat up while rubbing the crust out of his eyes.

 

“Dean, I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean what I said.” Castiel blinked through his blurry vision and shook his head. He was sleeping too heavily and his senses were incoherent for a moment, but he heard the heavy boots stepping toward the bed. At first, he thought of Officer Joshua, he wore heavy boots as part of his uniform. But then Castiel froze as he looked up and saw the guard standing by the foot of his bed.

 

Fear sizzled through his nerves and instantly with his heart racing in his throat, Castiel got to his feet and shot across the room. Though Azazel swiftly caught him and threw him against the wall on the opposite side.  

 

“Be still, Angel Boy,” the man growled as Cas thrashed weakly. “Be still! …scream or fight and I’ll break both your arms.” Azazel huffed and pressed a large hand against Castiel’s heaving chest, pushing him flush against the wall.

 

The tears only took seconds to fall down Cas’ face, and his legs became loose and weak. His hands were numb, and Castiel felt as if he’d wet himself in all his anguish and fear. Confusion gnawing at his heart, he whimpered as Azazel came closer and pressed his body against his.

 

“Please, don’t.” Castiel turned away, but Azazel took hold of his jaw with one hand, making him face him. And it was the first time Castiel actually looked the man who violated him directly in the eye.

 

Azazel’s face was rough and intimidating, he looked like violence… and the very crimes he committed. Castiel couldn’t stand it. He shook hard and tried to look away again, but Azazel repeated his action of taking Castiel’s face with one hand and making him look.

 

The two stared at each other, standing uncomfortably close, and it caused Castiel to nearly hyperventilate and sob hysterically. Azazel would have smiled in all his elation; the sight of Castiel’s agony was pleasing, but his countenance remained stoic while his mind was indeed violent.

 

“You got me feigning, boy.” Azazel pressed closer against the younger man and whispered into Castiel’s face. Cas whimpered again.

 

“No, p-please.”

 

“You understand that I can’t really let you live...But I don’t want to kill you….at least not right now.” Azazel allowed himself to smirk for a moment, then he took his index finger and wiped the tear from Castiel’s eye. “Stop crying.”

 

Castiel broke down immediately at the sound of Azazel’s voice, it was deep, demonic and hellish. His mouth was a black hole, and his body was like a scalding hot iron, pressing against Cas and burning him from the outside and within.

 

The room was quiet between them, except for Castiel’s sobs and Azazel’s light scoffs. It didn't take Castiel long...with all his worry for Joshua and Rachel he knew something had happened… something awful, but his lips moved to ask the question anyway,

 

“What did you do to Rachel and Joshua?” Castiel shook again when Azazel bluntly answered,

 

“We killed them.”

 

Castiel’s heart dropped and his eyes widened. He curled into himself, attempting to shield his raw vulnerability from the man, but Officer Azazel took him by the wrist and forced him to open his arms, exposing his torn upper body.

 

“You’re a mess, aren’t you,” Azazel said, noticing the massive scars and abrasions on Cas’ neck. “I left my mark on you, and you just sliced it all off, huh?” Azazel traced the scars with his fingers and made Castiel shiver at his touch.    

 

“Why did you rape me?” Castiel sobbed and trembled fearfully. “Why did you do that to me...you fucking bastard.”

 

Azazel laughed now, and removed his hand from Cas’ neck, lowering himself to his knee just as Castiel hopelessly slid down to the floor. The officer looked the younger man dead in his eyes and answered bluntly once again, “because I wanted to ...and because I could.”

 

Castiel shook and convulsed as he tried to breathe. Azazel continued in a whisper, “hell...I want to fuck you right now...your ass was so tight from before. But let me guess, it’s not now since you’ve been letting that Dean Winchester fuck you, huh? Yeah...I can tell. The way you screamed for him---”

 

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!!!” Castiel roared, and Azazel took Cas’ face into his hand and thrust it back powerfully against the wall.

 

Castiel cried out in pain and felt nauseous and dizzy at the same time. Azazel stood up immediately and snatched Castiel by the hair, dragging him forward and pulling him by the collar of his t-shirt.

 

Castiel screamed and fought the man, clawing at his hands and shouting,“Help! Someone! Dean! Help me!” And despite all of his evil-doing Azazel wasn’t a liar. Quickly, He took Castiel by his left arm and twisted until a bone snapped.

 

“AHHHHHH!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!” Castiel almost fell over as he gripped his broken arm, though the vicious guard grabbed him by the hair again and dragged him out of the room.

* * *

 

_1 hour earlier…_

Dean sat in the cafeteria during dinner worrying about Castiel, and what he had said. Knowing that Cas was right; he wasn’t a baby and he didn’t need to be treated like one, but still, it made Dean furious and anxious. Angry because of his own weakness, and the evils Azazel and Alastair had done. Angry with himself because he wasn’t able to save Cas then, but his resolve was to keep him safe now.

 

‘I have to do everything I can to protect him.’ Dean had thought,) and got up from his table, clapping Benny, whom he sat with, on the back quickly, and heading out of the cafeteria. Walking back into his room, Dean noticed that Castiel was now finally sleeping soundly, lightly snoring and curled into a soft position. Dean stepped over to him and took the blanket and straightened it around Cas, tucking him in and then realizing he was doing exactly what Castiel said… treating him like a baby. This made Dean smile tenderly for only one moment, then he frowned, thinking about how Joshua and Rachel never showed up, sensing that something had truly happened.

 

“I’ll protect you, Cas,” Dean whispered softly, and stood up straight, grabbing his sharpened toothbrushes from the lining of his pants and walking out of the room a little too quickly...not thinking to close the door this time.

 

Stomping through the hallways, Dean searched for Alastair and Azazel, looking everywhere with a vicious scowl on his face, and ravaging vengeance in his mind. Dean walked around unnoticed as he checked the North, South and East hallways. When he didn’t find the two men, he became frustrated and tightened his grip around the shanks angrily, ready to shout their names and demand the nurses that they go find them. But then Dean remembered what Joshua had said the day before,

 

_“I’m going to investigate the West hallway. See what I can find in room 12.”_

 

Dean winced and turned toward the West hallway. Without hesitation, Dean stalked his way into the darkness of the notorious space, though he froze when he finally reached room 12. Thinking to himself, ‘This is where those motherfuckers hurt Cas,’ fear and anger rippled through his skin, and Dean nearly lost his composure as he stood in front of the closed door. But he fought back his own tears and opened the door.

 

Dean dropped his sharpened toothbrush and nearly gasped in horror as he saw Joshua on the floor; the man had been dead for hours and his corpse began to smell foul in the closed space. Dean stood wide eyed and heart racing at the realization that the man had been murdered….and his thoughts rushed through his head as he realized that Rachel had to have been killed as well. And there was no need to ask himself who did it, Dean knew instantly.

 

“Castiel!” Dean’s eyes grew wider as it all registered further in his mind that he left Castiel alone in his room with the door wide open! Dean turned hastily, but as soon as he turned around he froze and saw Officer Alastair standing in the doorway.

 

“Well well, Look at what I have here--” Alastair attempted to say, but Dean lunged forward. He tackled Alastair and slammed him against the filthy old wall in the hallway. The two men fell to the floor grunting and fighting each other, Dean ripped at Alastair’s thin hair and spat in his face.

“Get off me you fucking bitch ass faggot!” Alastair shouted, and punched Dean in the face and got up quickly, then kicked the younger man in the chest.

 

“Ahh!” Dean cried out, and lost all the air in his lungs. Forcing himself to move though, he reached for the shank that was left in the doorway, and whirled his body around quickly and stabbed Alastair in his thigh.  

 

“AHHH YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKER!!!” Alastair roared, stumbling back to the floor and simultaneously ripping out the ragged-edged toothbrush. Dean saw his chance to get his shank back and stab the man again, but before he could do so, Alastair grabbed his stun gun and shot Dean in the chest

 

Dean shouted wordlessly in pain as the electricity ripped through his body, then he collapsed heavily onto the floor.

 

Alastair groaned in pain and grunted as he stood up. Blood trickling down his leg he limped over to Dean, and grabbed him by his ankle, dragging his body further down the hallway.

 

* * *

 

_1 hour later_

 

Kevin was wandering down the East hall when he heard someone screaming.

 

“HELP ME!!!! HELP ME!!!”

 

The young boy discredited the screaming, because someone was always screaming in the hospital; screaming for their mothers, screaming for release and freedom. Kevin continued to wander until he heard,

 

“DEAN!!!!! D-DEANN!!!!! HELP ME!!!!”

 

Kevin turned immediately, recognizing the voice was Castiel Novak’s, and he raced down the hall until he heard a giant door slam shut. Kevin went and tried to open the heavy door, but it was locked from the other side, and Kevin was too weak to force it open. Thinking quickly, the youth ran down the hallways until he reached Benny Lafitte's room.

 

Benny had been sitting by himself that evening, trying to think clearly. His own thoughts racing and mental state unhinging, he was caught up in all of himself until Kevin Tran ran into his door. Benny opened it quickly and saw Kevin huffing and puffing,

 

“Kevin, what the fuck---”

 

“THEY GOT CAS!!!!” Kevin bellowed. Benny’s eyes shot open and instantly he ran out of the room, as Kevin told him what had happened while leading the way to the exit door that had slammed earlier. “It’s Officers Azazel and Alastair, I know it!” Kevin cried. “They raped Cas!...I know it because they’ve been raping me! Please, Benny we have to save him!”

 

Without thinking twice and no longer worrying about himself, Benny grabbed Kevin by his shoulders and demanded, “go get help! Go get Dean! Go get somebody!”

 

With that order, Kevin took off down the hall with haste and Benny turned and started to slam his brawny body against the heavy set of doors.

* * *

 

Dean felt his body hit the cold floor of the hospital’s dark basement, where there was a musky smell of mildew, and the air was hot and heavy. Dean’s eyes opened slowly, dizzyingly, as he was in a daze. His body weighed a ton and his chest was sore with a stinging ache, then he heard the two voices around him say,   

 

“Which one are we gonna fuck first?” It was Alastair...Then there was a throaty chuckle that came from Azazel.

“Tie up Winchester...we’re going to make him watch.”

 

Dean couldn’t move or think. The electric shock from Alastair's stun gun had knocked Dean out cold. But his heart was beginning to race as he heard Castiel’s loud cries,

 

“Dean-n!”

 

Azazel slapped Cas with an open palm, making the poor young man yelp in pain. His arm was still broken and with the pain of it Castiel couldn’t fight. He cried out again as Azazel grabbed him up and forced him down to the floor and hitched up his hips.

 

“No! No!, G-God, No!” Castiel screamed and began to thrash violently and wildly as Azazel tore off his pants and underwear. “DEAN! DEAN-N!”

 

“Shut up!” Azazel pushed Castiel’s back against the floor to keep him still. The man undid his belt and readied himself to rape Cas for the second time, as Castiel continued to scream for Dean.

 

Dean forced himself out of his daze through sheer will and got to his feet, but instantaneously Alastair slammed Dean back to the floor and stomped on his side. Dean’s eyes bulged and he felt one of his ribs crack from the savage blow. Alastair continued to stomp on Dean and kick him in the abdomen.

“CAS!! CASTIEL.” Dean screamed in horror as he saw Azazel moving over Cas, and Castiel roaring and kicking his legs helplessly.

Everything seemed to slow down.

 

Azazel raping Castiel.

 

Alastair laughing and beating at Dean.

 

The basement filling up with sounds of Dean and Castiel’s wailing.

 

They were lost. The basement’s lights flickered in and out. Ten seconds had only passed...ten slow seconds. No one heard him coming.

 

Alastair had been laughing and taunting Dean, and wasn’t paying attention when Benny Lafitte sprinted in and tackled him, slamming him to the floor and wildly biting at the man’s face like a wild animal.

 

Alastair shook and reached for his guns, but Benny grabbed his arms and pinned him to the floor; leaning forward and going for the side of the guard's face. Alastair yelled as Benny sunk his teeth into his ear and cheek, then Benny snatched forward.

 

“AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Blood sprayed everywhere as Alastair’s flesh ripped off from the barbaric action, and the officer began to wail out in agony, kicking his feet and fighting to get the vampiric patient off him.

 

On the other side, Dean got to his feet and shot forward to Azazel who was still on Cas, before realizing what was happening to his brother.

 

“AL!!!!” Azazel called out, before receiving a hard kick in the face from Dean. Dean moved quickly; giving the man no time to recover, he hopped on top of Azazel and started to pound his head against the floor. Castiel crawled out of the way, watching in fear as they fought for a moment.

 

The light flickered out, then back in. And in that second Azazel overpowered Dean with his legs and flipped him to the floor.

The light flickered back out again and Dean was punching Azazel and slamming him against a cement pillar.

 

The light flickered and Azazel twisted around and grabbed Dean from behind. Dean struggled and tried to break free of the man’s hold, but he held Dean’s arms behind his back.

 

On the other side, Benny was also soon overtaken by a wrathful Alastair, who finally broke free and reached for his knife, the same one he used to kill Rachel. With a high kick with his long leg, Alastair struck Benny and made him collapse to the floor. Hopping on top of the brawny man, Alastair began to stab him in his face, chest, and stomach.

 

The light flickered out and back in.

 

Azazel laughed in Dean’s ear as Dean struggled against him.

 

“HA! HA! HA! Let me tell you how fucking tight your little angel was…” Azazel tormented Dean. Flinching, Dean grunted inhumanly and heard the man as he continued to say, “I made him fuck my cock back as I bounced on top of him….and oh how he moaned while it happened. I hit his sweet spot and he came… so fucking hard. Ain’t that right Castiel?!!!”

 

Castiel couldn’t stand to hear the sound of his own name come out of Azazel’s mouth, and without thinking, Cas raced forward and grabbed Azazel by the back of his head with his right arm, and pulled as hard as he could.

 

Benny fought against Alastair, bleeding profusely and shouting in a massive fury. As the two grappled for each other the knife was dropped, and as Castiel grabbed and held Azazel by the hair, Dean broke free. Instinctively, Dean ran for the knife and turned just in time to jump on top of Azazel and start stabbing him.

 

Alastair turned as he heard his brother screaming for his help, but Benny grabbed Alastair by the throat and began to choke him. Castiel fell back and let Dean work Azazel over. In a monstrous fury, Dean purposefully dropped the knife in order to take his bare hands and start to rip Azazel’s eyes out.

 

“UGHHHHh! AHHHH!!!” Azazel’s limbs flailed out wildly as Dean snatched his eyes out of the sockets.

 

“YOU WILL NEVER SAY HIS FUCKING NAME EVER AGAIN!!!!” Dean bellowed, then took the knife quickly and went for Azazel’s mouth, tearing off the man’s lips and cutting off his tongue.

 

As he did so, Dean saw nothing but red as the lights flickered in and out. Moments passed and he didn't hear Benny’s yells or Castiel’s crying. He didn’t even hear the multiple gunshots that went off as Alastair finally got hold of his weapon and started running through the basement, firing at Benny.

 

The lights flickered on and off and Benny chased Alastair until the man was down to his last shot. Alastair fell to the floor and fired as he fell. The lights flickered out, then back in….the last bullet hit Benny in his right eye. The light flickered out. Benny’s body hit the floor with a thud in the dark, and Alastair passed out with gouts of blood pouring out of his head.

 

“AHHH!!!! UUGHUH!!!!!” Azazel wailed out wordlessly, his tongue and eyes gone. Limbs flailing up and down, as Dean had moved down and pulled down his pants. Castiel watched in horror as Dean took Azazel’s manhood into his bloody hands and started to cut it off. The knife was dulled down by now, and Dean began to hack at the flaccid flesh in order to detach it from between Azazel’s thrashing legs.

 

Moments passed….the basement was full of the horrendous screaming...and when Dean was finally done he took Azazel’s severed cock and threw it across the floor. Then Dean went for the man’s testicles. Azazel was already bleeding out, but Dean saw nothing but red...a red darkness that dimmed in and out with the flickering light.

 

Officer Azazel died before Dean could finish cutting off his balls…..and when it was over, Dean sighed and stood up. A strange peace bled over him and washed away the blood on his skin. Dean just stood still for a moment with his eyes closed; standing over Azazel’s corpse, he just breathed, dropping the knife and hearing it clank on the floor. Opening his eyes he looked to his beloved, who remained on the floor and was honestly more than just a little scared. Dean shook his head and stepped forward,

 

“Cas…”

 

The light flickered out and back in. Alastair reappeared behind Dean. He had grabbed the knife off the floor.

 

It all happened so fast.

 

“DEANNN!!!!” Castiel bellowed out with terror in his eyes. Dean couldn’t react fast enough as Officer Alastair stabbed him in the side of his neck. The light flickered out and everything remained black.     


	11. Flight.

In the dark, Dean’s body hit the floor before Alastair’s, though even as the officer laughed at his final act he felt the life rapidly slipping out of him. Bleeding out from the massive holes that were once his ear and his cheek, he dropped to his knees and fell backwards. Dying as soon as his head slapped harshly against the cement floor.

 

Everything went quiet for a second...

 

Then the light flickered back on.

 

Castiel raced forward to Dean after seeing that he was still alive,

 

“Dean!!” Castiel cried. Dean’s body twitched and convulsed as he gasped and gurgled on his own blood. His eyes were wide with shock and fear, and his heart screamed in desperation for Castiel.

 

He could feel his eyes watering and his body growing hot in anger as questions raged on inside his head. Then there was Castiel, crying over him and screaming his name. Without a second thought, Dean took the knife out of his neck...but that was a mistake, as more blood began to erupt from the punctured artery.

 

“U-gh!” Dean coughed and choked. ‘ _I’m okay.’_ is what he wanted to say to Cas, but the blood grew thicker inside his throat, taking away his ability to speak.

 

Cas moved quickly, taking his right hand and pressing down on Dean’s open wound as hard as he could. Castiel  tried to apply pressure to it, though he wasn’t strong enough and it was difficult using one hand.

 

Trying to move his broken arm by force, Castiel screeched and collapsed in pain from it. The heat of Dean’s blood gushed between his fingers and panic rose in Cas’ heart, as he realized that he couldn’t save Dean.

 

“Dean, no no! Dean, use your hands! come on!” Castiel guided Dean’s palms and attempted to have him press down. Dean tried but his limbs were growing weak, he reached up for Castiel instead, trying to touch his face with his red stained hands.

 

“C-Cas” Dean struggled. _‘I love you’_ was what he tried to say. But the seconds passed and he choked on his words. Tears blurred his vision and couldn’t see Castiel’s face any longer. Dean was scared as he went blind. Everything went dark and Cas was screaming. That was all he could hear. Then in a single moment Dean’s saddened green eyes closed and his body went still.  

  


The light flickered out and back in and Castiel Novak roared in a wordless horror. Deafened by his own wailing, Cas cried out at the top of his lungs, screaming louder than ever before. So loud that he felt his jaw stretch and crack and his throat grow dry.

 

“DEAN!!!!!!” Castiel pulled on Dean’s t-shirt, pounding on his chest and lifting his lifeless body up, holding Dean’s heavy torso with his unbroken arm.

 

“DEAN, WAKE UP! WAKE UP! PLEASE! DEAN-N….G-GOD, DEAN PLEASE!! WAKE UP!!!!”  Wide eyed and destroyed, Castiel shouted incoherently; rocking back and forth violently.

 

Everything went quiet after a while, and Castiel continued to rock Dean’s body. Holding him close and sobbing.

 

“D-Dean.” Cas broke down and laid Dean back down on the floor, kissing his bloodied face and his still lips. “Dean-n,” Cas moved down and laid his head on Dean’s unmoving chest, hoping and wishing for a heartbeat. Wishing to God, praying hard to hear a heartbeat, but there wasn't one. Dean was gone, and it...it was all over.

 

Azazel and Alastair's torn bodies were on the floor and poor Benny laid alone on the far side of the basement. Castiel shivered and wept against Dean’s chest, his left arm throbbing painfully and his heart pounding with intense anxiety, hurt and shock.

 

The trauma was so severe that Castiel’s heart nearly stopped...breaking deep inside him, and with this agony he quietly became catatonic.

 

Then his eyes closed slowly and his heaven came; pulling him in deep.  

 

* * *

 

 

Officer Zachariah came running with the other guards to the basement, rushing through the wide dark space with flashlights and their guns drawn. On the way down Zachariah heard the gunshots and readied himself and his associates, Officer Gadreel and Officer Raphael. The men crept carefully until they came across the patient, Castiel Novak, who was laying beside Dean Winchester. Broken, defeated and lost.

 

Muttering, “I want to fly,” Castiel listened to the angels as they sang to him, talked to him...telling him that help was on the way.

 

“Holy fucking shit!” Zachariah shouted as he saw the dead mutilated bodies of Alastair and Azazel, then he looked to the left to see another dead patient on the floor. Zachariah stomped forward toward Cas and shouted at him,

 

“What the fuck happened!!!”

 

But Officer Gadreel stepped forward and knelt beside Castiel, realizing that the poor young man was going to be of no use to answer any questions.

 

“He needs medical attention, Zach! He could lose his arm with the way it’s been broken.”

 

As soon as Gadreel spoke, Zachariah covered his face and cursed again. “Take him up to the infirmary. Tell the doctors...everything.”

 

Quickly, Gadreel and Raphael took Castiel up and tried to help him stand. But Castiel started to scream as soon as he was taken away from Dean.

 

He was still in his heaven, trapped in it. But he could feel himself being lifted, he could tell that he was no longer near Dean.

 

“I have to fly! I have to!” Castiel cried out as Gadreel and Raphael carried him away. “I have to see them! They’re waiting for me! He’s waiting for me! HE’S WAITING FOR ME!!!”

 

The men held Castiel firmly as he tried to fight against them, but it was over...it was all over.

  
  


_Two days later._

  


Sam Winchester stepped into the main hallway of St. Michael’s Psychiatric Center, his eyes red and sweat pouring down his face as he walked with clammy hands. The phone call he received about his brother made his heart stop, and he drove the five hours down to the hospital alone.

 

He didn’t want Eileen to see it.

 

He didn’t want anyone else to see Dean.

 

“What happened to my brother?” Sam asked the head Nurse Naomi and the chief physician, Dr. Uriel, as they all sat in his office.

 

“There was an incident in our facility. He and a few other patients fought with our guards. He was eventually--unfortunately—killed after killing one of the officers, himself.” Dr. Uriel  explained to Sam, who was in shock and unable to process the information being told to him.

 

“I am sorry for your loss, Mr. Winchester. I truly am.” Uriel spoke slowly and apologetically. “Your brother had his difficulties as a patient here, but I was told he actually took time out to participate in the artistic activities. Paper flowers was something he seemed to be very fond of.”   

 

“Paper flowers...what!?” Sam spoke loudly, practically shouting. “I want to see him...Take me to my brother, right now!” Sam didn’t buy the psychiatrist’s sad attitude, nor his story about Dean killing someone. It couldn't have been true.

 

Sam stood up quickly, and demanded to see Dean once more.

 

“Please Mr. Winchester. Please calm down,” Dr. Uriel said. But Sam’s voice raised an octave.

“Calm down? My brother is dead and you’re sitting here talking about some damn paper flowers! Take me to my brother!”

 

Dr. Uriel sighed and looked to the head nurse. Naomi nodded quickly.  

 

“I’ll take him, doctor,” she said, and led the way out of the room, guiding Sam through the halls to the hospital’s morgue, at the very end of the North hallway, past the infirmary.

 

While passing through, Sam saw the conditions of the place, the filthy walls and broken doors. His heart dropped as he realized the terrible mistake he had made by locking Dean away.

 

‘He was only sad about losing Mom….I didn’t have to do this. Eileen and Bobby were right,’ Sam thought to himself. Then he flinched as he heard patients screaming and people looking at him with widened fearful eyes.

“GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!” someone shouted at the top of their lungs, and Sam turned to see a young lanky man who also started to howl like a wolf loudly, before being tackled by the male nurses.

 

It had been Garth who was hysterical from the loss of his two friends. And Ash stood watching as the nurses sedated Garth, all the while having a severe anxiety attack of his own, which resulted in him going into his assigned room and screaming for someone to kill him.

 

Sam shuddered at the hideous display and sounds, and he continued to walk quickly with Nurse Naomi. Making their way down the North hall they passed two young men who sat quietly on the floor together. One was a young Asian boy, no older than eighteen, and a young Caucasian man with messy dark hair and his arm in a cast, who had to be about the same age as Dean.

 

“I want to fly.” The one with the broken arm said softly. “I want to fly...I have to...he’s waiting for me...my angels and my love, they’re waiting for me.”

 

“Castiel,” the Asian boy said; his tone was just as quiet. Kevin touched Castiel’s scarred shoulder carefully and handed him a white paper flower. “Dean made this for you, remember?”

 

Castiel looked at the object but didn’t see it. He didn’t see the white paper flower or remember the last time he and Dean had sat together during art therapy. Dean making the new flower for him to keep his mind off Joshua and Rachel, then rubbing his back tenderly as they sat in their room.

 

Castiel couldn’t think of it, his heaven’s gravity pulled on him too deeply.

 

But Castiel heard Kevin as he said Dean’s name, and suddenly he started to sob uncontrollably.

 

“Dean...my Dean-n!” Castiel’s shoulders trembled. “Dean...Dean!” Castiel fell to the side, laying on the floor hopelessly, shivering and crying, but holding the white paper flower close to his chest.

 

Sam turned around immediately and looked at the two patients. Shocked to hear his brother’s name, and saddened by their misery, Sam went to them.

 

“Mr. Winchester!” Naomi called after Sam, but he ignored her and walked toward Castiel and Kevin. He knelt beside them and asked,

 

“You both knew Dean?”

 

Kevin looked up at the man beside him and Castiel, then quickly backed away from Sam Winchester, putting an arm over Castiel to shield him away from the strange man that had asked about Dean.

 

While Castiel continued to weep for Dean, Sam frowned and spoke once more to the young boy,  

 

“He was my brother.”

 

Kevin looked at Sam and furrowed his brow. Realizing that the stranger’s eyes were reddened from tears, Kevin couldn’t help but believe him and he replied to Sam’s previous question,

 

“He was our friend.”

 

“D-Dean….my Dean-n.” Castiel shook, holding the paper flower closer, hugging it desperately as if the object was an actual piece of the man he had loved….indeed it somehow was.

 

Sam saw the paper flower and remembered what Dr. Uriel had said; Dean had a fondness for paper flowers...Sam blinked and looked at the young man who was holding it, and how he was crying for Dean. Kevin noticed Sam Winchester’s glance over at Castiel and said,

 

“They were close…he was his boyfriend. Dean saved him from the guards.”

 

Sam’s eyes widened and he longed to talk more with the two patients, but Nurse Naomi called,

 

“Mr. Winchester...we can’t allow you to speak with the patients.”

 

With that, Sam stood up and went to go walk with the woman, anxious and desperate to see his older brother’s body, to confirm it in his mind that Dean was actually gone. But Sam couldn’t help looking back at those two patients...wondering about them, especially the one with the paper flower.

 

When the autopsy technician uncovered Dean’s body, Sam broke down, dropping to his knees and nearly screaming out loud. He fought himself hard to keep his composure, but the guilt in him was too strong; too real, as he realized that he was the cause of all of this.

 

If only he had kept Dean at home, taken care of him, then none of this would have ever happened.

 

Sam shook his head with heavy tears flowing, and forced himself up back to his feet, wishing he actually brought Eileen with him so she could hold him and help him through this. But Sam was glad still... to be alone in this, because no one else should ever have to see Dean this way….no one else at all.

 

Wiping his tears with the palms of his hands, Sam straightened his jacket and the sleeves of his shirt. Collecting himself, he turned to the head nurse and spoke to her in a direct and ruthless tone.   

 

“You’re going to tell me everything that happened here...everything...I want to know down to the last detail. I want to know more about the patients who were involved in the incident, I want to know it all….then I am taking my brother home with me.”

      

Nurse Naomi shook at the sound of the man’s voice and forced herself to nod, fear and guilt wracking through her body as she realized that Sam Winchester had every right to know the truth. Shivering, the woman began to explain everything to the best of her ability.

    

* * *

 

 

Days passed in a heavenly blur for Castiel Novak. The voices of his angels sung to him and called for him, beckoning him to fly. Warning that Heaven’s gates were going to close soon, and Castiel was anxious to be with the angels as he always had been.

 

Though as time went on in the physical world, Castiel became thinner and weaker. His hair was messy and unkempt and his fingernails had grown long with rot underneath them. The muscles in his left arm atrophied from having the cast on for far too long, and his cheeks and eyes become hollow and sunken.

 

The staff remained the same, just as uncaring as ever, and there was no one to look after Castiel. Rachel was gone and so was Officer Joshua.

 

Garth was sedated nearly every day, and strapped down to his bed, treated with electric shocks to cease his animalistic howling.

 

Ash was found dead in the West Hall; he had slashed his wrist in the middle the night. Too tired to live with the loss of his own parents, along with the loss of Benny and Dean.

 

Kevin Tran did as much as he could for Castiel, until he was soon released from the institution and reunited with his beloved mother, who took him away from the place as quickly as possible. All before he could say a proper goodbye to Castiel.

 

Weeks passed, Castiel snapped in and out of his Heaven. When he was in the physical world he would cry through the days and nights, not eating or showering, just screaming for Dean, asking the new nurses and guards, “Where is my Dean!? Dean! Dean-n! Where is he?” But none of them knew whom Castiel was speaking of.

 

Months went by, and Castiel fell back deeper into his Heaven. Sitting in hallways at night, tapping his head against the concrete base of the walls, while listening to the angels sing to him and warn him that the gates of Heaven were closing soon.

 

“I’m on my way.” Castiel would say to the angels. “I’m on my way...my love.”

 

He began to rock back and forth, holding the white paper flower close to him. It was the only piece of Dean he had left...and Castiel never let go of the paper flower.      

 

* * *

 

  


_Three years later._

 

“I think I can fly now.” Castiel said to Nurse Hael. A young woman with dark hair and a pretty face who was now in charge of his care. Hael sat Castiel back in the chair in the rec room and turned the television on for him.

 

“Sure you can, Castiel...you can fly....where would you like to go?” Hael asked, and knelt beside her patient. It was her first shift at St. Michael’s and she was nervous to have a schizophrenic as her patient.

 

In Castiel’s file, the woman was informed of how he was unpredictable with serious issues of self-harm. Anxious about working with such a troubled person, Hael longed to do a decent job for him as she had seen that Castiel had not been well looked after in the past.

 

“Where would you like to fly off to, Castiel?” Hael repeated softly, and honestly was growing slightly impatient, but then Castiel finally said...asked,

 

“Where is my Dean?”

 

“Who?” Hael’s brows shot up and a confused look grew on her face. She wasn’t informed about the patient Dean Winchester who had died years ago. Though she looked at Castiel and longed to help him, “Do you have an angel named Dean, is he your friend?” she asked. But Castiel didn’t reply to her, he frowned and moaned in sorrow. Holding the old paper flower in his hands that was once white and beautiful, but was now greyish and crumpled with wrinkles.

 

“I want to fly,” Castiel said repeatedly. It made Nurse Hael sigh before closing her eyes.  

“What on earth, happened to you?” The young woman mumbled, and stood to walk out of the rec room, leaving Castiel sitting alone.

 

“I want to fly….I have to. I have to fly. They’re waiting for me...he’s waiting for me.”

. . .  

Ten minutes later Nurse Hael returned to the rec room with a nail kit and a hairbrush, in order to clip Castiel’s nails and brush his hair. She had been discouraged at first to work with a such a patient, but she felt it in her heart to go back and care for Cas. Though as she walked back into the room she dropped her supplies in shock, noticing that Castiel Novak was gone from the chair she left him in.

 

Hael shot through the hallways, her heart racing and sweat running down her face. Beating herself up internally for leaving her patient alone, she rushed toward the guard's station and shouted, “Officers! Officers! Please check the cameras! My patient, Castiel Novak is missing!”

 

The new guards laughed at the woman, not taking her seriously until one of them, named Elijah, actually checked the camera. The guard froze when he noticed Castiel Novak on the screen, running down the South Hall.

 

Castiel opened the giant exit doors and climbed up the stairs, screaming repeatedly,

“I want to fly! I want to fly! I have to fly!”

 

Nurse Hael and the guards, Elijah and Ezra, came down the hall, but Castiel was already at the top of the stairs heading towards the roof of the building.

 

“I have to fly!” He cried out, across the massive rooftop. Racing toward the ledge, Castiel stopped suddenly, realizing he was free.

 

He looked to the sky and saw the real world that had been hidden from him for years; it was beautiful and more real than any heaven he ever dreamed of. Walking up to the ledge, Castiel stepped up carefully.

 

Everything was a strange mixture. It was bright and dark. Cold and warm. Comforting and terrifying. Castiel stood on the ledge…looking to the sun and sky. Never looking down at the world below him. The angels singing and warning him,

 

**_Come Castiel...Come to us. The gates are closing soon. Heaven is closing soon. Fly and come to paradise and finally be free. Fly to us… Castiel come now...fly_ **

 

“I’m on my way.” Castiel smiled at the blue sky and puffy white clouds. “I’m on my way.”

 

Thoughts flooded his mind, thoughts of Dean and the first day they met. How he helped Castiel off the chair when he wanted to fly.

 

Cas thought of Dean and found peace in the memory of him. His soft green eyes, his sandy brown hair, light freckles, and full lips. Castiel breathed the fresh air and remembered how they kissed for the first time in the dark hallway that night long ago.

 

How Dean’s deep beautiful voice ripped Castiel out of his heaven like a thunderstorm bringing him back to reality. How they both kissed each other and made love that day in the courtyard.  

 

_“...when we get out of here. When we are free and able to live normal lives... will you marry me, someday?”_

 

Castiel exhaled the air out of his lungs with a little laugh and remembered Dean’s proposal. Looking down at the paper flower in his hand, Cas smiled and remembered everything about Dean and everything he had ever done for Cas.

 

Then the cool inviting wind blew, pulling on Castiel and beckoning him. Castiel kept his eyes on the sky and clouds. Gently, Cas let the paper flower go, allowing the winds of Heaven to take it up, swirling through the air and fading away in the distance. Castiel watched it until it was completely gone.  

 

A soft cool breeze blew once more. Castiel looked away from the sky and clouds, closing his own bright blue eyes. The gates of Heaven were closing now, so the young man extended his arms and allowed the wind to take him.

 

Nurse Hael and the guards rushed up to the rooftop, just in enough time to see Castiel Novak take flight.

 


	12. Heaven.

_The Heaven was of gold, amber, and ivory with silver, sapphire and ruby-red stars sparkling in the high atmosphere. Angels flew and rejoiced as they sung hallowed songs of love and serenity. The place was of absolute peace and below the clouds where the angels flew there was a beautiful field of roses, lilies, and chrysanthemums._

 

_A lovely field where Dean Winchester stood alone._

 

_Watching the petals blow in the gracious breeze, he held a rose in his hands and the perfumed air made him smile. He was almost at peace. Closing his green eyes he breathed in the sweet scent and felt the beating of his own heart...and the solid ache that was hidden deep within it._

 

_The heavenly world was perfect in every way but something was missing. Someone was missing. Dean just couldn’t remember who it was….he couldn’t quite place his finger on it._

 

_The angels flew freely through the bright sky. Their white wings were wide as they soared, and the sun was high up and bright but the wind was cool and calm. Dean marveled at everything...continuing to walk through the field as he longed for the one thing...the one person he was missing._

 

_He was lost without him. Empty inside and wandering the Heaven alone, Dean shed a tear. The aching in his heart increased into a painful throb until he heard the sudden light footsteps coming from behind him. The young man’s green eyes widened and his heart danced when he turned to see his lost beloved._

 

_“Cas!”_

 

_“Dean!”_

 

_The two cried out and ran to each other instantly, jumping into a strong embrace. Their hearts beginning to beat together as one as soon as they touched._

 

_Dean held Castiel tight and caressed his smooth dark hair, holding him so close that he felt himself ache._

 

_Castiel held onto Dean for as long as he could, burying his face into his lover’s chest as they both suddenly sunk to the ground, shaking, crying and kissing tenderly._

 

_Castiel quivered in Dean’s kiss and his touch, soft moans escaping their throats and small grins glowing on their lips. But still Castiel was overwhelmed and he began to cry harder._

_“I’m sorry for making you wait on me for so long. I’m so sorry, Dean.” Cas sobbed. But Dean smiled and shook his head at his beloved, cupping Castiel’s beautiful face with his hands, holding him close and pressing their foreheads together gently._

 

_“Don’t ever be sorry Castiel...don’t ever be sorry, for anything.” Dean whispered and kissed Cas._

 

_Castiel received the gentle kiss and melted, feeling safe with Dean now...safe and free. The angels above them rejoiced as the two lovers were finally free._

 

_Dean took the rose he had been holding and placed it behind Castiel’s right ear, and kissed his cheek. Castiel blushed a pink-red and smiled, nestling his head on Dean’s thick shoulder, he breathed and felt at peace within himself. And Dean rested his head against Cas’, feeling his beloved’s tranquility and finally realizing his own._

 

_Kissing Castiel’s unblemished neck Dean whispered, “I love you so much.”_

 

_“I love you too, Dean.” Castiel whispered back. “I love you too.”_

 

Dean and Castiel kissed once more, then got to their feet and began to walk together through the meadow. Talking, laughing and loving one another, Dean and Cas smiled and stayed together forever. And as eternity lingered on and as angels above sang for them, the two lovers dwelled in the comforting warmth and radiant freedom of their Heaven.  



End file.
